Promises.. I thought you'd be the last person to break your promise..
That was a promise he just couldn’t keep, and he didn’t keep to me. Those words once meant so much to me, as did he but now I loathed those words and him. He left me alone with these bad people, away from the warmth of his arms. I was alone now, and I hated it…
“You promised…” I whispered, holding his picture close to my chest. Softly I sobbed, a stream of warm tears rippling down my slightly blushed cheeks. I gently placed his photo upon my crumpled bed sheets, running my fingers across his face. “You promised Frank, you promised…” I blubbered. My eyes were sore and wet with the salty tears that continued to flows from my eyes and down my face, wetting the collar of my shirt as each tear rolled off my perfectly rounded chin.
I felt my chest tighten slightly; this was just too much for me to handle. All my life people had broken there promises to me, and I thought Frank would be the last person to break his promise but he did and there was nothing I could do to change that. I slowly pushed myself up off the bed and shuffled into my en-suite. I stood in front of the full length mirror staring at my reflection. I could understand in a way why Frank broke his promise, I mean I wasn’t exactly good looking and I was fat. I slowly ran my hands down the sides of my body, tracing each small roll of fat with my fingers. ‘You’re not fat, you’re chubby and your chubbiness makes you even more perfect, Gerard’ he used to say to me. Just hearing him say those few words to me brought an instant smile up on my face, but now just remembering those few words brought tears to my eyes.
I slowly reached across for a damp cloth, dabbing away my smudged eyeliner gently with the corner. “You promised…” I whispered my voice broke towards the end of the sentence. I felt my knees being to shake, and my bottom lip began to quiver as my eyes slowly filled with those clear salty, tears once more. I suddenly felt my knees give way as I collapsed to the floor. “You promised, Frank… You promised you’d never hurt me and you’d always be hear” I wailed at the top of my lungs, pulling my legs tightly to my chest. All I wanted was to be back in his arms, to feel his cool breath softly against my neck, the brush of his soft fingertips against my skin. I just wanted him, but I knew he no longer wanted me in that way.
I leaned back against the white tiled wall, the corners of the tiles were chipped in places and turning slightly grey in colour. I closed my eyes for a second and began to think of him, how even his imperfections made him perfect. How even though he had played me and broke my heart, I still knew deep down inside I didn’t loath him but I loved him. I loved him more than life itself, I cared for him more than myself but none of those feelings would ever be returned.
I opened my eyes slightly, staring at the white door. I began to hum softly to myself, trying to calm myself down completely. I inhaled one deep breath, opened my mouth slightly and began to sing in a faint whisper; “Dreams are like angels, they keep bad at bay, love is the light, scaring darkness away. I'm so in love with you, purge the soul, make love your goal..” I shook my head then slowly pushed myself to my feet, biting down hard on my lip to stop the tears forming in my eyes.
I leaned against the edge of the bath, gripping onto the side tightly. “He left me for a girl…” I muttered to myself. “For a girl, who has fucked more men than probably the whole of this town put together, I mean come on what does she have that I don’t.” I continued to mutter. Suddenly it struck me, she had a lot of things I didn’t have. She was pretty, she was skinny, she had a boobs and a vagina. “Maybe If I grew to boobs and a v…”I said in a low tone. I shook my head and stood up again, glancing in the mirror once more time. I gently swept my hair back off my face, and wiped away my make-up stained tears away once more.
Frank slowly wrapped his arms around me from behind, resting his chin up on my shoulder. I could feel the coolness of his breath tickling the bare flesh on my neck, his fingertip slowly beginning to make their way under my light blue shirt. Just his skin touching mine sent tiny sparks of electricity through my body. I closed my eyes for a second embracing him and how his body was pressed firmly against mine. I could feel his fingertips moving further up my body, tracing patterns on my flesh as they made their way further up my torso. A small whimper escaped from my lips, enjoying the feel of his hands exploring my body. “I love you” I whispered in a slightly seductive tone.
“I love you too, and I will till the end of time…” Frank whispered into my ear, his lips pressed gently against the area of skin just under my ear…
The end of time, the end of time, the end of time; those words echoed around my head, tormenting me. I slowly raised my hands to the sides of my head, slamming my fists hard into my head trying to make the voice disappear. It seemed like the harder I banged the louder that tormenting voice got louder. I stumbled back slightly and slid down the door, my hands pressed firmly to my ears. “Baa baa black sheep have you any wool…” I said through gritted teeth. I wanted the voice to go and the memory to fade away, but it wouldn’t. I closed my eyes, letting my dark lashes rest on my cheek bones. I inhaled three large breathes and slowly the voice and memory faded. The torment had ended for now.
I reached into my jeans pocket and pulled out my mobile. I slowly stretched my legs out across the floor whilst flicking through my contacts; I suddenly paused when I saw Frank’s name and number. My eyes were glued to the screen, my finger hovering over the call button. Before I could stop myself, I pressed down hard on the button and raised the phone to my ear, waiting to hear Frank’s sweet, gentle voice once more…