Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Together Again
Chapter 5
1 ReviewsSpencer really does love Jon. Pete organizes a memorial.
Spencer woke up in his bed. He didn’t remember getting into bed. He swore he fell asleep with Jon on the couch. They had spent the day catching up and playing a few songs, after Ryan went to fetch a couple of more guitars for Brendon and him. Jon had brought his, but it wasn’t as if Spencer had guitars lying around. He was a percussionist. He had things like snare drums, cymbals and tambourines lying around his house. Ryan did bring back a shaker for him as a joke. Whenever they played acoustic sets, Spencer was always relegated to the shaker and sometimes a tambourine.
Ryan went to bed first. Spencer wondered when he’d become the old man of the group. Brendon wasn’t far behind and Spencer should have gone, too, but he really wanted to spend time with Jon. That’s why he was sure he fell asleep with Jon. So, how did he get in his bed?
He looked at the clock and noticed that it was only 7:30 in the morning. What the hell was he doing up? Something must have woken him. He stood and yawned, stretching his body before going to check on everyone. He was barely out of his bedroom when he saw Brendon stumbling down the hall with Penny in his arms.
“She had to go out,” he said by way of explanation. Spencer just nodded and Brendon moved to hug him. After a moment, Spencer felt more of Brendon’s weight on him and realized his friend was relaxing a bit too much. He smiled and put an arm around him and walked him back to the guest room. Brendon sat down on the bed and Penny went to lie on the pillow. “Thanks,” he said as he crawled under the sheet and quickly was asleep.
Spencer noticed Penny watching him intently even as he closed the door. The little dog was rather protective of Brendon. That was good. As he stood in the hall, he looked over at the door to the other guest room. It was still shut and he could hear Ryan’s soft snoring through it. He walked to the living room to check on Jon and Zack.
Zack was sprawled out in his chair, a blanket spread haphazardly over him. The couch, however, was empty. He was about to panic when he heard the soft strumming of a guitar out on the balcony. He walked over to see Jon sitting in one of the chairs, bare feet propped up on the railing as he played his guitar. Sliding the glass door open, he stepped out and sat down in one of the other chairs.
Jon looked up and smiled when he saw him. “I’m still on Chicago time,” he said, answering his unasked question.
Spencer nodded and put his feet up next to Jon’s. “Still damn early,” he said with a grin. He leaned his head back as Jon started playing again. The music was soothing. He felt very relaxed.
A short time later, the music stopped, but he was feeling so comfortable that he didn’t open his eyes, at least not until he felt something running along his leg. His eye snapped open and he saw Jon’s foot moving slowly along his calf. Swallowing hard, he turned his head to look at Jon. Jon was looking back at him, smiling softly.
Jon’s foot was sliding up under the leg of his pajama pants. Spencer realized he was getting extremely turned on. He really wanted to kiss Jon right now. As he got to his feet, Jon placed his guitar aside. This was one time Spencer really was glad his chairs didn’t have arms. He straddled Jon’s lap and grasped his face in his hands as he leaned forward and kissed him.
Jon’s hands found his hips and slid up under his shirt, gently rubbing his skin. Spencer moaned softly and ran his tongue over his lips before sliding into his mouth and along his tongue. Jon’s fingers flexed against his back and he moaned into his mouth. Spencer probed deeper, his hips thrusting forward on their own and a low, dirty growl came from deep in this throat.
“Spencer,” Jon murmured against his lips. “Spence, we should stop.”
Spencer let out a whine and broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against Jon’s. “Why?”
Jon chuckled. “We have plenty of time for this later. Right now, we need to think of Brendon. And I’m not going anywhere.”
He leaned back to look into those beautiful brown orbs. “You promise?”
That got a laugh out of Jon. He leaned to kiss Spencer briefly. “I promise. Now that I know what I want, I want to keep it. I want to keep you.”
Spencer smiled. “I’m glad.”
“So am I. Now, why don’t you go get some more sleep? I’m still two hours ahead. And you’re going to need to be well rested for tonight. I have a feeling it’s going to be rough on all of us.”
