CRITICS! Calling all critics. Please be extremely critical of my story. It's for a class, so, help me? I'm drowning in my hopeless words!
As ravens call, perfectly fitting your anxious mood, beads of cold water fall from above. You look up, still cautiously moving towards the door ajar. More and more fall, vaguely familiar smells fall around you. Only a few seconds pass before you're drenched in rain and the cigarette puffs its last breath. It's what we do, you think, sighing before dropping your used everyday dose of cancer on the ground. Deathly chirps ring to your poor ears, breaking you away from the moment and back to mechanical world. Light flashes false hope when you pull out your phone. It's your dead friend. Only it's not, just a person with the same name. You decide to answer anyway, putting one headphone back in the vacant ear. You continue on your brisk walk, leaving the corporate grave and its scarred but lively supermodel to rot. The rain mixed with the voice of someone you barely know carries you back up the wretched streets. Past “suicide bridge”, past the person you were a minute before. You laugh. That voice on the line laughs. You make plans to pass each other by, to say hello sometime far from the abandoned brick building, far from pieces of cardboard telling you what to do.
PLEASE BE CRITICAL! IT SEEMS TOO DENSE TO ME AND I'M NOT SURE HOW TO FIX IT. D;/