This is just a little something I had written before I knew it. I tried to link it to MCR, but I felt you'd know what it felt like in this section most.
Rates and reviews much appreciated, in regards to writing style etc.
Love to you all!
I'm doing it. I'm giving up. Because let's face it, what is the point? I go to school, I come home I work, I eat, I sleep. That's all. So please, if you can, explain what is there for me? As Mum says, I'm going nowhere at the minute, I have no idea what I want to do.
It's so much worse than that though, because not only do I not have a goal, I don't want to have a goal. I guess it's because when people say Steph look 5 years into the future, I see darkness. I cannot see myself existing in 5 years.
Did you know it's been almost 11 months since I last cut, since I made the promise that after she died I wouldn't cut? I know it's gone so fast. Life at the minute is wizzing past me, as though it's the countryside when I'm on a train.
But I'm getting off track. The point is, that even though this may seem like I'm gonna kill myself. I'm not. I'm staying for you because you need me, and I'm staying for my brother. I cannot be selfish, and hurt everyone around me. (But I have no problems hurting myself, weird right?)
I don't want to do these exams, I don't want to wake up, and that scares me so much, but I just thought you should know that it's coming back, worse than ever. I'm having issues eating now. It's all going down the drain.
I need you to be there. I need to know I have someone.
I love you so so much, don't worry I'm not leaving yet.
Ok guys, in case you are a little confused, one of my best friends died when I was living in another country, a year before I was due to return. I made a vow to stop self harming a couple months after her death and have kept to it. But this is a letter to my internet friend, updating her. This isn't a pity party, I'm not doing this for attention, I just thought it sounded poetic, so yeh comments please :) xoxo
p.s. I said suicide is selfish, I don't mean it's weak. It's the worst thing ever and a last resort, but it would be the most selfish thing I could do. Just me, it may not be selfish in another situation, but it is in mine.