Fry, Leela, and Bender go to a prehistoric jungle planet that rejects techology and eats humans and robots.
The Road To Fanzipar
by: Trenton Sands
"Were You Expecting a Punchline?"
Screen: Laurel and Hardy cartoon
In the Planet Express living room, Fry and Bender were playing truth or dare.
Fry: OKay, Bender! Truth or dare?
Bender: Truth! Tell me the truth about something about you, chump!
Fry: When I was 15, I only weighed 75 pounds!
Bender: Now you weigh a scrawny 90 at your age! My turn! Truth or dare, meatbag, or lack thereof!
Bender: I dare you to sneak in on Zoidberg in the shower!
Fry: Here I go!
Just when Fry was about to sneak in on Zoidberg in the shower, Leela enters with the Professor.
Leela: Are you guys playing truth or dare?
Bender: Not that it's any of your business, but hell yes!
Leela: Well, stop! (Turns to the Professor) Tell them!
Prof. Farnsworth: Did you know that the game truth or dare was banned in the year 2678 because other planetary cultures thouht it was too influnicial for their children?
Fry: Oh, I didn't know that!
Bender: Damn it! Leave it to the Professor to ruin our fun! What are we supposed to play? Pattycake?
Leela: The Professor has a mission for us, tell them.
Prof. Farnsworth: Today you are going to deliver the gift of techology to the planet Fanzipar!
Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg enter the room in shock.
Hermes: Sweet cargos of Chicago! Fanzipar? The prehistoric jungle planet?
Amy: I heard the creatures there eat humans and robots!
Zoidberg: I'll bet I'd be pretty popular in Fanzipar! I'm a little prehistoric myself!
Hermes: (sarcastically): Yeah, sure you would. Those Fanziparians would have your head on a platter in a New New York minute!
Leela: If there's one thing the Orphaniarium taught me it's.....
Bender: You're worthless and nobody will ever love you!
Leela: No, it's if you don't take risks you don't grow up! We'll do it!
Fry: We get to to go the jungle! This is going to be so much fun!
Bender: When I get there, I'm going to swing on vines and steal bananas from monkeys!
Prof. Farnsworth: Scruffy loaded a computer for you to take. Off you go!
The P.E. Ship goes into space and is going to it's destination, Fanzipar. In the ship, Bender is waiting for Fry to come out of the bathroom
Bender (pacing back and forth): What's taking so long? He's been in there since we blasted off. Does it take him this long to.....
Fry gets out of the bathroom and he's dressed in a pith helmet, a yellow safari suit, and hiker boots. Fry looks very emaiciated in his outfit.
Fry: How do I look! (in a Aussie accent): G'Day mate!
Bender: Like an anorexic Paul Hogan!
Fry: (regular voice) I was saving this for Halloween then I thought, what the hey, I'll wear it for this mission since we're going to a jungle planet!
Leela: Fry, don't you remember the Professor's rules for dressing up on missions?
Fry: Uh, no, what was it?
Leela: Never dress in any way that could draw attention to yourself!
Fry: But drawing attention to myself is one of my favorite things to do!
Bender: You're a redhead, you're skinny, and.....oh, hell! I'm not even going to talk you out of this one, skintube! If you get into trouble don't come running to us! (reaches for a beer)
Leela: For once I'll have to agree with you, Bender!
The PE Ship approaches Fanzipar and lands.
Fry, Bender and Leela get out of the ship. They see a primitive world. The Fanziparians are half gorilla and half tiger and have super sharp teeth, and they live in straw huts and everywhere there were fruit trees, swamps, jungle, and human skulls on sticks. Bender gets out the box that the computer is in.
Leela: Bender, you and I are going to carry the box and Fry you go on top of it to be a lookout.
Fry: Why don't you be a lookout? I'm not good at looking out. I tried to babysit my cousin once and I was watching the series finale of ALF, and he wandered off and I searched everywhere and I found him in a bar!
Bender: Listen, chumpwad! We don't care about what happened to you or your cousin 1000 years ago! You weigh less than us and you go up there to check out any suspicious activity!
