If I tried, would you survive?
She looked like an angel. I reached out and ran my fingers down her neck, making her groan a little and roll over to face me. I cupped her cheek, my skin hardly touching hers.
Her beautiful eyes opened and she smiled sweetly at me. "Well good morning." I kissed her softly.
"Morning." She sighed, curling up against me. I held her in my arms for a moment before I remembered Lilly out on the couch.
"I gotta go check on Lilly, Rosey." I kissed her forehead. I climbed out of bed and grabbed some clothes out of my closet and pulled them on.
I headed out into the living room to see Lilly still passed out on the couch with Wolfy as a pillow. A small smile touched my face as she muttered something in her sleep.
Pulling a blanket out of the closet, I draped it over her. She didn't even move. I bit my lip.
"You're actually good with her, you know?" I heard Rose from the hall. I lokked back and saw her leaning against the wall, already dressed and looking perfect as always.
"I guess. But I don't know anything about kids, let alone her." I bit my lip hard, drawing blood.
"I can help you with her." She smiled, pushing off of the wall and coming over to me. "You're bleeding." She touched my lip. "Calm down." I sighed and let it go.
"I wouldn't even know where to start with her, honestly. My life was fairly screwed up growing up. Which is went I'm here, when I think of it." I rubbed my neck.
"I'll help you, Gerard. Promise." She wrapped her arms around me. "I will help."
"So you mean....we'll be like...her parents?" I asked, my cheeks red.
"Sort of." She shrugged. "Unless you want the institute to take over." She said, a dark look in her eyes. "You know what will happen then."
"The same thing that would of we took her in. Except she would have a family feel with us." I bit my cheek.
"Family." She sighed. "I never thought I would have a family. Not since I came here."
I kissed her softly. "Do you want that?" I asked, putting my hands on her hips.
"Is it bad if I say yes?" She asked, her face bright red.
"Of course not." I kissed her forehead.
"Okay." She kissed me softly. "But where do we start?"
"Food in this place." I laughed. "I wonder how this will work when I get back here nearly every night covered in blood." I sighed.
"And she'll need clothes." I nodded at her words. "Gerard, I was wondering if you would...." She paused.
"Hm?" I looked down at her. She looked up with nervous green eyes.
"I was wondering if you would train me?" She asked softly.
"I......are you serious?" She nodded. "You know what all that implies, right?" I looked in her eyes, searching for some form of doubt.
"I believe so." She nodded. "Strength conditioning. Weapon training." She bit her lip. "But how do you get the abilty to heal?"
"Then you don't fully understand it." I sighed. "There's a reason there's not a lot of actual full time feild workers like me anymore, Rose."
"Why?" she prompted me. I looked over at the still sleeping Lilly and lulled Rose to the other side of the couch.
"The tax for our healing ability is a bit.... Well, it's hard to explain. They say they take a bit of your soul, but I'm sure they really take a part of your mind. And we all go insane eventually. I can't tell you how close I've felt at times." her hand rested on my shoulder.
"I can handle it." I looked her in her eyes.
"I said that too." I said, my voice full of worry. "Don't ever tell anyone about this, okay?" she nodded with every life I take, I feel like I'm just slipping even further. And I've lost count of how many lives I've taken. How much blood has been on my hands..." I saw it all now, the faces of the monsters I've taken down all shuffling through my mind, blurred together from all the years. A mission every night for the last eight years.
"Gerard, look at me." She took my face in her hands. "I won't let you lose yourself."
"It's already started." I said, tears of fear stinging my eyes. My voice shook slightly. "The worst part is, that when I finally snap, one of two things will happen. Either I'll be locked up in the mental health wing with the others or...." I swallowed bile. "Or I'll end up killing everyone I come close to and then myself."
"No you won't." She pulled me against her, putting my head against her neck.
"I will. I've seen it happen so many times before. Usually on a job. When we snap, all fear is lost. All emotion toward any other living being is lost. All they see is the kill. And they take it. Again and again. It's s-s-so bad." My lip was shaking. "Theonly reason I'm alive now is because of how fast I can heal and how well I'd been trained."
"Gerard...." Rose put her hand on my head.
"Picture a rabid wolf hunting down a herd of sheep. How wild it acts as it rips the sheep to bits and bathes in the blood. How it doesn't stop until they're all dead. Now picture the wolf turning around and ripping itself in half by biting through it's torso below the ribs." I felt her shaking. "That's tame compared to a snapped full time worker." I sighed.
"I.... How did you.....stay alive?" She asked, gasping slightly.
"Sometimes the sheep will fight back." I pulled back and looked in her eyes. "I'll train you, but if I try, will you survive?" She flinched.
"I'll try." She said uneasily. "Who do I talk to about my soul?"
"No!" I shouted, not thinking. Lilly groaned on the couch and sat up.
"Gee?" She rubbed her eyes and looked for me. "What wrong?" She asked sleepily.
"Notthing's wrong sweetie." I smiled. "Me and Rosey were just talking about grown up stuff." I put my hand on her head. "go back to sleep kiddo."
She nodded and put her head back down. After a second, she was snoring softly. I looked back at Rose, who was watching with sad eyes.
"Gerard, I'm serious." She whispered. "You know if you don't tell me, I'll ask someone else." She hissed softly.
"Okay!" I gave in, a bit too loudly. I looked over and checked Lilly. She was still asleep. "Okay. But only after we train for two months."
"One." She said with a smile.
"Two, or not at all." I said pointedly. She sighed.
"Two. But you need to get food in here. And I need to get down to the hospital wing." She said, standing up.
"I know. But what do we do with Lilly?" I looked at her.
"I'll take her down to the hospital with me. I'm sure she could bring a smile to a few of the long term stayers." I smiled with her.
"Okay. I'll try to find some clothes for her if you can tell me her size...." I looked at Lilly awkwardly.
"No problem." She laughed and lifted up the back of Lilly's collar. "This says she's a size medium. But I'd get a couple things in small. This seems a little big on her. And grab her a brush, some little kid shampoo and conditioner, and.....maybe I should make a list?" She said at my blank look.
"Please?" She smiled. I found the grocery notepad I hadn't seen in weeks and handed it to her with a pen from the counter.
She wrote out a pretty short, simple list and ripped it off. "Don't forget. You have a little girl living here now too. Get some food little kids would like. And as for you...." She stood up and kissed me deeply for a second. "Get food in general. You need to eat."
"I know." I smiled. "And now I have you here to force me." I laughed.
"You bet." She laughed and kissed me again. "We should wake her up and I really should go."
"Bleh. I don't wanna let you go yet." I held her tighter.
"You have to." She bit my healed lip. "I'll be back later. And I'm sure you'll come get me and Lilly after your mission tonight." Sje said with a smile.
"Always." I kissed her quickly. I let her go with a sigh and she woke up Lilly.
I got dressed as she got Lilly to function. As I got back out to the living room, Lilly was drinking a huge glass of water.
"She's easy to wake up at least." Rose smiled at me. I grinned back and walked over to where Lilly stood.
She handed me the empty glass which I sat down on the counter. I squatted in front of her. "Lilly, you can call me and Rose mommy and daddy if you want. And you're going to go with Rose down to work while I go and get some things at the store, okay?" She nodded.
"Now, one more question." I said in a serious voice. "Do you like dresses or do you like pants?"
"Dresses!" She laughed at me.
I might get another chapter up, but idk if I have school tomorrow or not.
So R+R and all that.
Hugs and Tin,