He nodded and kissed him one more time before getting up and heading back inside. He stopped before closing the door. “I love you, Jon.”
“I love you, too, Spence.”
Spencer was pacing. The car Pete was sending would be there in twenty minutes and Ryan and Brendon weren’t ready yet. They were used to Ryan taking so long, but Brendon was usually reliable.
“Calm down, Spence,” Jon said from the couch. “They have plenty of time.”
Spencer sighed. “I know. I’m just… worried. Nervous. Ready for this to be over.”
Jon stood and moved to wrap his arms around Spencer from behind. He felt him lean back into him, relaxing a little. “Why don’t you go check on Brendon? I’ll get Ross moving.”
He nodded, but didn’t move right away. He wanted to memorize the feeling of Jon’s arms. Finally, he pulled away and walked down the hall. He tapped on the door before opening it. “Bren? Are you about ready yet?”
He looked around the room and found Brendon sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, a pillow clutched tightly in his arms against his chest. Penny was in his lap protectively. Spencer moved over and sat down in front of him. “I can’t do it, Spence.”
“I know you don’t want to, but you can.”
“I don’t want to. I want her back, Spence. I want her back.”
Spencer opened his arms and Brendon crawled into them, burying his head into his chest and cried. He gently stroked his back. “I know, Brendon. I know.”
Fifteen minutes later, Spencer emerged from Brendon’s room with Penny in his arms. He looked worn out. He stepped into the living room to see Jon and Ryan waiting. He handed Penny to Ryan. “Take her out, please. I need to go change my shirt.”
“Is Brendon okay?” Jon asked, worry clear on his face.
“He’s better,” Spencer responded. “Just hit one of those walls.” He turned and headed back to his room to change.
He took off his shirt and tossed it on the floor as he headed into the closet. Brendon had cried for almost ten minutes straight, then he finally settled and Spencer had convinced him everything was going to be okay, that he had them to support him. He pulled another shirt off its hanger.
“Are you okay?”
He jumped, Jon’s voice surprising him. Turning to face him, he shook his head. “I just had to talk my best friend down. He was so distraught and I didn’t… I didn’t know what to say.” His arms fell to his side limply.
“You did what you needed to. Brendon is going to need us a lot right now. I know it’s hard. But like I said this morning, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here for you.”
He blinked up at him and smiled. Wrapping his arms around him, he hugged him tightly. “Thank you.”
“Now, get dressed. The car will be here soon.” He placed a light kiss on his temple before backing out of his arms and the closet, walking back to the living room.
The place was packed. Spencer hadn’t seen half the people there in years. It was great to see them, though. And to know that they were all there to support Brendon was amazing. Pete had taken them to a spot near the front of the room. Patrick and Elisa had been waiting for them to offer their condolences. Pete then pulled Brendon over a bit away from them. Spencer wondered how Pete knew how to throw together something like this so quickly.
Spencer looked up to see William Beckett walking towards them. “Hey, Bill,” he said in greeting just as he was being wrapped in a hug.
William pulled back and looked at him. “How are you holding up? I know how you can be, Spence.”
He shrugged. “I’ll make it. I have to, for Brendon’s sake.”
He smiled and glanced over at Jon. He grabbed him with one of his long arms and pulled him over. “Good to see you, Jon. I’m sure you’ll be helping this guy.” He grinned knowingly and Jon flushed.
Spencer looked between them. “He knows?” he asked incredulously.
“For a very long time, Smith,” William said with a grin. “Remember that first tour together? This guy couldn’t keep his eyes off you, even with Tom around.”
Jon’s face grew even redder. “Shut up, Beckett. It was none of your business then, and it’s definitely not your business now.” He was grinning as he spoke.
William laughed. “Hey, I’m happy for both of you. Finally, you gave into your temptations.”
Spencer couldn’t help but smile. He loved the flush to Jon’s cheeks. “I’m glad, too,” he said, his eyes on Jon.
Jon smiled at him and William hugged him tighter then moved over to talk to Brendon. “Sorry about that,” he said to Spencer after he left. “I guess we must be a bit obvious.”
“Maybe to those who really know,” Spencer replied with a grin.
