I really hope this doesn't turn out as a letter to another fallen friend.
Anna, didn't you promise me you wouldn't let yourself get to this point when we pulled that all nighter? I recall that you did. You know the one on gmail chat where it was like you were staying over at my dad's place? I don't know what to say or do man. I'm in shock again. I feel the same way I did when I read Kathy's post about Lornaigh. I just have that horrible heavy weight feeling in my chest at four twenty-two in the morning. Everyone else is asleep. Everyone of course was asleep when I found out about Lornaigh as well.
You know I'm crying on and off in that weird way that I do for you? Why didn't you email me?! I am so sick of this "nobody cares bullshit" everybody seem to have.
I fucking do care man. I care a fucking lot. I'm your fucking friend who really is hoping to God she isn't a former friend.
I'm not going to tell you to stick around for me or anyone else if you're still alive but you need to stick around for you.
This is NOT WORTH IT ANNA.
I KNOW WHAT DEPRESSION IS ANNA. I WAS TREATED FOR IT. I TOLD YOU MY STORY THE NIGHT YOU GAVE ME YOUR WORD YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS.
Anna what can I even utter?
I guess I'll go now. I truly will be praying that you're still breathing or in a hospital somewhere right now.
If you're not, I guess this is goodbye. I'll be praying that God is taking care of you.
Adnarim Smada, you know where to find me.
P.S: I had a dream last night specifically involving you. I looked up the meaning. It had to do somewhat with death. Maybe it was God's warning to me that I was about to lose another friend.