Fry: Fine. (Goes up on the box).
Leela and Bender carry the box with Fry on top as a lookout.
Leela: See anything Fry?
Fry: Nope, not so far! Unless you count straw huts and fruit trees.
Bender: Whatever! I just want to get this over with so I can have a Tarzan-style experience!
Leela and Bender feel a sudden jolt and drop the box. Fry is gone.
Leela: Oh, no! Fry's missing! Bender! Help me find him!
Bender: What? Why? I didn't kill him!
Just then a group of Fanziparians armed with spears gathered around Leela and Bender.
Fanziparian #1: What are you intruders doing here on our planet?
Bender: We came here to give you a gift!
Leela: (opening the box): The gift of techology!
Bender: It's a computer! You can get the internet on this thing! Plus, you could download some.....
Fanziparian #2: Enough! We here on Fanzipar reject all techology of any kind!
Fanziparian #3: Just for that, we shall make a feast! Human and robot stew! For the king!
One of the Fanziparians hits Leela with a blow dart that contains a tanquilizer. Bender gets carried off.
Bender: Leela gets put to sleep and I get carried away! Hmmm, maybe they're going to make me their new king!
Leela and Bender were soon in a pot with a fire buring underneath, and some Fanziparians came by to chop up some vegatables.
Leela: Just our luck. Fry goes mising and we're going to be dinner soon.
Bender: You know, I don't believe all these rumors about Fanziparians eating robots! Maybe you and Fry will be eaten, but not me!
Leela: Bender, they're going to eat you too! They eat robots here!
Bender: They're cooking you, but not me! Maybe they're giving me a bath. Is it any wonder no matter where I go I'm always so popular?
Leela: Didn't you see their teeth? Of course they'll eat you!
Bender: Is delusion a common side effect with you orphans?
A Fanziparian walks by and Bender stops him.
Bender: Yo, what's the special?
Fanziparian #4: Human and robot stew! You both will make a tasty meal for the king!
Bender: Mmmm! Mmmm! Sounds delicious! Save me a bowl!
Fanziparian #4: (sarcastically): Yeah, sure!
Leela: Did you hear that? Human and Robot Stew! Look all around!
Bender: Mmmm! Mmmm! Mmmm! Something sure smells good! (Looks all around and turns on his smell sensors) Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! IT'S ME!!!!!
Leela: Now he gets it.
Meanwhile some Fanziparians were in a carriage with Fry in a wicker basket in the back. The carriage stops in front of a castle and two Fanziparians were carrying a wicker basket with Fry inside and walked up to the king's throne.
Fry: You can't do this to me! I'm an Earthican!
Fanziparian King: Take the intruder out of the basket.
The king's subjects take Fry out of the basket.
Fry: (bowing to the king): Please have mercy on me your majesty....
Fanziparian King: Silence! I just have received word that a woman and a robot were with you and you tried to deliver techology to our planet.
Fry: (sheepishly): That is true.
Fanziparian King: So now your friends are being eaten and you're going to live here for the rest of your life and be my slave! Seize him, and prepare him for slave auction!
Fry screams in mercy and some guards come to tie up Fry and put him in wrist and leg irons and a bag over his head. Then they lead Fry away.
Fry: I'm too much of a slacker to be a slave!
A mysterious figure sees Leela and Bender in a pot and Fry being taken away.
Mysterious Figure: There's hope for them yet.....
Leela and Bender are still in the pot. Bender is going stir crazy.
Bender: How could anyone try to eat my shiny metal ass?! I can't be eaten! There's too many beers and alcohol I haven't tried yet, and there's so many crimes I haven't committed yet!
Leela: Bender! Calm down! We'll just climb out.
Mysterious Figure: Your one eyed friend is right!
Leela: Who said that? Did you say anything?
Bender: No, I didn't say nothing!
Mystertious Figure: I said it! (Walking towards Leela and Bender)
The Mysterious figure turns out to be a Japanese monk. His name is Ayoko.
Ayoko: Greetings cyclops and robot. My name is Ayoko. I have been held captive on this planet for 20 years.