They turned back to the room, both of them keeping an eye on Brendon. Ryan was off to the side with Dan, but they knew he was watching, too. They were like three mother hens, watching over their young.
Many of their friends came by. Hayley did as she had threatened and canceled their show to be there. The boys from Fun and The Academy Is… were there. Gerard, Mikey, Frank and Ray from My Chemical Romance showed up. Gee had hugged Brendon for almost five minutes. Luckily Lyn-Z was there to pull him off, though Brendon seemed much better afterwards.
They were continuously bombarded by people, never knowing who would be next. Spencer looked up and saw Keltie making a bee line for Ryan. “Oh shit, this won’t go well,” he muttered.
Jon followed his gaze and raised an eyebrow. “Hm, that is interesting.” He dragged his eyes across the floor, looking at the others wandering around and then saw someone that made his eyes widen. “Uh, Spence?”
“What?” He looked back at the crowd and saw her. Haley, his Haley, was walking right towards them. He took a step back and bumped into Jon, who laid a hand on the small of his back comfortingly. “Haley,” he said in greeting as she got to them.
She stopped and glanced at Jon then back to Spencer. “I’m here for Brendon,” she said. “Sarah was a friend, you know, as is Cassie.” She pointedly said the last to Jon.
Spencer and Jon looked at each other in panic. “I know,” Spencer replied. “I’m glad you’re here, really. I mean, Brendon needs all of his friends.”
She nodded sharply. “I hope you’re okay, too, Spencer. Don’t blame yourself.”
“I’m not,” he said. “At least not now. Someone made me realize that it wasn’t my fault.”
She smiled softly then stepped forward to hug him. “Deep down I still love you,” she whispered in his ear. “But I know you are now happier than you ever were with me.”
He relaxed into her arms. She knew and she understood. This made him feel so much better. “I am, Haley. And I’m sorry. I do love you, just not how I love him.”
“I know.” She stepped back and kissed his cheek before letting go. “Take care. Both of you.”
The service was nice. It felt odd to be sitting beside Jon without Ryan there, but he had insisted on sitting with Dan towards the back. It was the only time he wasn’t there for Brendon then entire night.
He sat on Brendon’s left, with Dallon on his other side. Brendon had both their hands tightly in his, though Spencer noted that it was his shoulder that Brendon was leaning on. Jon didn’t hold his hand, but he was sitting extremely close, making sure their bodies touched. It made Spencer feel better, safer.
Pete had a lot of people come up and speak about Sarah and what a wonderful and kind woman she had been. Brendon’s hand tightened on his every time her name was said. He squeezed back every time, reminding him he was there. He could feel Brendon smiling against his shoulder.
It lasted about thirty minutes, long enough for everyone to have their say, but short enough not to upset anyone. Brendon went to thank everyone who’d spoken, so Spencer and Jon stood to the side. Soon, Pete and Ryan approached them. “Guys, Ryan just had the most awesome idea,” Pete said.
Spencer raised an eyebrow. “Okay, what’s that?”
“You know how Brendon wants us to play together, right?” Ryan said.
Spencer glanced at Jon and saw him listening to Ryan intently. “Yeah,” he replied.
“Well, I thought maybe we could do a compilation album. You know have like an all-star band with us, Frank, Dallon, Ray, Joe, Andy, and whoever else. Then all the singers can, you know, sing songs by other groups. Like Hayley can sing a Fall Out Boy song, Patrick can sing something from Fun or whatever.” He shrugged.
Spencer considered Ryan’s proposal. It was actually pretty good. “That’s not a bad idea,” he said.
Jon nodded in agreement. “I actually think that would work and would probably sell a lot of records.”
“That’s what I was thinking!” Pete said excitedly. “I’m gonna go put this out to the others.” He bounced off into the large crowd.
“I didn’t think it was that great,” Ryan said, watching him.
“Actually, I do,” Spencer said. “It’ll be great for Brendon. And the more musicians that join, the better he’ll feel.”
“Maybe it should be all Fueled By Ramen musicians,” Jon proposed. “I mean, that way we can easily release it on FBR’s label.”
