my first fic, slaxl (slash/axl) hope you like it!
The lights fall, the silence surrounds my house, my room, my bed, things that i can't call mines anymore, ours, they're ours, mine is changed to our, stipulated for a contract of love, a fake love, it's not even love, it's a need of lust, a need of having someone to hold, to kiss, to grip even when it doesn't mean anything, all of this just because of the fear of solitude, fear of loneliness.
My, our room covered by silence, is suddenly disrupted, disrupted by groans and screams, screams who should be of "i love you" but instead they're of "don't leave me".
I see the woman below me, white skin, not the one i wanna touch or see, it's not the pale miracle i remember in the back of my mind, a memory that hurts in my heart and makes me want to scream and run away to never see anyone again, it makes me want to scrape my skin and cry out loud just too see that face again and beg that beautiful and perfect being to forgive me, to make a promise of never leave again, a true promise, not like the one in that contract, a fake promise of love.
I see her red hair spilling on the pillow, on her shoulders and neck, i would want to clench her throat and scream to her that i want to stop this, stop this lie, because it's not the same and it will never be the same again because of the need, the need i feel for him, the need and love of caressing that soft skin, look throught those deep green eyes, where i could see his soul and the whole universe in them, to touch those long threads of red hair, the need of just seeing that smile again, of hearing those three words out of his lips, i needed him, nobody else.
My family and wife could make the loneliness go away, but only the presence of him could make me happy, only he could make me feel complete.
I have a beautiful wife, with a great body, round big breasts, funny personality, but why i can't be happy? I sure do love my kids, but what i feel for her is something so empty that it makes me sick to think about what i'm doing to her, to myself, to my life.
From the first time i saw him i realized that he would be very important to me, something i could feel deep inside me, but i never imagined i would fall in love with him, he is a man, i've never felt that way for anyone, call me crazy but that's how it is, i could say it all the time i could scream it to the world because it's true, i love him, i still do, he might not love me anymore, but i really hope he still does just like me.
I remember those happy times with him, whenever i think about them i smile without realizing it and they ask me why i'm smiling suddenly, she knows why, but she doesn't want to be the one to admit it.
Like the time i realized we were made for eachother, the first time i heard him sing, it was just, perfect, unique, the sound of my guitar and the sound of his voice had an unbreakable bond, a "match made in heaven" you would say.
The memories of us just holding eachother or his soft lips kissing mines makes the need of having him with me even bigger, sometimes becoming insupportable, there are times where i just look at old pictured of us, we had to hide our love away of everyone, but the way he looked at me in them was enough to remember the way he loved me before, i can still believe that somewhere in his heart, that love is still alive and trying to get out.
But for some stupid reasons we failed it, we broke up and i walked away, both of us heartbroken with a deep sadness in ourselves, we never talked again, i think he hates me, or maybe he still feels the same pain of that night when i left. I could have stopped and run back to him and hug him whispering that everything would be okay, but i was too pride and i was blind, i regret everything i did, i would never want to hurt him and i'm sure he didn't want to either.
Maybe, just maybe it's not too late.