Categories > Original > Drama2 Reviews
Escaping from something as addicting as self destruction is never easy, but if I can, you can too. (Oneshot)
You don't know what it's like, to wake up in the middle of the night, scaring the thought of kissing razors, do you? I do, I've done it before, given into the temptation, the lust and greed, to cut, to burn, and to eat away at my own soul. I broke promises, to quit, I say I'm going to stop. But, it's never easy to. Well, I did it. I did give up. Let me tell you exactly what happened, let me take you back to that day I self-harmed, and made the promise to stop.
It was morning, the morning of the twenty-third of March, two-thousand-and-thirteen. I had just woken up, and turned on my laptop and my music, putting on the first song on my playlist, I believe it was a song by Sleeping With Sirens, a band I had grown quite an addiction to over these past few weeks. Anyway, after my laptop had loaded and I was onto the Twitter Login Page, I input my Twitter name and password, and drummed my fingers lightly on the keys of the laptop, waiting for the laptop to load. Then, I heard the shocking news: My Chemical Romance, the band I loved and adored for near to eight months, the band who made me show creativity, and opened my eyes to the world around me, had broken up. That, was the moment I completely broke apart, my life had crumbled around me. I put on Helena, and re-heard the voice of my hero, Gerard Way, before sobbing. As I cried, feeling the tears roll down my cheeks, and voice break out in choked, muffled sobs, my mind sprawled through every last image I had of them, from videos, pictures, and I heard the lyrics of different songs. I felt numb, and then I got that urge, that urge I had placed and kept at the back of my mind for a while now. The urge to kill myself.
I gave into the urge, I was too numb to fight. I posted my last note to everyone on FicWad, before rising from my bed, and taking slow steps toward my bedroom door. My hand shook as I took the doorknob, twisting it and pulling open the door. I poked my head out the door, checking for anyone who might ruin my plans. No one was in sight, so I made my way, slow and quiet, down the stairs. Once on the bottom level of the home, I walked swiftly to the kitchen, going to the cutlery dryer, and wrapping my hands around the handle of the sharp, metallic object of a kitchen knife, before retreating back to my room. I closed the door behind me, and sat on my bed. I read how to cut, just push in hard enough to draw some blood. I did that, yet no blood came into view. I then clenched the blade in my palm, looking as the teeth of the blade made small dents in my palm. I inflicted pain on myself, small, minimal hurting pain, before putting the knife back in it's original place and remaining in my state in my bedroom, my sanctuary. I looked back at my FicWad reviews, to see people had seen and taken my note to heart. Some gave me their emails, some gave me inspiring quotes to make me feel better. I took them in. I logged onto gmail, and saw Ash's email to me, waiting in my inbox. I read the email, and then the thought came to me.
I thought back through all of my friends, both internet and real-life. Becca, Sam, Ash, Ellie, AJ, Ryan, everyone I talked to, night and day on FicWad, and my friend at school, Ellie. I realised, if I did die, I'd be leaving behind the most awesomest people in the world. Then, I remembered all the other bands I listened to. Black Veil Brides, Sleeping With Sirens, Pierce The Veil, I'd never get to see them live if I'd died. I took in a deep breath, realising these thoughts, and made myself that same exact promise I did in February, when Mia was in hospital. I promised myself I'd beat the obsession, cut the addiction. I made that promise, and put on Pierce The Veil, feeling the voice and all instruments soak into my soul, repairing my broken heart. I then replied to Ash's email, and continued talking to her. I began slowly smiling, realising I had some hope, a small peice of hope, and it made me smile, something I hadn't done in a long time.
It's been 27 days, since that promise was made, and I haven't touched the blade, or even thought about suicide. My music, had become my hope. My friends, I've become closer to. My eyes, have been opened back up to the world. I realise now, it is hard to beat something, when you're tangled in the 'great escape', which could be an addiction to smoking or self-harm and self-destruction of any sort, but it's easy to escape, all you have to have, is that tiny bit of hope, that one thing in life that keeps you going. Self-Destruction, it took me for granted, but I made myself that one promise. I promised, I'd never touch the blade again; I will never be taken for granted again. I made a promise, an oath, and I intend to stick to it, no matter what. I have my hope, and I know it won't leave me.
A/N: All of this is 100% truth. I am 27 days clean, thanks to PTV and SWS, and of course all of you lovely peeps. I added two PTV lyrics, as references, did ya spot them? The title, came from a PTV song, Tangled In The Great Escape. Also, that day I said I self harmed, I actually self harmed that day, and actually had a knife with me, to use. But, I am going to be okay. I have my music, my hope, and I am getting courage, and strength, and I know I can beat the addiction, I can beat the 'Great Escape', I just gotta try.
Rate and Review guys! xoxo Sadie