Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Dust N' Bones
So Fine
2 Reviews"I've done everything I can, not knowing that at the start you hurt me first. That when you were insulting me for who I was, that you were something worse."
Now - February 16th 1989
“I said, I’m sorry, how many more times do I have to say it, Slash?”
Axl clenched his fists, trying to keep his anger in check. Slash was making him more stressed by the minute and he was having a hard time keeping his anger at bay. He breathed slowly, looking up at Slash, who was shouting at him. But he couldn't hear the words, he could only hear his heartbeat, and it was getting faster. He needed to get away, away from the situation. So the singer pushed Slash away from the door and stormed out of the room. He jumped down the stairs, trying to find the nearest bottle of alcohol. He groaned when he heard the patter of feet behind him and they were pissed off.
“Don't walk away from me, Axl Rose.”Axl flinched when he heard the angry tone in Slash's tone. Shaking, he started to search harder for the alcohol, slamming open cupboards and shutting them harshly when he couldn't find any. The guitarist grabbed him and turned him around, pinning him to the bar, arm at either side of his body. Axl, feeling claustrophobic and threatened, shoved him off, glaring at him with a dangerous glint in his eye. But Slash didn't notice this, he was still hurt and angry. Axl opened his mouth, trying to warn the guitarist, he didn't want to hurt him, not again.
“Slash, please, can we do this later?”
“No, this is not on your terms any more. You promised me that you would be here for Valentine's Day, that we would go out,” Slash started, his face becoming red and hot. His voice was raising with every word he yelled. Axl felt like he was going to blow and he needed to get away, to get away from Slash. There was no-one in the house to help him out, to get Slash away from the situation so that meant that they were all alone. Axl felt the anger flow through his veins and all he wanted was to be alone.
“I come back here and find a note from our manager, telling me that you were in Germany for some fucking interview. You promised, Axl and you broke it. I can't believe that you would be that spiteful, not now anyway. How coul-” Slash was cut off when he was pushed into the TV and fell into a glass table, breaking it with his fall. The TV fell off of the stand and beside Slash's body, missing him by an inch. The guitarist lay on the ground, groaning in pain and Axl felt tears brim at his eyes. Slash looked up at Axl, who had his hands curled by his sides and his chest was heaving and felt scared for the first time in almost 11 months. He slowly but surely stood up, the pain mostly in his ribs. Brushing some glass off of his jeans, Slash looked over at Axl, who now was gulping down a bottle of Jack Daniels, avoiding his gaze.
“What the fuck was that?”
Axl ignored him, walking over to the couch and jumping onto it, sighing in relief when he got comfortable. Slash stalked over, hissing in pain when he stepped in some glass on his way, “I asked you a fucking question, Axl. What the hell do you think your playing at? You know, this is why I can't trust you. You did the exactly the same thing last year when I asked you to go out to dinner with me.” Slash continued, sitting on the arm chair of the couch across from Axl's. Axl drowned the remaining drops of the drink and threw the bottle away, it landing on the floor beside them.
“Remember? Smashing my head into the wall, this is how I got this?” Slash taunted, pointing at the little scar on his jawline,” Do you also remember smashing your fist into my face, giving me multiple bruises?”
Axl felt like a piece of shit, guilt clouding his stomach and he tried to relax, listening to what Slash had to say about that night, listing every detail of what Axl did to him. So Axl blocked it out, tried to forget the memories of the start of their relationship. Yes, they had a relationship the year before, even though Axl tried to deny it. They didn't sleep with anyone else, and Axl felt comforted by that. So he kept quiet and allowed the brunette to scream and insult him, “So, bloody and even though I could barley walk, you threw me out. So I found the nearest bar and I almost drank myself to death,” Slash went on, not even realising what he was saying, he just wanted to hurt his boyfriend.
“And you know what I did what I had to do? I was so ashamed that I couldn't go to hospital, so I basically crawled home and Duff had to stitch me up,” Slash's own hands shook and he screwed his eyes shut, trying to forget of what happened with Axl. This got Axl's attention, Slash had never told him about this, he only told him that a friend nursed him back to health. When they got back together, Slash and Axl had talked everything through, got out all the secrets.” I was so desperate for someone to actually give me some attention. You were loving me the wrong way, it felt more like I was your toy than an equal, I got so wasted that I allowed Duff t-”
Slash's eyes widened and he stopped himself from continuing. Axl was sitting on the couch, looking up at him, urging him to continue,” You allowed Duff to do what?” The singer stood up when Slash looked away from his intense gaze. He never wanted Axl to find out about the night he and Duff never talked about. He felt Axl's warm fingers on his chin and they forced Slash to look up at Axl. The singer had a vulnerable look in his eyes, begging Slash not to say what he dreaded. Axl's thumb ran over his scar, his nail tracing the outline of Slash's full bottom lip.
