Categories > TV > Supernatural0 Reviews
Prompt: Dean is dying and Castiel knew he couldn't savehim
“Just let me go,” Dean had said after the 162nd attempt they had tried. Tears filled his eyes as he spoke this simple sentence to Cas in confidence. Behind those tears was fear and peace. The right side of his body was unresponsive to his commands at this point, and the left was wracked with tremors that never ceased, even in his sleep.
Cas didn’t want to give up on him, everyone in Bobby’s house knew it, but Dean’s request to just let him go made Cas put Dean’s wants before his own. Cas never left his side throughout the ordeal of the months, seeing Bobby and Sam, Ellen and Jo and Ash, Garth, Rufus, Pastor Jim, and other people from Dean’s life come and go seeing him before his end.
“C-Cas…” Dean said weakly one afternoon, two or three months after his request. “Take care of everyone for me. Make Sammy go back to school.” Cas nodded and gripped his hand as his body started to seize. Cas rolled him to his side and waited it out like every other time. Minutes dragged on like they were hours, and when the fifteen minute marker hit and Dean was still convulsing, Cas pulled the red string. The red string was attached to a bell downstairs that signaled Dean’s condition was getting critical. Sam and Bobby were upstairs merely minutes later. At that point, Dean had finished seizing and was in the aftershocks of trembling.
“I think it’s time, Sam,” Bobby said to the youngest Winchester. Sam looked broken as he looked at his brother – weak and vulnerable – and started to cry, nodding in agreement. Bobby patted his shoulder and walked downstairs to make a call to the local hospital.
“You’ll stay with him?” Sam asked Cas, wiping away the tears that had started to fall.
“Yes, Sam. You will stay until after the funeral, correct?” Cas sat down in the chair next to Dean’s bed, holding his hand.
“Yeah, I’ll sign his medical guardianship over to you, say my goodbyes, and help with the funeral preparations, but I’m leaving after.” Cas nodded as the ambulance sirens neared the junk-yard.
“He wants you to go back to school instead of hunting, you know. I think it would be wise since without him you’d be on your own against the monsters.” Sam glanced at his brother then back to Cas.
“Cas, I don’t think I can mentally. It’s been 4 years since I ditched Stanford.”
“Sammy, go back,” Dean whispered weakly. Sam nodded as several different people came up the stairs with a gurney to take Dean to the hospital.
“I’ll see you at the hospital, Dean-o,” he said before walking out of the room.
Sam had only been to the hospital once since Dean had been admitted, which was to sign Dean over to Cas. Dean kept weakly asking for Sam each time someone came to visit. Each time, they would tell him sadly that Sam wasn’t with them.
Dean had been in the hospital a little over six months with no good progress. The doctors had eventually figured out why he had gotten so sick, a brain tumor. Cas realized that the magic didn’t work because it was a natural progression and nothing supernatural.
“S-So you c-can’t c-cure m-me?” Dean slurred.
Over the past six months Dean’s body had been deteriorating slowly. He could barely talk, had no control over basic bodily functions, couldn’t move the right side of his body or his left leg, and still had tremors in his left arm. He had to be fed through a feeding tube because he wasn’t able to chew properly, had a catheter to empty his bladder, had a fecal bag to empty his bowels, and was hooked to an IV 24/7 to keep him hydrated.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Winchester, but the tumor is in the later stages of growth. Even if we had clearance to operate, the location of the tumor is in an inoperable location. The risk to remove it would be greater than the chance of getting better.” Dean blinked a couple times with no other response.
“How long does the idjit have?” Bobby asked.
“At this point, his kidneys are already in late stages of failure, the bowels are deteriorating, muscle mass is down 75% from when he came in – and even then his muscle mass was on the extremely low side – and his weight is 83 pounds. I’d give him maybe a month before brain deterioration along with pressure from the tumor causes brain activity to be unlivable. Even that month is pushing it.”
“Is it possible to have him moved back home?” Cas asked. Dean was no longer in the conversation. It had started to become difficult for him to follow the path of regular conversation, let alone medical.
“Hospice is an option, yes. I’ll get the papers ready, but if you’re choosing Hospice, then I suggest calling family and friends to say their goodbyes while there’s still time.” With that, the doctor left the room with the squeaking of her sneakers.
“You stay with him, Bobby. I need to run an errand,” Cas said, flying out of the room in a ruffle of feathers.
He showed up at Sam’s dorm room. He was sitting at a desk over a stack of books and was writing in a spiral notebook.
“Sam,” Cas said just loud enough to be heard. Sam turned to face him with a startled expression.
“Cas! You scared the shit out of me! What do you need, I’m kind of in the middle of studying.” Sam let out a sigh as he repositioned the chair to face Cas.
“Dean doesn’t have long left, Sam. He asks for you every day. You need to come and see him before it is too late and you no longer have the chance.”
“I can’t, Cas. Finals are coming up next week and I can’t miss them. They’re everything when you’re a law student.”
“Sam, your brother is dying and all you care about is finals? All he wants is to see his baby brother for a little while before he dies! You haven’t been there when he’s crying from the amount of pain he’s in! You aren’t there when he can’t separate the hallucinations from reality! You haven’t had to watch him waste away or the convulsions that last close to an hour without stopping!” Sam stood up and got up in Cas’ face, nearly pressing the angel against the wall.
“How dare you criticize me, Castiel!” he hissed out. “How dare you! Dean is my brother and I would give anything for him, but I can’t leave, not now! I’m so close, Cas!”
