The truth of his situation is beginning to sink in
Gerard read the words but his mind refused to believe any of this was really happening. This had to be some sort of a sick joke, that was the only explanation. Self preservation made him refuse to believe, so he chose an emotion he believed gave him strength, anger. Whipping his head around to face her he spoke. “Okay, enough of this shit. I don’t know what your game is, or what you hope to accomplish, but it’s over.”
Looking into his eyes she understood his anger was fueled by fear. “No game.” She said softly.
He grabbed her arm roughly, “Look, you can just drop the charade.”
She tried to pull her arm away. “You’re hurting me.”
Instead of releasing her arm he tightened his hold. “Then tell me the fuckin’ truth.”
Pain caused tears to come to her eyes. “Please, you’re hurting me.”
His blood pressure is elevating
Gerard’s head whipped around, his eyes scanning the room.
“What?” Ayasha asked wondering why he’d suddenly loosened his hold and was looking around in confusion.
He completely let go of her arm and stepped back. As she watched he walked down the hallway towards her bedroom. A few minutes later he was back having looking into the small bathroom and the bedroom. “Don’t tell me you didn’t hear that voice.” He said glaring at her.
“Yeah, a fucking voice. Come on, I know you heard it. Just tell me where it came from.”
“There’s no one else in the house.” She said slowly walking back over to the chair. When she sat down she saw he’d followed her.
His mind still refused to believe what was happening. Instead of sitting down he crossed over to the computer again. Sitting down he placed his fingers on the keyboard. “Why the fuck doesn’t this work?” He was pushing the keys but nothing was happening.
Ayasha, who was still in shock, looked over at him.
He swiveled in the chair. “The keyboard ain’t working.”
Instead of answering she walked over, leaned down and pushed one of the keys to show him that it did, indeed work, just not for him.
“What’s the trick?” He ground out.
“No trick.” She whispered.
Again he tried to type and again nothing appeared on the screen. “Look, if you think you’re gonna convince me I’m a fuckin’ ghost…”
“You’re not a ghost. Your body is in a hospital in LA but…” Her voice trailed off. The article she’d pulled up was one of the first that had appeared this morning.
She couldn’t force herself to answer. Instead she leaned over and typed in another site then stood back allowing him to read one of the last articles she’d read before leaving work.
Gerard’s eyes read the words but his brain refused to believe. When he finally spoke is voice was shaking. “Coma? You’re telling me I’m in a coma?”
“You are in a coma. Gerard Way is lying in the hospital in a coma.” She had looked away, unable to meet his eyes.
He got up so quickly the chair fell back crashing to the ground. Ayasha jumped back out of his way as she watched him once more make his way towards the door. He threw it open but as before he could not step past the threshold.
Ayasha walked back over to her chair in the living room unable to watch him anymore, it was heartbreaking. Slipping off her shoes she pulled her legs up to hug her knees, lowering her head. Several minutes later she head the door slam shut. When he spoke she knew he’d returned to the chair across from her.
“Please, tell me what is happening.”
The fear and desperation in his voice tore at her heart. Looking up at him she whispered, “I’m not really sure. I’m sorry.”
The anger he felt before was fading. But in it’s place was overwhelming fear. “How can I be in a coma and be here at the same time? How can I open a door but not type on a keyboard? How can you see me but that guy couldn’t?”
“I don’t know.”
His mind was trying desperately to find an answer. Maybe this was all a horrible nightmare. He’d suffered from night terrors maybe this was the answer. If he could just wake up, it would end.
Ayasha’s eyes grew wide as she watched him repeatedly pinch is arm.
“Oh fuck.” He said pinching harder.
“I can’t feel this.” He said as he continued to brutalize his own skin.
“Stop.” She cried out. “Don’t do that.”
“Why the fuck not? Can’t feel it.” It was then he realized something that shocked him to the core. “I can’t feel anything.” Before he’s been so upset, so out of his mind, he hadn’t realized it until now. “I see myself touching things but I ain’t feeling anything.”
“Please.” She whispered. “Stop.”
Still he continued to pinch even harder, he just wanted the pain he knew he should feel.
Look at his arm
Gerard’s hand stilled. “Mikey?”
“What?” She didn’t understand but for the moment he’d stopped pinching himself.
“I heard my brother’s voice.” Gerard whispered. “Just now. You didn’t hear it?”
Sadly she shook her head. “No, what did you hear?”
“Something about an arm.” He said trying to replay the voice in his head.
Ayasha understood. “He’s with you in LA. In the hospital. I’m sure you’ve marked your arm by pinching it so hard.”
Gerard looked down at his unmarred arm. He held it up so Ayasha could see. “There ain’t a fucking mark.”
It has hard trying to make someone else understand what she was having trouble believing herself. “Your real body is in LA.”