“Tell me or I’ll go ask him myself and you know what might happen if he tells me.” Slash could tell that Axl meant what he said, he was capable of anything when it came to Slash. But at least if Slash told Axl the truth, he wouldn't do anything rash. Right now, he seemed calm but not totally collected. Slash closed his eyes when Axl's thumb continued to stroke his lip, pressing down hard so when he pulled away it left a small print of his thumb for a few seconds.
Axl felt like Slash had stabbed him over and over, ripped out his heart and cut it up. Axl had made up for hurting Slash, sure they had their fights but it wasn't as bad as it was. They were happy for once. But the thought of Slash cheating on him with someone else made him felt sick, it made Axl want to kill himself.
He had never thought that Slash would make him feel like that.
“I...We...” Slash stuttered.
Axl let out a low warning growl, causing Slash to jump a little,”Did you cheat on me with Duff?” Axl whispered, and Slash let his head drop onto Axl's chest, sobbing lightly, fisting the t-shirt in his dark hands. Axl's hand traveled up Slash's tattooed arm, nails scratching slightly before they tangled in the long dark curls. They massaged his scalp, curling the shiny strands around his fingers. A few minutes later, Slash nodded and mumbled a 'yes.'
”I've been blaming mostly myself for damaging you, draining you, I have worked for your trust and our friends' trust, for our relationship.” Axl let Slash's hair go, letting his hand fall to his side. Now he knew what it felt like to have a broken heart.”You've been hiding this away for almost a year, playing the role of the fucking victim, letting me take all the shit, knowing that it was killing me inside and you never thought to tell me?” Axl took a step back, shoving away Slash's hands when they tightened on his t-shirt to keep him close. Slash's head dropped and he continued to sob, silently chanting Axl's name.
“Axl, please. You don't understand.” Slash begged, reaching out for his hand but Axl stepped aside.
“Your right, I don't. You bitched and whined when I fucked a few people, forced me to stop that. I did, for you. But you still pushed me and pushed me to my limit until I exploded. I could get over it if it was a random fucker but this is someone who is my friend, someone I fucking work with. All this time Duff has been patronizing me for what I did to you but he took you away. Your not mine any more!”
"I am, i've always been yours and i always will be!"Slash gasped for air, dreading the next few minutes.
"No, your not. I can't see that, i can't see you! "
Slash wiped his cheek and watched as Axl paced the room, his own tears running down his face before he sat down again. Sniffing, Slash leaned down in front of Axl, hand coming up to cup his face,”I'm sorry, baby. We can work this out, can't we?” Slash hummed, thumbs rubbing away the tears from Axl's face, looking into his watery eyes. Axl wanted to say yes, but if he did, all he would see is Duff and Slash. He would hate Slash for the rest of his life and Duff too.
“I don't think we can. I've changed for you, I've done everything I can, not knowing that at the start you hurt me first. That when you were insulting me for who I was, that you were something worse. I changed because I knew that you would never hurt me, I never thought that you would be the one to break me. But you have and I don't think that I can go back from that.” Axl finished off, pulling Slash's hands off of his face before he stood up again, wiping the fresh tears away as hard as he could.
Slash's head shook wildly, “No, it can't end like this. I won't let that happen. We've been through worse.” Slash said quickly, looking at Axl then to the door, refusing to let him go toward it. Axl gasped when Slash suddenly grabbed him and tried to bring his mouth toward his own, trying to shove his tongue into Axl's mouth. He allowed it for a few seconds, enjoying the passion behind the kiss, the love and the need that Slash held for him. Axl came back to his senses and pushed Slash off but the guitarist refused to let him go.
“Slash, please, let me go.”
“No, not you. I need you, we're forever. I can't live without you.” He choked trying to pull Axl back into his embrace but the singer dodged and made a clean run for the door. Slash followed and tried to talk him out of it,” I need you to love me.” Axl grabbed his keys and opened the door, looking back to say one last thing to him.
“That's what I needed from you but I don't feel that any more.” He said before he left, shutting the door quietly behind him. Slash stood there, no emotion left on his face, before he collapsed to the ground. He rocked himself back and forth, cursing Duff's life but then started hating his own. He laughed, only a few hours before he had everything and now, in a few short moments, it was ripped from him.
