Chapter 1: Put On Your Listening Eds
Note: I do not own Ed, Edd, & Eddy. Like many fans of EE&E, I have long wondered what Edd hides under that hat. This story will contain my take on the matter, a rather unique one, but I have my reasons. The good thing about Mr. Antonucci letting it remain a secret is that we can all still have our theories. So let me share my interpretation, and please respect it as I would yours. Enough of that. On with the show!
Leaning against his locker, Eddy crossed his arms and jutted out his chin. When girls walked by, he ran a hand through his moussed hair, then flexed. By the time Ed came lumbering past, Eddy's phone number count was still zero and his popularity quotient was in a nosedive. Eddy did not want to let himself get discouraged, but his ego was taking a hit. Still, he played it cool. "Chicks. Who can figure 'em?"
"Oh, I know!" exclaimed Ed, wanting to be helpful."Ask the science teacher. He keeps a sweet chick in his room all the time."
Even though Ed shared the story with longing more than lust, Eddy had to find out more. "You sure about that, Ed? I always thought that guy was creepy, but not a 'serial toucher'. And I don't mean like Jonny 2x4."
Ed nodded emphatically. "Yeah. It is as plain as the hair in his nose! He captures innocent little chicks and pecks them to death."
"Eeeugh!" said Eddy, who now had to try to erase the image of the science teacher's pecker from his brain. "Wait. You're talking about that shriveled up chicken in a jar in the chem lab, aren't you?"
"I love chickens, Eddy."
"That's what I thought." The halls rapidly emptied out. It was 4:30, and most of the kids had gone home.
Ed looked around at the deserted halls. He and Eddy were usually the first out the door in the afternoon, and among the last to come dragging in every morning. Things didn't look right. Ed yelled, "The school is broken! Run away, run away!" His voice echoed. Ed tried to grab Eddy by the hair and pull him along. Eddy didn't budge.
"Hey, hey, hey, get back here. We gotta wait for Sockhead." Eddy looked at his watch. 4:32 PM. "Where the hell is he?We got stuff to do."
Ed got down on the floor and rolled back towards Eddy. From far away down the hall, a door opened and the sound of conversation became louder and more distinct as another after-school activity came to an end. Rolf, Jimmy, Sarah, and Nazz appeared, chattering away.
"Wow, our first choir concert! This is gonna be so fun!" Sarah announced, imagining herself centre stage and in the spotlight.
Rolf thumbed through the booklet of songs. "Rolf comes from a long line of the finest yodelers. These festivities of singing will be like peeling potatoes after hollowing the turnips!" He spotted the titles'Jingle Bells,' 'Silver Bells,' and 'Carol of the Bells' and looked puzzled."What is this? A celebration of the bovines?"
"Congratulations on earning yourself the big solo!" Jimmy gushed to Nazz.
"Thanks, dude," said Nazz, looking over her music. Years of practicing in the chorus were paying off. "I have a duet, too!I'm stoked. It's going to be hard to wait three weeks!"
"I didn't get a solo in the show," whined Sarah, who was still at the beginning of the many years of practice. "How are they gonna hear my voice?"
Nazz gave her a pat on the back. "Don't worry. You've got a strong singing voice."
Eddy rolled his eyes and looked up at Ed. "Have you EVER been unable to hear Sarah?" he asked, half-joking, half-serious. Ed held his breath and tried to blend into the lockers behind him, afraid that Sarah's voice would come on, directed at him.
Sarah was happy enough with Nazz's compliment. "Oh, goodie! Jimmy, we need to go shopping for the big show!"
"You, me, and the department store. I'll be there with bells on!" Jimmy and Sarah scampered off to coordinate outfits.
Rolf followed, asking, "Is the worship of the bell commonplace in your country?"
Eddy imitated Sarah and Jimmy's mincing skips. Nazz turned to see Eddy frolicking. "Hiya, Eddy," she purred, waving.
Stopping mid-leap, Eddy mumbled a clumsy goodbye to Nazz. After striking manly poses since the final bell rang, of course the hottest girl in school only saw him in the middle of imitating a couple of squirts. He shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked the ground.
Lagging behind the others, Double D appeared, huffing and puffing from hurrying himself. "Hello, gentlemen!" He tucked asongbook into his shoulder bag. "I am delighted to share that..."
"There you are!" said Eddy. "Come on. The candy store's gonna be giving away samples of the new Super Slurper jawbreakers to the first five kids in line on Christmas Eve. Put that brain to work and figure us out a way to be at the front of that line without waiting in line."
"I'll see what I can do, Eddy..." Double D began as Ed and Eddy ushered him out of the building. "My schedule will be somewhat constrained for the next three weeks."
"Hold it. You're telling me you got somethin' more important than your friends?" Eddy suggested, hoping to guilt Double Dback into full time scam artistry. Eddy climbed the fence and jumped down.
Double D tried to follow, but had difficulty pulling himself off the ground. "More important than jawbreakers?" Ed marveled, his eyes widening in disbelief. He scooped up Double D, lifted the fence with one arm, and scooted underneath it.
"Of course not. Nothing is more important than my friends!" Double D assured them. Ed seemed comforted as he placed Double D's feet back on the ground. Before Eddy could bluster on with more instructions, Double D continued. "However, I have secured a spot in the show choir, the Warbling Cobblers! It would mean very much to me if you both showed your support and attended the performance."
"Pffff," said Eddy, unimpressed. "Choir?That's sissy stuff."
"I happen to enjoy it," Double D asserted."I'll be practicing every day after school."
Eddy groaned, "Every day? You don't need three weeks to learn a bunch of overplayed Christmas tunes."
"Some holiday carols may be a tad hackneyed, but most set the mood for the season. Anticipating the first snow, sharing love with those closest to you! Yes, I must practice to do the season justice."
"I can help!" shouted Ed. Eddy and Double D didn't have a monopoly on knowledge, and he wanted to prove it. "Sing like this. Listen, listen." He cleared his throat and took a deep breath, then belted out, "Away in a Ranger, no hubcaps or paint! I'm getting' real carsick,'cos comfy I ain't!"
Double D pressed his hands over his ears, trying honestly to appreciate Ed's singing without having his eardrums battered to bits. Eddy, although put off a bit by the noise, preferred Ed's lyrics. "Not bad. Ithink you should join the choir."
"Yes, well, perhaps next year, Ed," Double Dsuggested, hoping to avoid Ed's "help" at the winter concert.
"Shucks," Ed blushed with pride as the three boys reached his house. "I can't because Sarah said if I wreck her show she will tell Mom, and Mom will tell Dad, and Dad will go sit in the reading room."
"Forget that girl crap. My 14th birthday's comin' up. We gotta get my brother's car out of his room so I get a chance to practice with it," said Eddy, eager to test out the gift his brother promised him as soon as possible, even though a driver's license was in the relatively distant future.
Double D thought that the idea was ill-advised, but did not want to be the dissenting voice after holding up the group with his interests. Eddy's intention, albeit rash, matters to him. I should show him the support I hope he will show me. Resolutely, he followed his friends, but his mind was occupied by the concert. Mostly by the duet.