A short implied Frerard set in the DD universe. Kind of sad but entirely different to anything I've previously written. Please R&R if you can :)
This is a Party/Ghoul fic and it's a little different to what I've written previously. It's more of and implied male/male thing but it mainly consists of Gerard explaing his feelings in a certain moment to Frank and the latter's thoughts throughout...its probably better if you read it actually. I'm not very good at explanations. Oh, and it's very short.
Please R&R because your thoughts mean so much.
"It's like everything but the blood rushing through your body has stopped.
That's all you can really hear, all you can feel. In those first few moments, in the realisation of what is happening, everything stands still. It's like your body and your heart knows what is happening but your mind? Your mind is a step or two behind.
Then it's like you suddenly wake up, everything sounds louder somehow. Everything is brighter, just not in a good way. It's just your mind shedding more light on the reality of the situation.
Suddenly you're moving, running as fast as your body will allow you to. Then you're screaming, the agony suddenly tearing through you. You're dropping to your knees, crawling over and fighting back the tears that threaten to spill down your face.
That's the worst moment. The moment you feel stronger than you've ever been and the weakest all at once.
You have to be strong, you have no choice. Showing how crushed and defeated you are will only make the process harder, make the truth impossible to deal with. So you use all the strength you can, just to keep yourself held together..."
His hands are shaking as he talks, quaking under the emotion he has been hiding for the past week. I want to cry, to hold him in my arms, but I can't. I need to be that strength, to be what holds him together as he breaks in front of me.
"You begin to imagine what pain they must be in, you try your damn hardest not to but it can't be helped. You imagine how they must be feeling, not just the physical. You wonder what pain they have in their heart, what agonising thoughts are tearing through their minds. It's horrible.
You wonder if they're thinking about the past, family and friends, regrets and unrealised dreams. Fuck, you even wonder if they're thinking of the people they kissed! It's all so painful...almost hard to bear. It's...crippling..."
I reach out, my hands shaking just as bad as his. I slip my fingers over his and grasp them gently, he doesn't look at me though, he just grips them back and closes his eyes. The tears dancing in them finally spilling out, cutting through the dirt on his cheeks.
"As hard as it is, you block it all out. You realise somewhere inside yourself that only the present, their last few moments, matter. You swallow hard and force on a smile, just to reassure them a little. They tell you they're scared, they aren't ready. You just have to tell them it'll be okay, they'll be going to a better place. You tell them you'll be okay and that they need to let go, let the pain end. That's the part that shatters your heart.
They tell you they love you, that they'll watch over you and that they'll miss you. You just say you know and you'll feel the same, somehow that's all they really needed to hear and they aren't so scared anymore. It's as if they weren't frightened of dying but of leaving you. I guess that's the hardest part really, leaving everyone behind..."
I don't hold back anymore and I pull his head to my chest, running my fingers through his vivid red hair and resting my chin on his head. I won't allow him to see the tears that had fallen from my eyes and quickly brush them away. Strength. He needs to feel my strength.
"The final breath pulls the veil off of the world, things return to normal as they succumb to the death that they'd been fighting. You realise you can't just sit there and do what you need to do. I swear I've never had such perfect aim. I took out so many dracs, one by one watching their bodies fall.
Then it ended.
It stopped and all that was left was me and you and the shell of who he used to be. I felt so relieved when your eyes met mine, when I felt your arms wrap around me and hold me up. I didn't even realise my legs had given out underneath me! You were amazing...you've always been amazing. You put me in the passenger side of the Trans and you put him in the trunk. I just sat in silence as you drove us here...the mailbox.
You dug his grave yourself. Right next to Jet, brothers in arms. Family with family. I can't thank you enough for that.
You gave me the paper and a pencil we'd found in the diner and I wrote my final farewell, you held my hand as I posted it. You'll never know or understand how much of a weight you lifted by doing that. And tonight, now, you listened. You were just there. You are my strength and I couldn't go through this without you. Ghoul?..Frankie?"
He pulls away from my embrace and rests his head against mine, staring into my eyes. His breath is warm and shaky against my lips and I clutch his hands tightly.
As I watch the sunrise in his eyes as the morning finally arrives, I smile. I kept him alive, he keeps me fighting. Without him I'm nothing and without me he'd break.
I stroke my fingers across his cheek and smile softly
" No Gee...Thank you..."