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“I said, I’m sorry, how many more times do I have to say it, Slash?”
Axl clenched his fists, trying to keep his anger in check. Slash was making him more stressed by the minute and he was having a hard time keeping his anger at bay. He breathed slowly, looking up at Slash, who was shouting at him. But he couldn't hear the words, he could only hear his heartbeat, and it was getting faster. He needed to get away, away from the situation. So the singer pushed Slash away from the door and stormed out of the room. He jumped down the stairs, trying to find the nearest bottle of alcohol. He groaned when he heard the patter of feet behind him and they were pissed off.
“Don't walk away from me, Axl Rose.”Axl flinched when he heard the angry tone in Slash's tone. Shaking, he started to search harder for the alcohol, slamming open cupboards and shutting them harshly when he couldn't find any. The guitarist grabbed him and turned him around, pinning him to the bar, arm at either side of his body. Axl, feeling claustrophobic and threatened, shoved him off, glaring at him with a dangerous glint in his eye. But Slash didn't notice this, he was still hurt and angry. Axl opened his mouth, trying to warn the guitarist, he didn't want to hurt him, not again.
“Slash, please, can we do this later?”
“No, this is not on your terms any more. You promised me that you would be here for Valentine's Day, that we would go out,” Slash started, his face becoming red and hot. His voice was raising with every word he yelled. Axl felt like he was going to blow and he needed to get away, to get away from Slash. There was no-one in the house to help him out, to get Slash away from the situation so that meant that they were all alone. Axl felt the anger flow through his veins and all he wanted was to be alone.
“I come back here and find a note from our manager, telling me that you were in Germany for some fucking interview. You promised, Axl and you broke it. I can't believe that you would be that spiteful, not now anyway. How coul-” Slash was cut off when he was pushed into the TV and fell into a glass table, breaking it with his fall. The TV fell off of the stand and beside Slash's body, missing him by an inch. The guitarist lay on the ground, groaning in pain and Axl felt tears brim at his eyes. Slash looked up at Axl, who had his hands curled by his sides and his chest was heaving and felt scared for the first time in almost 11 months. He slowly but surely stood up, the pain mostly in his ribs. Brushing some glass off of his jeans, Slash looked over at Axl, who now was gulping down a bottle of Jack Daniels, avoiding his gaze.
“What the fuck was that?”
Axl ignored him, walking over to the couch and jumping onto it, sighing in relief when he got comfortable. Slash stalked over, hissing in pain when he stepped in some glass on his way, “I asked you a fucking question, Axl. What the hell do you think your playing at? You know, this is why I can't trust you. You did the exactly the same thing last year when I asked you to go out to dinner with me.” Slash continued, sitting on the arm chair of the couch across from Axl's. Axl drowned the remaining drops of the drink and threw the bottle away, it landing on the floor beside them.
“Remember? Smashing my head into the wall, this is how I got this?” Slash taunted, pointing at the little scar on his jawline,” Do you also remember smashing your fist into my face, giving me multiple bruises?”
Axl felt like a piece of shit, guilt clouding his stomach and he tried to relax, listening to what Slash had to say about that night, listing every detail of what Axl did to him. So Axl blocked it out, tried to forget the memories of the start of their relationship. Yes, they had a relationship the year before, even though Axl tried to deny it. They didn't sleep with anyone else, and Axl felt comforted by that. So he kept quiet and allowed the brunette to scream and insult him, “So, bloody and even though I could barley walk, you threw me out. So I found the nearest bar and I almost drank myself to death,” Slash went on, not even realising what he was saying, he just wanted to hurt his boyfriend.
“And you know what I did what I had to do? I was so ashamed that I couldn't go to hospital, so I basically crawled home and Duff had to stitch me up,” Slash's own hands shook and he screwed his eyes shut, trying to forget of what happened with Axl. This got Axl's attention, Slash had never told him about this, he only told him that a friend nursed him back to health. When they got back together, Slash and Axl had talked everything through, got out all the secrets.” I was so desperate for someone to actually give me some attention. You were loving me the wrong way, it felt more like I was your toy than an equal, I got so wasted that I allowed Duff t-”
Slash's eyes widened and he stopped himself from continuing. Axl was sitting on the couch, looking up at him, urging him to continue,” You allowed Duff to do what?” The singer stood up when Slash looked away from his intense gaze. He never wanted Axl to find out about the night he and Duff never talked about. He felt Axl's warm fingers on his chin and they forced Slash to look up at Axl. The singer had a vulnerable look in his eyes, begging Slash not to say what he dreaded. Axl's thumb ran over his scar, his nail tracing the outline of Slash's full bottom lip.
