Oneshot #1 for Penina! :3 If anyone else reads, please rate and review. c: I worked hard on this. :D
"FRANK! WOULD YA KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE? IT'S LIKE YOU'RE IN THERE WITH A BUNCH OF DYING ANIMALS!!" she yelled. A horse whinnied.
Frank continued to sing off-key. "LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING VIRGIN!!!
Mia groaned and went to call her best friend, Penina. "Y'ello. It's the 'Nina speaking." Penina said.
"Ughh! Penina, my roommate is driving me crazy. Will you come over and keep me company?" Mia whined. There was a giggle in the background.
"Is he hot?" she said.
"Uh, yeah, sure. Please will you come? He's singing Madonna. Again. "
"Alrighty. I'll be right there. Hey, what's the dude's name?"
"Frank- FRANK I'M FUCKIN' SERIOUS, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP THERE WON'T BE ANY AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL TONIGHT." Penina heard an 'Awwww!' in the background.
15 Minutes Later. . .
Penina walked up to the apartment and knocked. No one answered. She figured Mia was probably making out with her Jared Padalecki poster and let herself in. "Mia you really need to get a vibra-!" A naked man jumped out of a door to her right screaming "UNICORN PENIS" right in her face.
Penina shrieked and covered her eyes. Before she covered them though, she noted that he was really small, and had defined abs. And his nether-region? That was pretty defined too. He had bright hazel eyes and a black mini-mohawk, with the fringe curling a bit at the end. He also had a silver lip ring, which he kept chewing on nervously. Penina assumed this was Frank, because Mia was into girls and her father wasn't white.
"Why are you just standing there?!" Penina yelped. Frank blushed a bright red and covered his groin with a Katy Perry album. It had the words Property of Master Frank Iero scrawled on it.
Frank hid behind the couch and laughed nervously. "Sorry 'bout that. I -high pitched giggle- thought you were Mia. I am so sorry!" he said awkwardly. He held out his hand and Penina shook it slowly. Even though this was a bad first impression Penina thought Frank was adorable. She had a bit of a crush on him now.
"S'okay. Uhh. . Where's Mia? I'm Penina by the way." she giggled.
"MIA GET YO GHETTO BOOTY UP HERE!" Frank yelled. Mia came stumbling downstairs, hair a mess and lipstick smudged. She was on the phone.
"El burrito se ha quedado atascado en el culo otra vez? No me importa si usted está atascado en la frontera!" She screamed into her cell. Translation: The burrito's up your ass again? I don't care if you're stuck at the border!"
She looked up and jumped. "Shit! I swear, my brother's lega- Ohhhh have you guys met? Frank, show Penina your plushie collection!' she said deviously. "And put some pants on for God's sake. Jeez, it's like a whore-house in here." Mia ran back upstairs.
There was an awkward silence as Penina and Frank stared at the ground, Penina trying to muffle her hysterical laughter. "What? A man can't have fricken' plushies?!" said Frank defensively. Penina laughed harder and Frank pouted.
"No, there's nothing wrong with that! I think it's cute. . . " she blushed a deep crimson.
Frank raised an eyebrow.
"It's just -giggle- that you -giggle- look so manly !" Penina laughed. Frank broke into a toothy grin and fist-pumped the air, dropping his precious Katy Perry album. (Okay, precious to Frank because he loves K.P. with a burning passion. It's like Bob and his cats.)
Penina's eyes widened and Frank gave a small squeak and ran upstairs.
"I didn't know it was this late. I can already see the moon!" Penina giggled to herself as she walked out. Mia was probably resuming her daily romp with Mr. Padalecki. . . .
A Month Later
Penina had managed to forget about the incident for a while, until Mia called her up again with an unusual request.
Penina's cell phone rang with the familiar tune of 'Aces High' by Iron Maiden. She picked it up. "Hullo?"
"PeninaI'msorryit'steno'clockandyou'reprollybusybutIreallyneedyourightnowandFrank'sfreakingoutbecause-FRANK QUIT PULLING ON MY LEG!-hisgirlfriendbrokeupwithhimandtoldeveryoneinourclassesthathe'sgayandIneedyoutopretendtobehisgirlfriendtomorrow!" Mia said in one breath. "Soooo. Can you do it?"
Penina thought it over for a moment. Frank was pretty hot, and he was so adorable. She grinned. "Okay!"
"Thank Morgan Freeman! Hey. . . uhhm could you hurry up? Frank is currently in my room singing 'If I Die Young' really loudly while eating all my ice-cream."
