what really is love does anyone know... one things for sure Frank doesnt
NOTE!!! added the next chapter to this section because theyre both so short
It's always weird being here with Gerard and not being allowed to talk to Kelsey but today their dad is here but my vision is still blurry. I dont feel like I can walk on my own at all. Gerard must have surprised me again. He does this as a game sometimes. I don't mind it. It makes the rest of the night hurt less.
As we go inside Kelsey watches me as always but the constant glare from her new friend scares me, "Frank its good to see you again!" Donna, their mother says to me giving me a big hug like every friday, "You're getting skinnier Frank do we need to feed you more?" she says holding me out at arms length. I hate when people judge the way I look.
Gerard takes my arm tight and pulls me close, "No mom he's not hungry. We're going down to my room. I'll be back for dinner."
As he pulls me to the basement door and down the stairs I hear Donna and her father drilling Kelsey on her friend too. I never understand how Gerard can have who he wants but no one else here can. Gerard pulls me onto the bed bringing me out of my train of thought and back into the dark.
"Hey baby how are you feeling?" he whispers bitting at my neck. I squirm and moan trying to make him stop, "Aw why are you fighting it baby? you know you like it." he holds my hands up over my head and starts kissing me all over, "I love you baby."
He won't stop nibbling my ear causing me to moan and shiver. I think this is his favorite part. The struggle he causes, "Gerard... please not tonight." that was a mistake. He smacks me hard across the face and pulls off my shirt causing me to blush a deep red.
"You're so cute like this Frankie. Just a little too fat for my liking though." with his free hand he rubs down my rubcage making me moan and squirm, "You're so bad Frankie. Why don't you obey when i say don't move? You deserve to be punished." taking two fingers he quickly sticks them down my throat make me cough and choke, "Come with me. You're going to throw up for me now."
I want so badly to protest but he already has me by the wrist pulling me to his bathroom closing the door behind us. Lifting the lid on the toilet he pushes me over it and puts his fingers in my mouth making me gage and choke, "Come on fat ass get it out!" he yells repeating what we do every friday, "Come on i know you ate!" giving up he lets me go and shoves me to my knees, "I'm going to have dinner. If I don't see vomit in that toilet you will be punished. Don't think I won't."
Storming out of the bathroom he leaves me to my own demise. It always comes down to this too. The same rutain every friday. I stand and look at myself in the mirror, "He's right... they're all right... you're a fat ass Frank... make it go away. Make him happy with you." telling myself this over and over I finally go back to the toilet and force myself to throw up. With nothing but saliva coming back up I begin to panic and worry. There's nothing left to do.
As I hear footsteps coming down the stairs I run over to the bed and sit still awaiting the punishment I had coming.
The bedroom door opens and it's Kelsey, "Frankie, are you okay?" Brittany's holding her hand but that doesn't stop me from running and hugging her as tight as I can, "Hey hey sweety we heard you crying... tell me what's wrong? You're okay frankie."
"Where is he? Where's Gerard?" I ask looking past them up the stairs.
Kelsey grabs my arms realizing I'm not wearing a shirt and looks down at my ribs and stomach, "Frankie... he,,, he's showering... is there something you need to tell me?" she asks still looking down at my chest.
"No." I answer quickly backing away from them and look down at the floor, "Please don't judge me like them. It's not my fault." she pulls me close into a hug and strokes my stringy tangled hair.
"It will be okay Frankie... you just need to tell him no." she says quietly to me. easier said than done, "I will help you as much as I can frankie... my dad's home now. he will listen to us." she gives me a smile and kisses my forheard returning back to Brittany.
Hearing the door open we all flinch and I begin to panic, "What are you girls doing down here? come to learn a thing or two?" he says smirking at Kelsey and kissing me hard, "I missed you baby. Run along. this is a no girl zone."
I watch them as they go up the stairs and Gerard goes into the bathroom, "Aww Frankie I'm disappointed. Now you're going to get fat. I can't be with someone who's fat." I hear him flush the toilet. Before I know it he storms in shoves me on the bed and has my arms pinned down, "Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror sweety? You really do disappoint me Frankie."
The next panic attack creeps up starting with the heavy breathing, "Gerard... I love you. I'm sorry. I really am trying. I do what you say everytime." he smacks me across the face bringing tears to my eyes, "Please Gee... Please stop." he loves it when I beg. I can always see the smile playing across his face.
He begins to bite at my neck and shoulders sucking on sencitive spots making me moan, "I love when you obey Frank. It makes you so much cuter... lucky for you my dad's home. He has ears like a hawk so you have to keep it down." he nibbles on my ear as I squirm to make him stop.
He does but only long enough to take off the rest of my clothes and his towel, "Do... do I have to sleep with you like this tonight? I dont like it very much Gerard... I feel weird" ignoring my every word he pulls me in and holds me close.
"Sleep Frank and just remeber you're lucky tonight." Gerard breaths into my ear.