“Tell me or I’ll go ask him myself and you know what might happen if he tells me.” Slash could tell that Axl meant what he said, he was capable of anything when it came to Slash. But at least if Slash told Axl the truth, he wouldn't do anything rash. Right now, he seemed calm but not totally collected. Slash closed his eyes when Axl's thumb continued to stroke his lip, pressing down hard so when he pulled away it left a small print of his thumb for a few seconds.
Axl felt like Slash had stabbed him over and over, ripped out his heart and cut it up. Axl had made up for hurting Slash, sure they had their fights but it wasn't as bad as it was. They were happy for once. But the thought of Slash cheating on him with someone else made him felt sick, it made Axl want to kill himself.
He had never thought that Slash would make him feel like that.
“I...We...” Slash stuttered.
Axl let out a low warning growl, causing Slash to jump a little,”Did you cheat on me with Duff?” Axl whispered, and Slash let his head drop onto Axl's chest, sobbing lightly, fisting the t-shirt in his dark hands. Axl's hand traveled up Slash's tattooed arm, nails scratching slightly before they tangled in the long dark curls. They massaged his scalp, curling the shiny strands around his fingers. A few minutes later, Slash nodded and mumbled a 'yes.'
”I've been blaming mostly myself for damaging you, draining you, I have worked for your trust and our friends' trust, for our relationship.” Axl let Slash's hair go, letting his hand fall to his side. Now he knew what it felt like to have a broken heart.”You've been hiding this away for almost a year, playing the role of the fucking victim, letting me take all the shit, knowing that it was killing me inside and you never thought to tell me?” Axl took a step back, shoving away Slash's hands when they tightened on his t-shirt to keep him close. Slash's head dropped and he continued to sob, silently chanting Axl's name.
“Axl, please. You don't understand.” Slash begged, reaching out for his hand but Axl stepped aside.
“Your right, I don't. You bitched and whined when I fucked a few people, forced me to stop that. I did, for you. But you still pushed me and pushed me to my limit until I exploded. I could get over it if it was a random fucker but this is someone who is my friend, someone I fucking work with. All this time Duff has been patronizing me for what I did to you but he took you away. Your not mine any more!”
"I am, i've always been yours and i always will be!"Slash gasped for air, dreading the next few minutes.
"No, your not. I can't see that, i can't see you! "
Slash wiped his cheek and watched as Axl paced the room, his own tears running down his face before he sat down again. Sniffing, Slash leaned down in front of Axl, hand coming up to cup his face,”I'm sorry, baby. We can work this out, can't we?” Slash hummed, thumbs rubbing away the tears from Axl's face, looking into his watery eyes. Axl wanted to say yes, but if he did, all he would see is Duff and Slash. He would hate Slash for the rest of his life and Duff too.
“I don't think we can. I've changed for you, I've done everything I can, not knowing that at the start you hurt me first. That when you were insulting me for who I was, that you were something worse. I changed because I knew that you would never hurt me, I never thought that you would be the one to break me. But you have and I don't think that I can go back from that.” Axl finished off, pulling Slash's hands off of his face before he stood up again, wiping the fresh tears away as hard as he could.
Slash's head shook wildly, “No, it can't end like this. I won't let that happen. We've been through worse.” Slash said quickly, looking at Axl then to the door, refusing to let him go toward it. Axl gasped when Slash suddenly grabbed him and tried to bring his mouth toward his own, trying to shove his tongue into Axl's mouth. He allowed it for a few seconds, enjoying the passion behind the kiss, the love and the need that Slash held for him. Axl came back to his senses and pushed Slash off but the guitarist refused to let him go.
“Slash, please, let me go.”
“No, not you. I need you, we're forever. I can't live without you.” He choked trying to pull Axl back into his embrace but the singer dodged and made a clean run for the door. Slash followed and tried to talk him out of it,” I need you to love me.” Axl grabbed his keys and opened the door, looking back to say one last thing to him.
“That's what I needed from you but I don't feel that any more.” He said before he left, shutting the door quietly behind him. Slash stood there, no emotion left on his face, before he collapsed to the ground. He rocked himself back and forth, cursing Duff's life but then started hating his own. He laughed, only a few hours before he had everything and now, in a few short moments, it was ripped from him.
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