The next few days went by in a blur. I barely remember picking up the phone and calling Mikey to tell him what happened. I vaguely remember him crying for a long time, before hanging up. After him, I called Gerard’s parents, and then my mom. Everyone reacted the same way. Not very surprising. Gerard was such an amazing person, and he was suddenly gone.
I still wasn’t used to him being gone. The first night back home, I still fixed two plates for dinner. It wasn’t until I sat down to eat that I realized that Gerard wasn’t going to show up. I ended up throwing the food away and falling asleep on the couch, crying.
My phone had been ringing non-stop, but I really didn’t want to talk to anyone. So every time someone called, I let it go to voicemail. All the messages were the same. Everyone just wanted to make sure I was okay.
Even here, at the funeral home, with Gerard’s service getting ready to start everyone wanted to talk to me and make sure I was okay. All I wanted was to be alone with Gerard. I wanted him to still be alive and with me. I wasn’t sure if I could do this without him.
There was a hand on my shoulder. I didn’t even bother turning around. I had a good feeling of who it was. Sure enough, it was Mikey’s voice that I heard. “I really wish you would say something. You haven’t said a word the whole time we’ve been here.”
I grabbed the edge of Gerard’s casket, looking down at his peaceful face. Tears were falling gently down my cheeks, even after I thought I couldn’t possibly cry anymore.
“You’re not the only one who lost someone when Gerard died.” Mikey sighed. I could hear the sadness in his voice. “He was my brother. He’s been with me my whole life, and now he’s gone. Don’t you think that I’m not hurting too?”
I turned around to face him. His eyes were full of sadness, and his face was stained from tears. It made me feel terrible. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around him tightly. We melted into each other just like we used to, back when everything was normal.
For just a second everything right again. It was just me and Mikey forever and always. But then everything came crashing back to me. It wasn’t me and Mikey anymore, and it never would be again. Gerard was the only one I wanted. Being with Mikey just wouldn’t be the same anymore.
“Oh, Mikey. I’m so sorry.” I don’t really know what I was apologizing for. I guess I was just so used to saying sorry that it was my natural response.
Mikey half-smiled at me. “Don’t be sorry. You’re just upset, I get it.” He hugged me tightly for a second before leaving me alone at Gerard’s casket. I stood there, watching him walk away.
For a split second I thought he was walking to get a seat, until he took a turn and ran into some guy that I’d never seen before. Maybe they were just friends or something. Mikey needed a friend right now.
I just smiled, watching them hug. Then all of a sudden they kissed. My heart stopped beating. It wasn’t like I wanted to get back with Mikey, but it looked like he had already moved on. He’d found someone else. And he never said anything to me. It made me wonder how long they had been together, how long Mikey had been hiding this.
Or if he had been hiding it at all. Maybe he’d said something once, but I hadn’t been paying attention.
Somehow, I managed to pull my eyes away from them and look around the rest of the room. My mom was sitting down in one of the chairs, talking to Gerard’s parents. God, she looked so old. Her hair was almost completely gray now. I wasn’t sure if it was from age, or from all the worrying about me she always did.
Besides the fact that we were all at a funeral, the majority of people here looked happy. I mean, of course they were sad. By happy, I mean their lives are fine, their lives are normal. They don’t have to worry about crazy exes trying to murder them, or take them hostage.
It must be nice. I would give anything for a life like that. Well, almost anything. I would never change my decision about being with Gerard. Gerard was the best thing that ever happened to me. Even after everything, I would still choose Gerard.
The funeral home director walked up to me, breaking me out of my thoughts. “We’re getting ready to start the service.” I knew what he meant. I should sit down with everyone else. With one final glance at Gerard, I went to sit down beside my mom.
As I was sitting down, some movement in the farthest corner of the room caught my eye. It looked like the shape of a person, but I couldn’t be sure. It was dark over there. Just as I was about to look away, the figure moved again. He came into the light just enough for me to see his face.
I should have known that Bert would be here. He was out of jail on bond until his court date where he would be sentenced to prison. Of course he wouldn’t miss Gerard’s funeral. Even if he was the reason Gerard was lying in that casket.
His eyes met mine, and the only emotion on his face was guilt. Without another word he disappeared.
My mom grabbed my knee, refocusing my attention. “What?”
I shook my head, “Nothing.” It was better if she didn’t know. Besides, if she, or anyone else for that matter, knew that Bert was here, there would be a riot. I would let Bert have this. Only because I know how much he cared about Gerard. After today I would be more than happy to never see or hear from him again.
And if I ever did see him again, hopefully it would be on the news. With word of his execution.