"You really shouldn't hang out with me, you seem like a good person, I'm not the kind you should be friends with, I'm a challenge." I said coldly. "A challenge? I'd love a challenge." Brendon repl...
"Yeah," I mumbled, not insulted by him, if I were still six I most likely would've been crying my eyes out right now.
But I'm not anything near that anymore so I just walked upstairs and put my headphones on blast. As I entered my room I just stared blankly at the walls, it wasn't until I got pushed inside that I came back to reality. I rolled my eyes and started organizing some stuff, it wasn't even messy in here. I could hear the poker game playing on the T.V. and my dad calling up him friends, placing bets over the phone and cheering loudly at the television screen.
"What ever happened to when you actually loved me, dad?" I asked myself.
While cleaning I peeked out into the hallways, no one home yet. Every few minutes I would open and close the door to see if anyone had arrived. I was looking forward to seeing mom since dad doesn't really hurt me while she's around. Somehow, I know that he still loves her, as much as he did before.
"Where is everyone?" I wondered. They said they were going to look for houses so that we could finally move out of this worthless apartment. I just shrugged it off and began searching for any trash under the beds. Of course there was like 90 gallons of tissues , paper, wrappers of random food and screwed up clothes. I always tried to not touch the guitar that lied under the bed, I'd seen it once before and it was beautiful. I didn't understand why my dad just covered it with trash but never let me touch it, ever. Even if I was cleaning, never ever. Different times I would be so close to pulling out and just playing it, I tried once and I almost jumped over the balcony out of fright. I shivered at the memory, to think I was going to either commit suicide or have my dad kill me because of a freaking guitar. I didn't want to keep thinking about that so I continued cleaning my room, which was technically my Dad's since I slept in the bathroom all the time, trust me I'd rather sleep there every night than with my dad. I have blankets and pillows in that bathroom too, if not for the toilet and sink people couldn't have noticed that it was actually a bathroom and not a bedroom.
While digging through all the ild boxes I wasn't allowed to touch and all the trash I was allowed to take since it was my job, I felt something oddly shaped and pulled it out from under the bed, sort of struggling since I kept bumping my hand on boxes and trash.
"Probably dad's teeth container," I mumbled, he would be pretty surprised and pissed for no reason- since he's always pissed, if I showed him this. I could imagine him rambling on about how I wasn't allowed to touch his stuff and he'd take it from me, thinking that I don't know he's actually thankful for it.
After rumbling around the boxes and trash I got it out, it was a flower. My flower. It was in a weirdly shaped case and I remembered it like it was just yesterday. As corny as that sounds, it was my favorite memory. I remember my dad getting it out of a rose bush and telling my mom about how beautiful it was, and he said that no matter how many roses he would have we were the most precious and most important part of his life. Just staring at it I felt a few tears streaming down my face.
"Why am I crying? This is stupid." I told myself.
I opened it out of curiosity and I really wanted to remember some happiness out of this. Of course the flower was there, but there was a note, no there were like 20 notes, and being me, I read them all. But only one of them caught my actual full attention. Now I'm not sure if I should regret it with my life or be the happiest I've ever been.
My Dearest flower,
One day It'll seem as if I don't love you anymore, but you have to understand I'm keeping you safe. I will never forgive myself if I end up hurting you or your mother. Please I hope you find these letters because these could save me, from myself. I know you don't understand but something happened and I'll end up hurting you and your mother someday. Please if you're reading this show them to me, I don't want to hurt you. Everything about this is truly confusing it's just that when I wrote this I was in the hospital, remember? Before I was permanently going to forget you and your mom. After my surgery was finished, I still remembered how much I love you and wrote these because, oddly enough I felt all the memories slipping away. No matter what I do to you, I love you flower.
That was a smack in the face, I thought. Should I show him this? I did miss my old Dad, but this, this crazy idea scared me, badly. I felt like I was killing myself inside. I had to relax, I took a deep breath and held the shriveled flower to my heart and then swiftly placed it back into the box.
"Oh god, I think I might to hell for this." I said before running down the stairs with the box and the flower.
"Dad," I said, waiting for whatever cuss word he was going to use this time.
"What do you want, kid?" he replied. Wow, no cuss word. But, to be honest I was scared out of my mind about this.
"C-can I talk to you, Dad?" I stuttered out.
"Whatever, just do it quick before the poker game comes back on the T.V." he said.
I didn't know where to start so I just said this, "I don't know if you might get mad if I talk to you about this but please, you're my dad I hope you remember that you love me because, I do, I really do. And I hope that deep down you can still remember this." I handed him the box.
