I'd like to know why? Why do pestering feelings of despair need to rise in my chest and give me these thoughts? Why does my mind give in so weak? I wish they would stop pounding in my head. Why can't they leave? Let me rest here in peace. Let the venom take me and burn the mess. Pain. Hopeless. It all seems the same. I am not the same. The outcast. The loser. The nothing. They will always make you feel that way. Those unknowingly. The ones that follow the herd. But no one will ever understand unless they have join the subculture. It's like bleeding in the dark. Sometimes, even literally.. These are the eyes and the lies that I've taken.
Oh, how I wish loneliness didn't make me succumb to my mind's enslavement. Why must you take my sanity?
Philosophy is a never ending topic that no one will ever win nor can you really major it in college.
I chuckle to myself at the hopeless thought. I maneuver myself onto my back so I'm staring at the grey ceiling of this basement. My sweet solitude. Fortress of darkness. Which is also my room. Just all the more merrier to help my thoughts to be darkly.
Sometimes, I would love to know the answer to life. Then what would really be the point of it all if there was an answer? It's a prison yet such a blessing hidden in a pile of crap.
Laying on my bed, my hands lay limply on my chest. I'm conscious of my breathing inside. I close my eyes. Enjoying the peace. The piercing of my pain returns to my tarnished heart. Here we go again.
Are you thinking of me? Like I'm thinking of you?
Your olive skin. Your brown hazel eyes. Your small, but subtle frame. You are pefection in all of it's own creation. If only you knew. How beautiful you are to me.
I just would want you to know I think of you everyday. Every night. My depressing obsession.
How your face, your voice, your whimsical laugh, your awesome hair, and your amazing personality, it all brings me back to see the light.It helps me to see all good in life. You have everything in your fun-size package.
"Oh god.." I groan in sadness. Tears on the verge of escaping. Do you think of me? Like I think of you?
I wouldn't want to pressure you or even tell you. I know you go through things of your own. Being your best friend, I know everything about you. Maybe you shouldn't know. Fuck, I don't know anymore. I just want you to know. It kills me. All I suppress. My ever growing love tugs at my heart. And I feel like it's going to explode. Too long I have hidden it. Too long I've been trying to bury it. To no success. I live with regret. All is empty, but in my mind you still remain the same.
My eyes getting heavy of being sleep deprived. My body giving in to my bed. I moved onto my side. Slid my blanket over my slim body. Laid my head onto the pillow. I looked back up to the dark ceiling. Ran my hands through my jet black hair. I felt a pang of a sharp pain in my chest followed with a slight wetness roll down my cheeks. I let it stain my pillow. I let it stain my face. I let it stain my heart..
I close my hazel eyes. Your face flashes before blackness overcomes me.
"...Frank..." I whimpered before I slipped into unconsciousness...
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