There was a knock at the door. I sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I had no idea what time it was, but I knew it wasn’t too late. There was still sunlight coming in through the window. I didn’t remember falling asleep, but I must have. All that crying just left me exhausted.
There was another knock, and this time the door opened. Bert stood in the doorframe, staring at me. “Umm, I made lunch. If you’re hungry.”
“Lunch?” My voice cracked, probably because of all the crying.
He nodded, “Yeah. It’s nothing fancy. Just a ham sandwich with some chips.”
Neither of us said anything for a long time. I could tell the whole situation was uncomfortable for him because of the way he was standing. “I can... bring it to you. If you want.”
I sat up on the bed, “Sure.”
He sighed, rubbing his arms. “I really wish you would eat with me. You don’t have to stay cooped up in here all the time.”
“I’d rather stay here. You can bring me some chips.” I shook my head, “And something to drink.”
He was looking at the ground as he spoke. “Okay. Yeah.” He stood there for a few more minutes before leaving the room.
I had no idea why he was acting so strange. Was it because me being here reminded him of Gerard, or was it because of what happened earlier? Speaking of earlier, what did happen? Bert tried to tell me he was sorry for raping me in the backseat of his car. That he was sorry for practically ruining my relationship with Gerard.
I knew he was lying. A person doesn’t just do something like that and then feel bad about it. Especially if that same person had been abusing someone else for a long time. No, Bert wasn’t sorry. He wasn’t even capable of feeling guilty.
But the way he acted... I almost believed him. He seemed so sad when he mentioned it. Like, he really wished he could take it all back. And that was the worst part. Because what if he was telling the truth. What if he really was sorry?
But he wasn’t. It was all just some sick joke, a part of his stupid plan to try and get Gerard back once and for all.
There was a knock at my door again. Bert was back holding a bag of Doritos and a glass of water. He placed it beside my uneaten breakfast. I had almost forgot it was there. His eyes met mine for a split second before he grabbed the toast and empty glass. Without a word he was gone. He pulled the door closed behind him, but it didn’t shut completely.
When I was sure he was gone, I stood up. My whole body was sore, probably from the lack of sleep. I stood in the middle of the room for a long time, just looking around, thinking. By now Gerard would know I was gone. He would have the whole state looking for me.
Before I knew it, I would be back home with him, and Bert would never bother us again. Then once and for all, Gerard and I could be happy.
I grabbed the glass of water and took a long drink.
As soon as I put it back down on the table, my whole body started to shake with guilt. This was all my fault. If I wouldn’t have brought up the kid thing with Gerard, then we wouldn’t have fought, and none of this would be happening.
I collapsed on the floor, tears in my eyes. I could live with Gerard not wanting to have kids, as long as I had him back with me. More than anything I wished he was here, holding me. I needed to hear his voice, needed him to tell me everything would be okay.
I never heard the door open. I never noticed Bert sitting on the ground beside me. I have no idea how long he was sitting there, watching me, before he put his hand on my shoulder. All I know is that as soon as I felt him, I relaxed.
Maybe it was because I was thinking about Gerard, and how much I wanted it to be him. We sat like that for what felt like hours before I finally looked up to meet his gaze. As soon as my eyes met his, I jumped up off the ground.
Bert was touching me. The same man that raped me all those years ago, was touching me again. Only this time, he wasn’t trying to harm me. No, he was trying to comfort me. Which made absolutely no sense. He was the reason I was upset.
He stood up, “I’m sor--”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t want to hear it. You’re not sorry at all. If you were, you wouldn’t be doing this.” Crossing my arms, I sat down on the edge of the bed. “I don’t know why you’re even trying. No matter what you do, Gerard isn’t going to love you again. He never did.”
Bert’s face hardened, “That’s not true. Gerard loved me once, and you know what? I loved him too. I didn’t even know what love was until I was with Gerard. So don’t even say that.”
“He could have never loved you. You were abusive, and a drunk. He just stayed with you because he was scared!” I was yelling. There was no way he thought I was actually going to believe that Gerard cared about him once. It just wasn’t possible. Why would a guy like Gerard ever go for a guy like Bert? It didn’t make any sense.
“That’s not true!” He yelled. I could hear the aggression in his voice, and it was starting to scare me. It brought back memories of that day in the park. “Not everyone is perfect. Not me, and definitely not your precious Gerard! He was just as fucked up as me once.”
“Gerard was never like you.” My voice was cold. I knew it in my bones that Gerard was never anything like Bert. Gerard was sweet, and caring. Bert was the complete opposite.
He shook his head, backing out of the room. “There are so many things you don’t know about him.” Without another word, he turned around and left the room, pulling the door closed behind him.
What did he mean? There were things I didn’t know about Gerard? I knew enough to know that Bert was lying. I mean, I’d known Gerard pretty much my whole life. Ever since I became friends with Mikey, Gerard was always around. He was always so nice.
There was no way he could have been like Bert. Right?
A//N: I need your feedback, guys. Otherwise how am I supposed to know if you like this or not?