"Love. Hmph, you think you know what you're talking about." He said sarcastically and grabbed the box out of my hands. He looked at it for a few seconds with a confused face, I guess he was debating if he should be mad or confused.
"What the hell is this?!?" he screamed. I guess he decided to be mad. Then again, my plan backfired , shit. His reaction sorta made it seem as if he recognized it though.
"I-i don't know, it's yours please I found it, just read it daddy." I replied. Daddy. Why did I say that? I sounded like a dumb five year old again, I was supposed to be strong.
He was about to say something, then he gave up and read the letters. I watched him read cautiously, I knew that at any time he could burst out in screams. I also looked at his facial expressions, every once in a while it seemed as if he remembered something and the he looked confused again, I hated that.
"W-what is this, Rose?" He sounded scared, freaked out. That was the first time in years I'd heard him like this, it was also the first time in a pretty long time he actually said my real name instead of the millions of cuss words jammed into his head.
I didn't reply automatically, I was as surprised as he was, or as he looked like he was.
"It's yours, or it was yours. I- don't- I-it's, I'm sorry," I stuttered crazily.
"Don't be mad," I said added, in a loss of words. It felt like every word I knew, everything I studied just got washed out of my mind.
"What!?!?! Don't be mad, I- I, you better, !" He stuttered, until he calmed down.
"I-I'm sorry, Rose. What is this, could you tell me?" Whoa. He apologized and was asking me for something, politely. Was it my lucky day or something?
"Alright, I'm not sure what it is dad, but you wrote these-" I stopped midway of my sentence and scooted closer to him.
"-before you lost your memory of us, mom and I. You wrote these, I guess you knew that because of your loss of memory you would be mea- I mean negative all the time, and maybe even take it out on mom and I. In the letters you wrote that if that did happen to give these to you because maybe, somehow you would remember us, and live the way we used to. I don't know if you know this but before you actually loved me, you were actually proud of yourself for once, proud of me. I was an honors student and even when I got answers wrong on my tests you were still so proud. You always told me to aim high and you said when I graduated you would be there cheering me on loudly in the crowd. After you got your surgery and started acting like 'this' I lost all my trust in you. My graduation is in a year, I'm going to be a high school senior tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it at all, everything I do, everything I study, all the tests I do, I do them to make you proud, no matter how horribly you treated me. So do you remember?" I was on the verge of tears and I was pretty surprised that I actually wasn't bawling my eyes out yet. I realized too I wasn't just explaining the letters to him anymore I was pouring my thoughts out to him, and now I was waiting to get slapped.
But instead he said, "I didn't know I did that to you, I'm sorry flower."
Flower. Wait, flower? "What did you say?" I blurted out.
"I said I'm sorry flower." he replied.
"How did you know about that nickname?" I asked him.
"I don't know, I think I remember some stuff, but I mean what I said."
"Thank you, Daddy." I replied. It turned silent for a few minutes so I automatically broke that.
"What's our family now Dad?"
"I'm not sure, flower." I wanted to yell at him not to call me flower. I wanted to scream about how he abandoned us and all we did was clean up after his ass I wanted to yell and scream everything I felt.But I couldn't get myself to do it, it wasn't his fault, he didn't want this.
"Do you still love us? I mean we're your family, we love you."
"I think so, like you said, we're a family, I don't even understand why I was ever angry at you. But, I promise you we'll fix this, together. Like a family should."
"Not yet, Dad. I think you should get help, it could be the first step into fixing our family."
"Help? Like Mental Hospitals? Flower, I don't need that stuff."
"Just try Dad, a lot of people lives have been saved because of that, we could just give it a few weeks, if there's really no improvement, we'll work it out together." I was talking slowly, I mean who wouldnt, I was telling my dad to get mental help.
"Alright, for you flower."
Before anything got even more awkward than it already was, Mom walked in from the door. She looked tired and noticed at Dad and I. I gave her a look that said, I'll tell you later
"Hey guys," she said awkwardly.
"Dinner?" she added.
"Sure mom, need help?" I asked
"Please flower." she replied.
I headed to the kitchen, leaving my dad sitting on the sofa watching TV.
"What was that, Rose?"
"I found letters, before Dad got his surgery he wrote them. They were for you and I, before his memory got taken he wrote them about how if he ever hurt us we had to read him the letters about how he wished that he could understand, and that he would miss our old family's relationship, and that surgery was just to keep us safe." I said while slicing different vegetables and placing them in the bowl.
"Wow. Sweetheart, I miss your father very much."
"I miss him too mom, you know he agreed to getting help though?"
