- You write:
biggest and best meal he had every had with the Dursley's.
You mean ever and Dursleys. (You make the second mistake in several places in this chapter.)
Again, I'm only doing this because I like the story and want to help you to improve it.
- I had not realized that you intended this to be the story's final chapter until I looked at the story's summary to see if a new chapter had come in today, and I saw that you had it marked as "completed". Wow, what a surprise.
It is a minor resolution, and it's certainly your prerogative as an author to end it where you think best. One of the issues it leaves open for me is what the Weasleys will do with their idle capital now. I have a difficult time imagining George and Fred letting Death Eaters initimate them away from opening a similar Muggle shop. Yet the fact that your narrator writes "Fred and George wanted to
stay well clear of the muggle world." implies that this is what happened.
Another loose end is why Harry didn't cash the Muggle check for them, given that he's an investor.
I've used my rating points to positively rate several chapters of this story -- I think I gave you an "ambiance", an "original", a "funny", and an "exciting", all from me. However, because of these issues, I'm going to have to add a negative rating as well for this chapter; I'll use "OOC".
Author's responseI'm glad you liked the story. Sorry there isn't more but I ran low on ideas and started getting busy with other things. I's leave the major resolutions to the incomparable J. K. Rowling.
As far as Fred and George are concerned, I agree that a few Death Eaters wouldn't scare them but a triple threat of Death Eaters, muggle gangsters and a muggle insurance company were just too much.
I'll correct some of the typos you pointed out.
- This was a great story, however, it seems to lack a conclusion. It would help if you put an epilouge or something to tie up a few loose threads at the end. As it stands, it seems like you forgot to post a final chapter/conclusion/epilouge.
Author's responseI dont't see any loose ends after chapter 9. Harry heads off to the Burrow or Godric's Hollow or wherever JKR decides to send him. Dudley goes to work at Grunnings. Fred and George go back to running their Diagon Alley store. Big Jim's gang was memory charmed.
(#) LoveDoesntWantMe 2011-10-10 03:53:31 AMI enjoyed this story!
It was well written and very amusing. (: I think you had a nice conclusion seeing as how you showed what happened with each character at the ending.
The combination of what happened makes it realistic for fred and george to be done with the muggle world lol.
Anyway, I loved it! =) Rockin' story!