Again anger took over. “So what the fuck is this?” He poked himself in the chest.
Trying to recall the stories her grandmother had told her long ago she paused a moment. “Your spirit body.”
She nodded then looked back down.
Gerard leaned back in the chair as the anger faded and hopelessness washed over him. Whatever was happening, there seemed no escape.
Several minutes passed and the room grew deathly silent. The storm had passed but the storm brewing inside the house seemed to be growing.
“Who the hell are you?”
The question didn’t surprise her. “My name in Ayasha Kivi.”
“I don’t give a shit what your name is I want to know who you are, or what you are.”
She tried not to be offended by the question. “I am just a woman, nothing more.”
“You ain’t some kind of psychic or some shit?”
She shook her head.
He struggled to find an answer. “Well why would I be here? I don’t know you. I’ve never met you before.”
She didn’t correct the falsehood. Now didn’t seem to be the time. “I don’t know.”
His eyes narrowed as he stared at her. “Well you seem to know about this spirit body shit and me being supposedly trapped between worlds.”
“Only because of stories my grandmother once told me.” She said softly as the memory of her beloved grandmother filled her mind.
Gerard studied her face. He noted her light brown skin, long black hair and high cheekbones. “You’re what? An Indian?”
Now it was her temper that came into play. “I am a Native American.”
He realized he’d offended her. “Yeah, that’s what I meant. So what kind?”
She lowered her legs to the ground then folded her arms in an angry gesture. “My mother was full blooded Cherokee.”
“And your dad?”
“I have no idea. My mother never spoke of him.” She answered. This topic was one she did not want to continue. Hoping to push the conversation in another direction she asked. “What is the last thing you remember?”
“You mean before I was suddenly standing in this room?”
He was trying to piece it all together. “What’s today?”
He searched his mind. “Uh, yesterday we worked in the studio.”
She nodded knowing that was true. The articles she’d read confirmed that fact. “And last night?”
His face clouded over. “I went to dinner with some friends.” He said slowly as the memory came into focus.
“And after that?”
“Went to a bar.” He said slowly. As the memories came back he fought them. He knew his drunken antics had lately been a hot topic of discussion. And having been arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct last month had really brought him unwanted attention.
Ayasha was watching his face closely. “And the woman?”
He knew but it wasn’t something he wanted to discuss.
She was trying to jar his memory. “You left the bar with a woman. She said you went to her place.”
Ayasha now wasn’t sure if he remembered or if he just didn’t want to discuss this. “So, I’m just trying to help you remember.”
“Remember I picked up some woman in a bar and went to her place for a quick fuck? Yeah, I remember that. Who gives a fuck?”
She was taken back by his words. “Not me. I don’t give a shit who you fucked. I’m just trying to help you.”
“Why bring it up?” He challenged.
“Because she’s spoken to the press. She claims that one of the drugs you took, you stole from her medicine cabinet.”
“What?” He hadn’t read that.
Ayasha nodded. “You took a dangerous combination of drugs, one of which was a prescription drug you supposedly took from her place.”
For a moment he let that sink in. “Wait. If I overdosed maybe she gave me something.”
“No.” Ayasha said softly. “You didn’t overdose until you got back to your apartment. You didn’t take the drugs until then.”
He ran his hand over his face. It was all too unreal to be discussing himself overdosing. Still he had to know. “The article I read didn’t say, who found me?”
She recalled what she’d read. “Your ex-wife had tried all night to phone you about a change in plans concerning your daughter.”
“Bandit.” He whispered as a look of sadness covered his face.
“Obviously it was important.”
“I was supposed to have her this weekend, I’d planned a trip for us but…” He sighed. “I had to cancel.”
Ayasha spoke softly. “Your ex called your brother. When he couldn’t get a hold of you he went to your apartment.” She saw tears suddenly spring to Gerard’s eyes. “I’m sorry.” She whispered. “It was Mikey who found you.”
“Oh, fuck.” He lowered his head. “Fuck.” When he looked up a tear rolled down his cheek. “How can I cry? How can a dead man cry?”
Grabbing a tissue from the box she quickly crossed over to knell by his chair. “Because you are not dead. Please, don’t say that again.” She said handing him the tissue.
Gerard took it and quickly wiped his eyes. “Then what the fuck am I?”
Ayasha gently touched his arm. “You are trapped between the worlds. You will find your way back.” With her whole heart she hoped this was true.
Gee, please. You can’t die.
“You heard another voice?” Ayasha asked as his eyes suddenly darted around the room.
“Mikey. I heard Mikey tell me I can’t die.” He whispered.
“He loves you.” She stroked his arm tenderly. “Take hope.”
His eyes locked with hers. “How? Hope for what?”
“Hope that you will find your way home.”