"He did, that's amazing, we could get our family again. Maybe, just maybe though. But, I promise you, I'll always be here, if it might not work out. But trust me, I really hope it does, I miss having our happy family."
"I do too, Mom."
"Hey, school tomorrow leave me to this and go study, You're going for those A's right?" She suggested.
"'Course Mom, Once I get into USC I'll be the one who'll take care of you, and you won't have to worry about me anymore."
"That's my girl. Love you, sweetheart."
"Love you too, Mom just call me when dinner's ready."
With that done I walked up to my room and scanned through some textbooks, senior year is starting tomorrow. It's A's mom wants, its A's she'll get. I had to get into USC to get a good job and take care of mom, she works to hard everyday for dad and I. This- good grades and college, was how I was going to repay her for being amazing to me.
I was about to fall asleep on my textbooks before I heard screaming, my mom's screaming. Oh god. I grabbed my dad's gun from his shoebox, I filled it and ran down the stairs.
I stopped at the last step, it seems they didn't notice my footsteps. It was dark around the staircase so they couldn't see me but I saw him, some horrible bastard was killing my mom. I didn't know what to do so- as much as it hurt to not scream, I tiptoed quickly near them, tears silently streaming down my cheeks while I tiptoe-ran. My mom caught sight of me and gasped but looked away, I noticed who the attacker was, my dad.
"Dad!" I gasped, realizing where I was I covered my mouth.
"You, you stupid girl! Get out of here before I kill you too!" He yelled.
"You promised! You don't love us, you worthless idiot! I'm your daughter and don't you realize mom loves you, she's the reason why you're still alive, you never said thank you or anything she's been the one giving you a home and food in your stomach even all that stupid beer you drink every five freaking minutes!" Uh Oh. Why did I yell that? Oh no. He smirked.
"Everything coming out of your mouth is all lies, dirty rotten lies. Shut up! Both you and your idiot mother!"
He let go of her stomach and lifted her up by the neck, slamming her into the wall.
"Mom!" I yelled. He just laughed at me.
"Go to hell!!! I hate you! Leave her alone!" I yelled back.
"You can't do anything! I was right you're just a worthless piece of crap!"
"Fine, but I'll shoot! Let her go, now."
He let her go. Then lunged at me, he was trying to grab the gun. I didn't know what to do so I just shot, he fell off of me. What did I do? I got up and ran to my mom.
"M-mom are you alright?" She was coughing hard.
"Should I take you to the hospital?" I asked, worry filling my mind.
"Your father, flower." she coughed out.
"Dad! Oh no, Dad!"
I ran to dad, quickly checking for anything, I had shot his ankle.
"Mom, Dad's ankle!"
"I'll call 911, Rose wrap up your fathers ankle, now!"
I grabbed the first aid kit and wrapped up his leg with the band aid wrap.
Minutes seemed like hours as the ambulance arrived. I didn't want to think about anything on the drive there and the worst thing was I just realized I probably just killed my dad, and him and I were going to straight to hell.
As I sat down in the waiting room I felt like crap.
"It wasn't your fault you were defending us."
"I shouldn't have shot him though, mom I might've killed him."
She didn't reply and we sat there in silence for what felt like days.
I didn't realize I was about to fall asleep before I felt my mom let go of my hand and I snapped right back awake.
"Mom?" I asked blinking my eyesca few times.
"Doctor, could you wait a second?" I heard her say.
"Of course, Ma'am." The doctor replied.
"Rosie, I think you should hear whatever the doctor's going to say, with me."
"Is dad okay?"
"I guess we'll find out, sweetheart."
"Alright, I guess."
I was so scared, if I killed my dad, what would my mom think of me and would I go to jail for this?
"Well, he's in a comatose state right now and we aren't sure when he'll wake up, could be days, weeks, months, even years. Miss I'm very sorry, also we're going to have you fill out some paperwork about this, if you don't mind."
Mom took a deep breath, "Of course doctor."
"Mom, I'm so sorry." I gasped.
"No need sweetheart." she said sweetly and embraced me tightly.
"Can I see him?" I asked, she glanced at the doctor but then took a look at the clock.
"Not tonight, flower you have to go home, your senior year starts tomorrow."
"Alright mom, What about you?"
"Ill stay here with your father tonight, I'll see you in the morning, I love you, Rose."
"Love you too,mom. Good night."
"Good night." she said as she handed me her keys.
The drive home was quick and since it was 1:00 in the morning I laid out what I was going to wear tomorrow and organized my backpack. I didnt sleep in the bathroom this time, I slept in my dad's bed talking to myself apologizing to nothing until I realized I really sounded like an idiot and went to sleep.