Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Killjoys

killjoys9. The black dog

by NotKissingYouGoodBye 2 Reviews

Ghoul has to battle a fight on the inside. Please leave a review or rating

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Drama - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2013/03/01 - Updated: 2013/03/04 - 1726 words

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Fun Ghouls pov.

I feel like I’m sitting in a movie theater just watching the world around me on the screen. Scratch that, I’m not sitting, I’m strapped down and held against my will. I’m so confused as to what’s going on. I know I should be talking and moving but my body just refuses, I’m trapped in a shell. My body hurts and I’m scared, what freaks me out the most is that I’m scared of Party.

The gorgeous sassy redhead that’s meant to be my best friend. He turned on me like a werewolf under a full moon. He became a heartless and harsh man that takes joy in others pain and heartbreak. It sends chills down my bruise spine. His words still spin in my head, that’s all I’ve been thinking about, like a broken record stuck on repeat just replaying the event over and over in my head up on the big screen. and I can’t turn away instead I watch and torture myself.

“You know nothing! This is your fucking fault! All of it! You’re the one to blame!”

The way he just spat those words out so carelessly and with no regret from his chapped lips hurts my chest and makes it harder to breath. The sad thing is that I agree with Party, I agree with everything...

“It’s your fault! You’re the difficult one, the pain in everyone’s ass. You’re too fucking short to carry a heavily bag! Clumsy as shit! You’re the one that found that bitch Adrenaline Angel, it’s your fault that we now have next to nothing! You’re so fucking stupid that you mess up your hands by carrying that motherfucking tree. You won’t just fucking eat like a normal person, No! Not Ghoul he’s got to be the stupid mother fucker that will waste away and make us carry him when he’s too fucking weak to even stand up by himself! You’re slowing us down and putting our lives at risk! You’re a waste of water, a waste of food, a waste of space, a waste of air! You’re nothing but a fucking stupid waste. You should just fuck off and die in a fucking hole or something!!! We would all be so much better off without you! We don’t need you or even want you!”

I wish he just killed me rather than letting me live like this, with the knowledge that he hates me. The way he smirked when he spoke would have the devil running for his money.

“I hate you. You are the cause to everyone’s grief, you fucked up worthless piece of useless shit. You fucked everything up.”

I’ve not slept since waking up earlier today. As I lay silent next to the softly crackling flames pretending to sleep I hear Kobra sniffling, the sound breaks my heart, I want to move to comfort him and tell him that he doesn’t need to cry but I couldn’t move. All the energy is extracted and drained. The black dog has sunk his teeth into my flesh and is dragging me back down into the seemingly never ending suffocating darkness of depression. I’ve been to this place before, long ago in the years behind me. The shadow dog clamps its jaws into my fragile bones and refuses to let go until you fight back hard enough or end it all. The poison from its saliva turns my mind against me and won’t let me smile or feel joy, my body begins to feel and seem foreign. My skin feels too tight and nothing feels ok. I’m numb. I wanna scream but have no voice. I wanna run but my legs are broken.

I space in and out of sleep but never fully slumber. I effetely roll onto my back and stare up at the stares for a moment not really thinking of anything but just trying to feel like myself. The fire cracks next to me and I notice just how close I am to it. I wanna feel something. Am I even alive? In a dazed like state I raise my hand, which felt like lead moments before but now feels light as a feather. I slowly move it closer to the flames wanting to feel the warmth embrace my fingers. The orange glow shines on my damaged skin. Cuts and splinters from the tree very evident and makes me cringe as I flash back to Party’s cruel words that scream in my ear.

“You’re so fucking stupid that you mess up your hands by carrying that motherfucking tree.”

I squeeze my eyes shut as I try to distract myself by inching my hand closer to the fire, every now and again the flames lick at my fingers causing a heated sensation to tingle up my arm. I stare at the golden glow as my hand starts to burn. It takes a moment for my reflexes to react and I pull back my hand fast. I hiss quietly at the pain, slightly relieved to be feeling something.

I sit up and look around to make sure I hadn’t woken up any of the others. Jet was dead to the world not too far away from my feet. Kobra was curled up into a ball on his side not too far away from me and on the other side of him is his redheaded brother, Party. They all look so calm and save. The only movement is Party’s little shivers against the cool air. They all stay sound asleep as I staggered to my feet holding my hand out so to not touch anything with it and inspect the damage in the dull light, it’s not too bad, it was just the heat that made if feel like my hand melted to the bone but it also freed me from my torture movie theater.

I carefully make my way around Kobra to Party and pull the blanket that and fallen off his body up to his shoulders and gently brush away a few strands I vibrant red hair out of his face. Party stops shaking and stirs in his sleep a little but doesn’t wake up. I look around our little campsite and assess the situation we’re in. Tools and bags are thrown all over the place, if we had to make a quick escape we would have to abandon half the stuff because there was no way we could pack everything up fast enough.

I sway over to a tipped over bag and pick up a nearly empty bottle of water, I take a mouth full, than screw on the cap and drop the bottle. Party’s words still whisper in my ears and I just wanna make it stop! I cover my ears with both my damaged hands and shake my head violently, screaming on the inside for the sound to leave me in peace. I stagger a little away from the others in case I fall over the top of them. I spin and shake my head trying to shut up the taunting voice. I topple over my own feet and slam into the sand with a solid ‘thud’ a few meters away from the light of the fire and my friends.

I kneel on my bruised knees, unable to decide if I wanna hold my head or ribs, my body is alive with acidy pain. Party’s voice continues,

“You’re clumsy as shit!”

“no” I whisper brokenly. I struggle to breathe as I wobble on my hands and knees.

“You know nothing!

“please…stop” I quietly sob, trembling terribly from the emotional grief as the black dog tears my flesh straight off my bones.

This is your fucking fault! All of it! You’re the one to blame!”

“I know…I..I’m sorry.” I struggle to stay silent, making the lump in my throat hurt even more as Party’s voice reduces me to a sobbing mess.

“you’re worthless.”

Warm tears trickle across my redden cheeks and dribble off my chin and down my neck.

You’re the difficult one

“I won’t be, not anymore.” I weep, shaking my head as I begin my attempt to kick off this black shadow of a dog.

You’re too fucking short to carry a heavily bag!

“I’ll carry more bags, I can… I can do that.” I defend myself.

You won’t just fucking eat like a normal person, No! Not Ghoul he’s got to be the stupid mother fucker that will waste away and make us carry him when he’s too fucking weak to even stand up by himself!

“I’ll, I’ll go hunting and…and I’ll eat the meat…I’ll do it. I well!” my voice grows stronger as I shake the dog off but it still lingers nearby circling me, waiting, watching, stalking it’s pray until it’s too weak to shake it off again, I’ll wait till it’s poison takes full effect.

“You’re slowing us down.”

“NO! not anymore.” I state sternly, I know it’s all only a show. I still feel pathetic, weak and worthless. But I’m gonna try. I’ll earn Party’s praise. I’ll prove myself to everyone!

“I hate you. You are the cause to everyone’s grief, you fucked up worthless piece of useless shit. You fucked everything up.”

I breathe in deep and kneel on my knees, I look up at the stares as the last of my tears for now slide down my skin.

“I’ll make you not hate me. I’ll do better. I won’t fuck up any more…” I whisper to no one with a raspy voice. I take deep breaths and calm myself down. My hands still shake but I now know what I’m meant to do. I stand up and look determinedly back over at the campsite. As I set to work I feel the dirty yellow eyes of the black dog watching me…waiting for me to fall while I pick myself up.
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