“Yeah, that might be a good idea.”
“But Gee and Frankie,” Ryan protested.
“Maybe their label will let them play,” Jon said with a smile.
“Yeah, I’m sure they will,” Spencer agreed. He smiled, knowing Brendon was going to love this idea. To play with Jon and Ryan again would make it all better.
Ryan went to bed first. Spencer wondered when he’d become the old man of the group. Brendon wasn’t far behind and Spencer should have gone, too, but he really wanted to spend time with Jon. That’s why he was sure he fell asleep with Jon. So, how did he get in his bed?
He looked at the clock and noticed that it was only 7:30 in the morning. What the hell was he doing up? Something must have woken him. He stood and yawned, stretching his body before going to check on everyone. He was barely out of his bedroom when he saw Brendon stumbling down the hall with Penny in his arms.
“She had to go out,” he said by way of explanation. Spencer just nodded and Brendon moved to hug him. After a moment, Spencer felt more of Brendon’s weight on him and realized his friend was relaxing a bit too much. He smiled and put an arm around him and walked him back to the guest room. Brendon sat down on the bed and Penny went to lie on the pillow. “Thanks,” he said as he crawled under the sheet and quickly was asleep.
Spencer noticed Penny watching him intently even as he closed the door. The little dog was rather protective of Brendon. That was good. As he stood in the hall, he looked over at the door to the other guest room. It was still shut and he could hear Ryan’s soft snoring through it. He walked to the living room to check on Jon and Zack.
Zack was sprawled out in his chair, a blanket spread haphazardly over him. The couch, however, was empty. He was about to panic when he heard the soft strumming of a guitar out on the balcony. He walked over to see Jon sitting in one of the chairs, bare feet propped up on the railing as he played his guitar. Sliding the glass door open, he stepped out and sat down in one of the other chairs.
Jon looked up and smiled when he saw him. “I’m still on Chicago time,” he said, answering his unasked question.
Spencer nodded and put his feet up next to Jon’s. “Still damn early,” he said with a grin. He leaned his head back as Jon started playing again. The music was soothing. He felt very relaxed.
A short time later, the music stopped, but he was feeling so comfortable that he didn’t open his eyes, at least not until he felt something running along his leg. His eye snapped open and he saw Jon’s foot moving slowly along his calf. Swallowing hard, he turned his head to look at Jon. Jon was looking back at him, smiling softly.
Jon’s foot was sliding up under the leg of his pajama pants. Spencer realized he was getting extremely turned on. He really wanted to kiss Jon right now. As he got to his feet, Jon placed his guitar aside. This was one time Spencer really was glad his chairs didn’t have arms. He straddled Jon’s lap and grasped his face in his hands as he leaned forward and kissed him.
Jon’s hands found his hips and slid up under his shirt, gently rubbing his skin. Spencer moaned softly and ran his tongue over his lips before sliding into his mouth and along his tongue. Jon’s fingers flexed against his back and he moaned into his mouth. Spencer probed deeper, his hips thrusting forward on their own and a low, dirty growl came from deep in this throat.
“Spencer,” Jon murmured against his lips. “Spence, we should stop.”
Spencer let out a whine and broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against Jon’s. “Why?”
Jon chuckled. “We have plenty of time for this later. Right now, we need to think of Brendon. And I’m not going anywhere.”
He leaned back to look into those beautiful brown orbs. “You promise?”
That got a laugh out of Jon. He leaned to kiss Spencer briefly. “I promise. Now that I know what I want, I want to keep it. I want to keep you.”
Spencer smiled. “I’m glad.”
“So am I. Now, why don’t you go get some more sleep? I’m still two hours ahead. And you’re going to need to be well rested for tonight. I have a feeling it’s going to be rough on all of us.”
He nodded and kissed him one more time before getting up and heading back inside. He stopped before closing the door. “I love you, Jon.”
“I love you, too, Spence.”
Spencer was pacing. The car Pete was sending would be there in twenty minutes and Ryan and Brendon weren’t ready yet. They were used to Ryan taking so long, but Brendon was usually reliable.