“How dare you put your school work before your family! Dean wants to see you before he dies, Sam! Why can’t you just take the time to fulfill that final wish he has?” Sam started to back away and cry as the anger subsided.
“He’s always been my big brother. I can’t just watch him waste away into nothing, Cas. I just can’t.”
“Come for a couple days, Sam. See him for a little while so that he can remember you easier.” Sam nodded and grabbed Cas’ arm so they could go to Dean.
“Smmy,” Dean slurred when Cas and Sam shows up.
“Hey, Dean-o,” Sam said back, sitting in the chair next to Dean.
“Let’s go and give the two idjits some privacy,” Bobby suggested, grabbing Cas’ elbow and hauling him out to the waiting room.
“We need to start calling people,” Cas said out of the blue.
“I’ll get started on that. You go and find every last person those two boys have saved and tell them the man that made sure they survived is dying. Get their contact information and give them my address in case they want to see him before the funeral.” Cas nodded and flew out to start on that lengthy mission.
It was a week later when Cas finally made it back to Bobby’s house. Dean and his hospital equipment took up the study, and Sam had decided to stay with his brother until the end. Dean’s nurse Ronda – a nice traditional, black lady – had called the Dean of Students at Stanford to explain Dean’s situation and how Sam didn’t have much time left with him. After much talking, he had decided that due to the situation at hand, Sam was allowed to take his finals via email.
In the week Cas had been gone, Dean’s condition had started to turn even worse. The seizures happened more often and for a longer amount of time, he was on dialysis to try to prolong his already short life, and he now had to wear an oxygen mask most of the time. Cas new his end was coming soon, so he never left Dean’s side.
“Cas,” Dean croaked one morning around two. He pulled the oxygen mask off with his barely functioning left hand.
“I am here, Dean,” Cas said, gripping the man’s hand in his own. Dean seemed to be struggling to breathe without the mask, but Cas allowed him to do what he wanted to.
“I know I don’t have long, Cas. This is the first time I’ve actually been able to comprehend my thoughts and put them into words for a while now, and before you say anything, let me talk. You’ve become my family, Cas. You’ve been there for me through everything, and I wish I had more time to get to know you. You’re more than my family though. Over the months – both healthy and dying – I’ve started loving you. Cas, I wish I could live long enough to show you that.” Dean put the oxygen mask back on, trying to catch his breath. Cas was glad that Dean was able to say what he did without problems.
“I love you too, Dean.” The man’s eyes fluttered shut as he fell asleep. Cas soon followed suit and slept restfully for the first night in a long time.
Cas woke later that morning to the sounds of Ronda undoing machines and throwing things away. She looked very sullen, but Cas didn’t understand why she was taking away the things that were keeping Dean alive. Sam and Bobby could be heard in the kitchen discussing how they were going to prepare for Dean’s funeral.
“What are you doing?” Cas asked her, his head crooked to the side like a kitten’s.
“Sweety,” she said softly, sorrow in her voice and eyes. Cas looked down at Dean. He had no rise or fall in his chest and his skin was pale with a hint of blue. Cas allowed himself to cry and feel sorrow for the first time as he gripped Dean’s hand. She patted his back before continuing to remove what she needed to.
Sam and Bobby came in shortly after Ronda left to prepare Dean. They pulled Cas away with much difficulty, seeing that he didn’t want to leave the man he loved. He felt empty and hallow inside as he sat in the Impala, waiting for Sam or Bobby to come and get him.
People had been coming for a couple weeks because nobody knew when Dean was going to die. Ellen, Jo, and Ash had come before anyone else towards the end to make amends with the man. Ellen no longer held a grudge against the Winchesters because of Dean. Cas saw their car pull up first, followed by dozens more that held hunters, victims, friends, and flings.
“I hate how they all wear black,” Dean said from beside him. Fresh Grace filled the car.
“Dean?” Cas said, obviously startled by the fact that Dean was in the car with him when he was dead. He was covered in a bright, white light.
“Hello, Cas!” He smiled his unique smile with a giggle. “I see you’re glad to see me.”
“You’re an angel?” he asked, startled even further when he realized the Grace filling the car wasn’t just his own.
“Yup. One who doesn’t need a vessel like you. God’s gift to me because of what I did for him, but it has its downfalls.”
“What downfalls are those?” Cas asked, turning his body towards Dean. He was the first angel Cas had seen who didn’t need a vessel and who was born human.
“I can’t see the people I knew in life, except for you. Also, I’m not allowed to hunt anymore. Well, at least for the next 150 years. I’m also banned from Heaven for the next 200.”
“So God has you on a leash for the next 200 years?”
“Pretty much. I can do whatever I want except for those things. He did make an exception though. I am allowed to go to the funerals of those I knew. Also, he says I can keep my baby, but I’m leaving her with Sammy.”
“Dean, why did you agree to let God make you an angel?”
“So I could be with you, Cas. He says we can be together.” Dean leaned in and kissed him as the bonfire was lit with people surrounding it.
“Okay, Dean. There’s just one thing I have to do. Come with me.” They flew inside the living-room, and Cas took Dean’s necklace out of his trench-coat pocket, placing it on Sam’s chair in the shape of a heart. He then took of the trench-coat and draped it on the back of the chair. He took a pad of sticky-notes off of Bobby’s desk along with a pencil and started writing a note.
‘Gone with Dean. You now have 2 Angels watching over you ~ Cas’
Dean took the pencil and pad, giving Cas the first note, and wrote his own.
‘Take care of my baby, Sammy, or I’ll smite your ass. You’ll see me again someday, little brother. ~Dean’