Categories > Original > Poetry

Green Eggs, Ham, and Homicide

by CarcinoGeneticist 10 Reviews

The poetry section seemed far too serious for me.

Category: Poetry - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor,Parody - Characters:  - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2013/03/30 - Updated: 2013/03/30 - 720 words - Complete

Happy Easter, everybody! I wrote this poem months ago, and I found it today. Everybody else's poetry seems to be about their problems, which is great, y'know, at least they're getting it out, right? But it's just so serious. So I decided to jump in and ruin everything.

____________________________

I am Liz.
Author Liz.

That Author Liz.
That Author Liz.
I do not like that Author Liz.

Do you kill your heroes, miss?

I do not kill my heroes, miss.
I do not kill them, Author Liz.

Would you kill them, tall or small?

I would not kill them tall or small.
I would not kill them. Not at all.
I do not kill my heroes, miss.
I do not kill them, Author Liz.

Would you kill them, girl or boy?
Would you, could you, with a ploy?

I would not kill them, girl or boy.
I would not, could not, with a ploy.
I will not kill them, tall or small.
I will not kill them. Not at all.
I do not kill my heroes, miss.
I do not kill them, Author Liz.

Say, with a gun? Do it! Do it! It will be fun!

I would not, could not, with a gun!
I will not do it! It won't be fun!
I will not kill them, girl or boy.
I will not kill them with a ploy.
I will not kill them, tall or small.
I will not kill them, not at all!
I do not kill my heroes, miss.
I will not kill them, Author Liz.

Would you, could you, with a jab?
Would you, could you, with a stab?

I would not, could not, with a stab!
Author Liz, that would be bad!
I will not kill them with a gun.
I just won't do it. It won't be fun.
I will not kill them, girl or boy.
I will not kill them with a ploy.
I will not kill them, tall or small.
I will not kill them. Not at all.
I do not kill my heroes, miss.
I do not kill them, Author Liz.

Would you kill them with a drug?
Would you, could you, with a shrug?

Not with a drug, nor with a shrug,
Not with a jab, nor with a stab!
I will not shoot them with a gun.
I just won't do it. It won't be fun.
I will not kill them, girl or boy.
I will not kill them with a ploy.
I will not kill them, tall or small.
I will not kill them. Not at all.
I do not kill my heroes, miss.
I do not kill them, Author Liz.

Their homicide is not taboo.
You may choke them 'til they're blue!

I will not choke them 'til they're blue!
Author Liz, this just won't do!
I do not kill them with a drug, nor with a shrug,
nor with a jab or with a stab!
I will not shoot them with a gun.
I just won't do it. It won't be fun.
I will not kill them, girl or boy.
I will not kill them with a ploy.
I will not kill them, tall or small.
I will not kill them. Not at all.
I do not kill my heroes, miss.
I do not kill them, Author Liz.

So...you do not...kill your heroes, miss?

NO. I DO NOT KILL THEM. AUTHOR LIZ.

Okay, okay okay. It's fine.
Just try it. Try it. And you may find,
That you like it.
Just this one time.

Liz, if you will let me be.
I will try it.
You will see.

...
...
...SAY!
I like to kill my heroes, miss!
I like to kill them, author Liz!
I can choke them 'til they're blue!
I will do it! I just have to!
And I will kill them with a drug!
And I will kill them with a shrug!
I will kill them with a jab!
And I will kill them with a stab!
Author Liz, this ain't so bad!
And I will kill them with a gun!
Oh, joy! Oh, joy! Oh, joy! What fun!
I can kill them, girl or boy!
And I can kill them with a ploy!
I will kill them, tall or small!
I will kill them! Kill them all!

_____________________________

We all have those days.
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