“Calm down, Spence,” Jon said from the couch. “They have plenty of time.”
Spencer sighed. “I know. I’m just… worried. Nervous. Ready for this to be over.”
Jon stood and moved to wrap his arms around Spencer from behind. He felt him lean back into him, relaxing a little. “Why don’t you go check on Brendon? I’ll get Ross moving.”
He nodded, but didn’t move right away. He wanted to memorize the feeling of Jon’s arms. Finally, he pulled away and walked down the hall. He tapped on the door before opening it. “Bren? Are you about ready yet?”
He looked around the room and found Brendon sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, a pillow clutched tightly in his arms against his chest. Penny was in his lap protectively. Spencer moved over and sat down in front of him. “I can’t do it, Spence.”
“I know you don’t want to, but you can.”
“I don’t want to. I want her back, Spence. I want her back.”
Spencer opened his arms and Brendon crawled into them, burying his head into his chest and cried. He gently stroked his back. “I know, Brendon. I know.”
Fifteen minutes later, Spencer emerged from Brendon’s room with Penny in his arms. He looked worn out. He stepped into the living room to see Jon and Ryan waiting. He handed Penny to Ryan. “Take her out, please. I need to go change my shirt.”
“Is Brendon okay?” Jon asked, worry clear on his face.
“He’s better,” Spencer responded. “Just hit one of those walls.” He turned and headed back to his room to change.
He took off his shirt and tossed it on the floor as he headed into the closet. Brendon had cried for almost ten minutes straight, then he finally settled and Spencer had convinced him everything was going to be okay, that he had them to support him. He pulled another shirt off its hanger.
“Are you okay?”
He jumped, Jon’s voice surprising him. Turning to face him, he shook his head. “I just had to talk my best friend down. He was so distraught and I didn’t… I didn’t know what to say.” His arms fell to his side limply.
“You did what you needed to. Brendon is going to need us a lot right now. I know it’s hard. But like I said this morning, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here for you.”
He blinked up at him and smiled. Wrapping his arms around him, he hugged him tightly. “Thank you.”
“Now, get dressed. The car will be here soon.” He placed a light kiss on his temple before backing out of his arms and the closet, walking back to the living room.
The place was packed. Spencer hadn’t seen half the people there in years. It was great to see them, though. And to know that they were all there to support Brendon was amazing. Pete had taken them to a spot near the front of the room. Patrick and Elisa had been waiting for them to offer their condolences. Pete then pulled Brendon over a bit away from them. Spencer wondered how Pete knew how to throw together something like this so quickly.
Spencer looked up to see William Beckett walking towards them. “Hey, Bill,” he said in greeting just as he was being wrapped in a hug.
William pulled back and looked at him. “How are you holding up? I know how you can be, Spence.”
He shrugged. “I’ll make it. I have to, for Brendon’s sake.”
He smiled and glanced over at Jon. He grabbed him with one of his long arms and pulled him over. “Good to see you, Jon. I’m sure you’ll be helping this guy.” He grinned knowingly and Jon flushed.
Spencer looked between them. “He knows?” he asked incredulously.
“For a very long time, Smith,” William said with a grin. “Remember that first tour together? This guy couldn’t keep his eyes off you, even with Tom around.”
Jon’s face grew even redder. “Shut up, Beckett. It was none of your business then, and it’s definitely not your business now.” He was grinning as he spoke.
William laughed. “Hey, I’m happy for both of you. Finally, you gave into your temptations.”
Spencer couldn’t help but smile. He loved the flush to Jon’s cheeks. “I’m glad, too,” he said, his eyes on Jon.
Jon smiled at him and William hugged him tighter then moved over to talk to Brendon. “Sorry about that,” he said to Spencer after he left. “I guess we must be a bit obvious.”
“Maybe to those who really know,” Spencer replied with a grin.
They turned back to the room, both of them keeping an eye on Brendon. Ryan was off to the side with Dan, but they knew he was watching, too. They were like three mother hens, watching over their young.
