When her will to live is gone will he save her? Rose's only hope now is Ray.
- Oh that is just... Gosh, I want to dip those dudes into boiling grease until their skin separates from their flesh, and then I want to poke at them with needles and then I want to... Argh, nevermind.
I don't usually read stories that involve rape because of reasons, but I think I'll make an exception here. I want to know what happens to her.
If I can give you some pointers that you could consider, spacing out the text more (with spaces between paragraphs) really makes it easier to read, I think. I dunno, some more attention to detail and more description might've been nice, like what is going through her head as it's happening, things like that. But it's entirely your call :D
All in all, I like this, it's a nice, dramatic first chappy. I feel so bad for her, though. Poor girl :(
Anywho, I will definitely read when you post more.
Author's responseI was doing my best. It was hard to write because it is exactly what happened to me. (Minus the cuts, that was just to add a reason she really needed to be found.) But I do intend to add details now. And I'm suck at spacing. It's on my cell phone too so It's harder. But I'll try and revise it tonight. So if you want you could give it another read when I'm finished.
And I'll start the new chapter.
And Im fairly certain you asked for a review. I will do a few of yours as soon as I get time
- Oh my, I am so sorry that happened to you. In that case I completely understand not adding too many details, I know it's a difficult thing to write about. But writing does help, it did for me. I went through the same thing and writing about it definitely helped the process (shameless self-promotion time: I wrote a oneshot about my experience, if you're interested: http://ficwad.com/story/201657).
If you do revise it, yes I will read it again, but please don't feel obligated to do so just because I'm being a bit of a sillywilly. Just some suggestions.
And yes, I did ask for a review, but don't feel any pressure about it time-wise, there's no hurry. And those dudes who did it irl to you, I wish slow and painful deaths to them all.
Author's responseDon't be sorry. It was two years ago and I've basically just let my self heal. I can talk about it but it hurts to describe it. And I just read yours. It was amazing. I'm almost done with revisions on it. :)
The revisions on my story are about done. :) and I've started the new chapter.