Heavily he sighed. It broke the silence that nearly deafened him as he stood there. He could feel nothing, he was nothing. It was almost like when he had walked out that door his soul was left behind, leaving him with tatters and brokenness. If he screamed he would waste what energy was left, if he cried he would fall weak and would be left with nothingness.
There was an underlying tone of fear coursing through him. He knew that nothing was right. He knew that everything had fallen apart. He might have spoken those meaningless words on the phone to Hannah but they held no weight with him now. How could he forget it? How could he let it go? Perhaps he was overacting. Perhaps a lot of things. But this was how he felt. This was what he was left with. He was empty, terrified, in need of a release that would just let him go.
This had more to do than Hannah cheating on him, betraying him. It also meant that his entire life he had built himself on lately was a lie. Those words she had spoken with her delicate body entwined with his were nothing more than the air that passed by him everyday. She had been his entire life and now all of it crumbled beneath his weight.
How was he expected to live this way? What darkness would he linger in if he continued? What night would follow him after this? He couldn't. He didn't have the strength. All he had was the painful torture that gave him no light, no life, no nothing.
He pushed himself off the wall and slowly walked to his studio. He knew that he had abandoned things today and that was for the best. Because with the wounds in his mind he was ready to abandon everything else just as easily. He opened the door and sat at the desk. He looked up at the camera hanging in one of the corners of the room, the one he had set up to document the beginning stages of the studio. He turned away harshly and glanced down at his trembling hands.
His head started spinning, his eyes burned with the held back tears. Harshly he pushed his hand against his forehead trying hard to break out of the haze he let himself slip into. This wasn't what he had wanted. This was what he had run from. HIs entire life he had tried to be more than he felt like he was. Yet here he was again, lost to his own emptiness and dwindled down to nothing at all as usual. All his work meant nothing, all of it was meaningless if he had nothing more to live for.
Standing up he rushed back into the kitchen. The Summer night whispering through opened windows around the house. Everything was quiet, there weren't any noises. Hesitantly he opened the kitchen drawer and drew out a knife. The dim light from the stove glinted on the silver as a tear slipped from his eyes.
He had to put an end to it. He had to let go and set himself free. If it was out of his life perhaps he could live. Somewhere, somehow.
Shannon stared at Emma for the longest time. She had just been crying, her eyes a red rimmed mess. She pushed her hair back and let out a shaky breath. He could feel his heart clench with sympathy. He understood her worry, her distress. He felt like he was losing Jared to Hannah. She had managed to captivate him enough until he was lured away from his entire circle of family and friends. Most people who weren't close to Jared didn't notice. Sure Jared was happy but he was sewn up into a world that involved only him and Hannah. Things like that usually ended badly. Things like that never survived without a crack to its glass case. He wanted his brother to be happy and he was thankful that Hannah had done that but he wanted him back, the way things had been before.
"I don't know if I'm wrong but....how can I help it?" Emma whispered, looking out over the view of LA.
Shannon danced his fingers through the sand beneath him and he nodded a little with understanding. He wasn't sure whether he should agree vocally or if he should let her know he didn't blame her.
"I know things were rough before he met her. He was in a serious state of depression, everyone was worried but she didn't pull him through that. He did that himself. She didn't do anything but make him fall in love and steal him away from the rest of the world. From us." She looked at him then, her tears glazing over the sharpened look in her eyes. She was jealous. Jealous of what? That she didn't have what they did? That she didn't have Jared like Hannah did?
"Nothing we can do." Shannon stated with a light shrug.
"You said she cheated on him?" He nodded. "Great....now everything is just going to get worst. Do you think she set out to destroy him?"
"No. I don't. I think she loves him. I just don't think either of them really know how to love with the whole world around. They just want to be by themselves but he can't do that." He pitied the both of them. Despite Jared's personality on stage, despite his mass amount of fame he really was a private person. Privacy meant the world to him especially if it meant Hannah. She was his, his personal triumph and his personal happiness. They were both so new to this sort of thing, the world not allowing them something similar before. How were they supposed to know how to handle it without shutting out the entire world?
Shannon felt terribly torn. He knew what Emma meant, how he himself felt given the fact that his brother had been so far away from him the past six months. But he also felt for Jared and Hannah's situation. It wrecked through him.
"He's just better off without her." She stated with a shake of her head as she looked back out at the night sky.
"He has to make that decision, Em. No one else can no matter what we think."
"You think so?" Emma asked, looking to him with a lifted brow and knowing eyes.
Shannon swallowed harshly. He saw everything there, all her feelings towards the whole situation and he looked away.
A crunch of leaves stole both their attention. They stood up quickly, searching the dark for what it had been.
"I didn't know anyone was up here." It was Hannah's voice that cut through the darkness.
"Don't worry about it. You alright?" Shannon stepped forward and managed to make out her delicate features.
Slightly she smiled. "I'm fine." She was lying, there were tears stained on her skin, her hair was a mess. She still wore the nightgown with only one of Jared's coats to keep her warm.
"What are you doing out here?" Emma nearly demanded as she stepped closer to Shannon's side.
"Just wanted to think, I guess..." Hannah whispered, turning her eyes out to the view. "I came up here with Jared on our first date. He was always so peaceful out here." A small smile tugged at her lips, a sad one.
"He really likes it out here." Shannon replied, trying his best to move away from Emma's cold presence beside him.
"Why did you cheat on him?" Emma stepped forward, her eyes harsh and her voice harsher still.
Hannah nearly gasped and Shannon shut his eyes on the tension.
"Em, please." Shannon looked to her pleadingly but she just stood there defiantly.
"It's okay..." Hannah whispered before she sat down on the rock they had just occupied. More tears fell from her eyes and she caught them with her fingertips. "I don't know, Emma. I just...I don't know." She rested her head in her hands and her cries came out in soft breaths.
"Hey, come on, it's none of our business." Shannon went to sit next to her on the rock, glaring up at Emma.
"He answered earlier....he said that he could forget it. He said he would come home so we could talk." She nodded as if she were trying to convince herself. She was still so unsure whether or not he had meant it. He had been in such a horrible state when he had left, How could she have blamed him? Why did she tell him it had been his fault?
"Maybe you should wait at home then?" Emma suggested, her arms folding across her chest.
"Yeah, we'll get you back and then get out of your way. How's that sound?" Shannon's voice was so soft that it nearly did the job of calming her completely.
"Sounds good." She replied, a small smile making its way onto her face.
Carefully he helped her up and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Emma took her other side and they both led her down to their car.
The drive was silent and short, Only a few minutes until they pulled up into their driveway.
"He's back." Hannah declared, a look of surprise, relief and worry painted on her face.
"Well go on then." Shannon said, unlocking the car door for her.
She nodded hastily before she rushed into the house, leaving the front door opened.
Shannon sighed, hoping inside that things would just go back to normal. Whether or not Hannah and Jared would hide out in their own world didn't matter anymore. He liked Hannah, he still stuck by that she was good for Jared. He just wanted things to get back to how they always were.
"Let's get out of here." Shannon said as Emma got into the passenger seat.
Shannon reached his hand out and set them on the keys. Just as he was about to turn it a scream of his name ripped through the air. Shannon's gaze shot to Emma who also jumped. They both rushed out of the car and into the house where Hannah had screamed.