Many of their friends came by. Hayley did as she had threatened and canceled their show to be there. The boys from Fun and The Academy Is… were there. Gerard, Mikey, Frank and Ray from My Chemical Romance showed up. Gee had hugged Brendon for almost five minutes. Luckily Lyn-Z was there to pull him off, though Brendon seemed much better afterwards.
They were continuously bombarded by people, never knowing who would be next. Spencer looked up and saw Keltie making a bee line for Ryan. “Oh shit, this won’t go well,” he muttered.
Jon followed his gaze and raised an eyebrow. “Hm, that is interesting.” He dragged his eyes across the floor, looking at the others wandering around and then saw someone that made his eyes widen. “Uh, Spence?”
“What?” He looked back at the crowd and saw her. Haley, his Haley, was walking right towards them. He took a step back and bumped into Jon, who laid a hand on the small of his back comfortingly. “Haley,” he said in greeting as she got to them.
She stopped and glanced at Jon then back to Spencer. “I’m here for Brendon,” she said. “Sarah was a friend, you know, as is Cassie.” She pointedly said the last to Jon.
Spencer and Jon looked at each other in panic. “I know,” Spencer replied. “I’m glad you’re here, really. I mean, Brendon needs all of his friends.”
She nodded sharply. “I hope you’re okay, too, Spencer. Don’t blame yourself.”
“I’m not,” he said. “At least not now. Someone made me realize that it wasn’t my fault.”
She smiled softly then stepped forward to hug him. “Deep down I still love you,” she whispered in his ear. “But I know you are now happier than you ever were with me.”
He relaxed into her arms. She knew and she understood. This made him feel so much better. “I am, Haley. And I’m sorry. I do love you, just not how I love him.”
“I know.” She stepped back and kissed his cheek before letting go. “Take care. Both of you.”
The service was nice. It felt odd to be sitting beside Jon without Ryan there, but he had insisted on sitting with Dan towards the back. It was the only time he wasn’t there for Brendon then entire night.
He sat on Brendon’s left, with Dallon on his other side. Brendon had both their hands tightly in his, though Spencer noted that it was his shoulder that Brendon was leaning on. Jon didn’t hold his hand, but he was sitting extremely close, making sure their bodies touched. It made Spencer feel better, safer.
Pete had a lot of people come up and speak about Sarah and what a wonderful and kind woman she had been. Brendon’s hand tightened on his every time her name was said. He squeezed back every time, reminding him he was there. He could feel Brendon smiling against his shoulder.
It lasted about thirty minutes, long enough for everyone to have their say, but short enough not to upset anyone. Brendon went to thank everyone who’d spoken, so Spencer and Jon stood to the side. Soon, Pete and Ryan approached them. “Guys, Ryan just had the most awesome idea,” Pete said.
Spencer raised an eyebrow. “Okay, what’s that?”
“You know how Brendon wants us to play together, right?” Ryan said.
Spencer glanced at Jon and saw him listening to Ryan intently. “Yeah,” he replied.
“Well, I thought maybe we could do a compilation album. You know have like an all-star band with us, Frank, Dallon, Ray, Joe, Andy, and whoever else. Then all the singers can, you know, sing songs by other groups. Like Hayley can sing a Fall Out Boy song, Patrick can sing something from Fun or whatever.” He shrugged.
Spencer considered Ryan’s proposal. It was actually pretty good. “That’s not a bad idea,” he said.
Jon nodded in agreement. “I actually think that would work and would probably sell a lot of records.”
“That’s what I was thinking!” Pete said excitedly. “I’m gonna go put this out to the others.” He bounced off into the large crowd.
“I didn’t think it was that great,” Ryan said, watching him.
“Actually, I do,” Spencer said. “It’ll be great for Brendon. And the more musicians that join, the better he’ll feel.”
“Maybe it should be all Fueled By Ramen musicians,” Jon proposed. “I mean, that way we can easily release it on FBR’s label.”
“Yeah, that might be a good idea.”
“But Gee and Frankie,” Ryan protested.
“Maybe their label will let them play,” Jon said with a smile.
“Yeah, I’m sure they will,” Spencer agreed. He smiled, knowing Brendon was going to love this idea. To play with Jon and Ryan again would make it all better.
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