20 Minutes Later
Penina once again walked up the apartment steps. Before she knocked she fixed her fringe and re-applied her makeup. She really liked Frank. The door burst open and there stood Frank in his (thank God) Marvel pyjamas and a tear-stained face. "I heard you're going to be my fake girlfriend. You don't have to do this you know." Frank sniffled.
"No, it's fine. I actually don't mind." she said. Mia appeared at the door, passport in hand.
"I'm sorry I didn't say this but I forgot to tell you I have to go to Mexico to break my brother out of the illegal immigrants' camp." Mia whispered to Penina. Frank's eyes widened.
"Wait, who's gonna keep me company tonight? Mia, we always watch zombie movies on Friday nights." Frank whined. He looked on the verge of tears and Penina felt bad.
"I'll stay! I always wanted to watch Dawn on the Dead. . ." Penina smiled. Frank squealed and threw his arms around her. When he realized he was practically rubbing up on her and backed up.
"Shit, sorry 'bout that." he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. Mia ran out of the room for the moment to give them alone time.
"Can I come in?" Penina asked. Frank opened the door wider and let her in. The apartment looked smaller than usual but it looked cozy. There was a crackling fire by the living room, jazz music was softly playing in the background, and the room had the aroma of gingerbread cookies.
"I'm sorry it's so uncomfortable. My girlfriend was supposed to come over, but then she broke up with me." Frank looked down.
Penina dropped her bag on the floor and sat on the couch. "It's cool, you wanna make some pizza?" she said excitedly. She was warming up to Frank. He smiled sadly at her and nodded.
It was roasting in the kitchen and Penina and Frank were stripped to their underwear, covered in tomatoe sauce. She threw a glob of pizza crust on him. "Hah!"
"Hey! No fair!" Frank said and grabbed the bowl of pizza dough and dumped it in her. She screamed and hit his arm playfully.
"OH YOU'RE GONNA GET IT NOW YA LITTLE MIDGET!!!" she yelled. Frank screamed and ran out of the room. Panting, Penina walked through the apartment looking for him. She wiped some sauce off her neck and just as she was about to taste it Frank jumped out of the utility closet.
"SURPRISE!!!!" Frank yelled and Penina jumped back and shrieked. Frank was currently stuck in the closet so she was able to whack him on the head with her purse a bit. "HEY! HEY! BE GENTLE WITH ME I JUST GOT DUMPED!" he yelled.
"NOW I CAN BE WITH YOU!" Penina screamed happily. Oh shit. Did she just say that? She turned crimson and covered her face. "Fuck, I'm so sorry it just came out of my mouth." she said weakly. Frank grinned at her. He fucking grinned. There was a silence before Frank leaned out and pecked her on the lips. He smiled cheekily at her while she registered what just happened.
"I'm in love with the girl I flashed a month ago. This is weird. . ." Frank mused.
"And I'm in love with the boy with the plushie collection which he never showed me. " she giggled back.
"We have all the time in the world." he said huskily in her ear. He tried to cup her face with his hands but lost his balance and fell on top of her. They both yelped.
Just as they were about to get up Mia came rushing down the stairs with a huge camping backpack and a machine gun in hand. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs. "I knew you guys were perfect for each other!" she squealed, and did a victory dance. Frank and Penina stared at the gun, not sure what to think. Mia smiled toothily and patted both of them on the heads. "Have fun kiddies, and use a condom!' she laughed. Her phone rang. "Asegúrese de darle a los guardias los cupcakes con encajes y por amor de Dios, no deje caer el jabón! Estaré ahí en unos días. Esté listo para correr y grabyour tarjeta verde cuando vea mi coche." Translation: Make sure you give the guards the laced cupcakes and for God's sake, don't drop the soap! I'll be there in a few days. Be ready to run and grab your green card when you see my car. She spoke hurriedly into her cell. With that, she rushed out the door.
Frank helped Penina get up and they stool awkwardly, looking around at the carnage. Chairs were pushed over, sauce was everywhere, Katy Perry was playing, and Frank and Penina were about to have sex if Mia hadn't barged in! "I want to kiss you properly now." Frank said softly. He pulled Penina close to him and kissed her slowly but sweetly. She was everything his ex would never have, and never will be.
Penina didn't say anything. She didn't have to. And so, this is how Penina first met Frank.
Coming Up (Oneshot #2 -finale-) Penina pretends to be Frank's girlfriend and it leads up to more than they bargained for. RATE AND REVIEW PLEASE! I worked realllly hard on this.