Its getting fucking cold out here in the Couve. Fucking winter.
My phone rings.
"I was thinking we could take the boys to see Santa."
"Matty, they;re going to flip if we take them to the mall!"
"The boys will be fine, pack some toys in the stroller, and we can go."
"Fine, I'm grabbing a hoodie, and some blankets for the boys."
I walk over to my closet and grab a black hoodie, and some jeans. I go into the bathroom, and change.
Next, I grab the boys, and some toys for them.
"Matt? I'm in the living room, where are you?"
"In the kitchen grabbing formula for the boys."
"We sound like a married couple Matt!"
"I know. I don't mind."
"You don't mind?"
"Nah, we're pracitally brothers."
"Cool, I'm gonna get the boys into thier car seats."
Twenty minutes later we aer at the mall, and there is a huge line of screaming 4-year-olds who want candy, and Santa. Matt looks at me.
"Uh, yeah. I just need something to eat before I pass out."
"kay, I'll wait in line with the boys."
"Thanks." I gasp despertely,
I rush to the nearest bathroom, feeling sick. I have no idea why I feel so crappy. I look at myself in the mirror. I look like I did when I was on heroin. I'm not though. I think. Its not withdrawals, I went through that months ago.
I splash some cold water on my face, and grab a Coke Zero from the vending machine. I come back to Matt, and he looks at me.
"You look like shit, babe."
"I feel like shit, but fuck it. I'll be fine."
About an hour later, its our turn to get a picture of the boys. Matt is holding his phone, and taking pictures. I am sitting on the ground, trying to make myself not throw up. The boys look at Matt, and start fussing.
"Hey, its okay." he whispers. He holds up the stuffed cat and bear, and the boys start smiling, as the picture is taken. I look at Matt.
"Are the boys done?"
"Yeah. You want to go walk around?"
I stand up and feel the world spin. I feel dizzy, and stumble into Matt.
"I'm fine;" I reassure him.
Matt rolls his eyes, "Okaaayyy, I must be losing my sight."
I laugh weakly, and walk to the food court.
Matt grabs some Chinese food, and I'm feeding the boys. They drink the formula and then fall asleep. That should keep them quiet for a while. I grab some orange chicken, and a fork.
"Josh, you haven't touched you food, you okay?"
I can't stand it anymore. I look at Matt.
"I think I have the flu or something, It'll pass." I smile.
"Okay, but if you need me, text me okay?" Matt says.
I nod, and choke down the food.
The coke zero I had earlier isn't even helping me. I'm sweating, and shaking, as I look at my reflection.
I text Matt, and ask him if he could drive us home, because frankly If I drive I'll puke.
An hour later, we're back at the house, and the boys are sleeping again. They haven't needed changed surprisingly. I'm sitting on my bed, feeling the room spin.
Matt walks in, "Holy shit dude. You look awful."
Christmas is three days away, and I have the feeling I'm going to be sick on Christmas.
"Shut up, I know."
"Dude, you need medicine."
Matt grabs some medicine from the bathroom, and gives me it. It tastes like SHIT.
"What the fuck is that stuff?!"
The pills are starting to have an effect, and I am slowly slipping into sleep.
Matt kisses me, and thats the last thing I remember before falling into a deep sleep.
I'm off to bed. night. xo Jules