Leela: (climbing out of the pot along with Bender): Sorry to hear about that. What happened?
Ayoko: Once I saw your delivery ship land, I knew that was my only hope to go home. For I, like you worked for a delivery service in Japan called "Universe Express". You had to be a monk to work there.
Bender: Got any saki?
Leela: (disguestedly) Bender! (normally) Have you seen a skinny redheaded guy around? He works for us. He was wearing a pith helmet and a safari suit.
Ayoko: Yes, indeed I have. He's going to be sold into slavery like I was when I landed on this planet. Two of my friends were sadly eaten.
Bender: When does this auction start?
Ayoko: It starts in 20 minutes. I will help you get your friend back if you will help me back to my homeland. That will give us enough time to get in disguises. Sometimes the Fanziparians dress like ninjas. So we shall become ninjas!
Bender: Does this mean I have to start drinking my beer with a samari sword?
Leela: (sighs disgustedly): There he goes again! You'll have to excuse him, he's extremely rude and he's proud of it.
Bender: Sorry, just thought I would say something stupid since Fry isn't here!
Leela: We'll do it!
(Korn's Throw Me Away plays)
The slave auction is beginning. The king is on the stage. All the Fanziparians gather along with Leela, Bender, and Ayoko who are diguised as ninjas.
Fanziparian King: Today we have a slave who like 20 years ago tried to deliver some techology to us. His friends are being cooked into a soup that will make a great feast. Bring out the slave!
Two Fanziparian guards carry Fry to the stage and drop him. Fry had a bag over his head and he's bound, gagged, and shackled.
Fanziparian King: How much stones are you going to bid for this slave?
Leela, Bender, and Ayoko were in stiff competition bidding with the Fanziparians.
Bender: 5,000 stones!
Leela: 6,000 stones!
Bender: 7,000 stones!
Ayoko: Try to bid higer! 10,000 stones!
Leela: 100,000 stones!
The Fanziparians kept trying to outbid them by bidding higher. By bidding 5 to 6 to 7 to 8 to 9 hundred thousand stones.
Bender: 1,000,000 stones!
Ayoko: 3,000,000 stones! Here they use stones as currency.
Bender: We figured that out already.
The Fanziparians still try to outbid them. Then Bender goes for the ultimite bid.
Bender: 100,000,000,000 stones!
Fanziparian King: No one has ever bid that much for a slave!
The Fanziparians stood and gasped in awe.
Fanziparian King: Sold! To the ninjas!
Bender: Yes! We did it!
Leela: We don't have stones!
Bender: We got the next best thing!
Ayoko: What do you have, robot-san?
Bender: You'll see.
Ayoko, Leela, and Bender come to the stage to claim Fry. Bender carries Fry over his shoulder.
Fanziparian King: Pay up, now!
Bender opens his chest compartment and pays with empty beer bottles.
Bender: We don't have stones. So you'll have to make do with these beer bottles! Compendre?
Fanziparian King: (angerly): What is the meaning of this?
Bender: Got a complaint? Tell it to the Chamber of Comm-Ass!
Bender moons the king and lets off some exhaust steam that causes all the Fanziparians to cough. Leela karate kicks the king. After the exhaust cloud was gone, the Fanziparians become more angry.
Fanziparian King: (taking off their costumes): It's the captives who were going to be dinner! And the slave who was here 20 years! They're going to get away with the new slave! Kill them! Kill them! Kill them!
All the Fanziparians chased Leela, Bender, and Ayoko with Fry in tow.
Scene 7 Conclusion:
The Fanziparians continued to chase Leela, Bender, and Ayoko to the PE Ship.
Leela: Follow us, Ayoko! The ship is this way!
Bender: I really know how to piss people off, eh? (laughes evilly)
Ayoko: Too bad we don't have robots like you in my homeland.
The Fanziparians throw spears at them and miss. The Fanziparians continue to chase them until they get into the PE Ship.
The ship takes off and the Fanziparians shake their fists in anger.
Fanziparian King: Come back my people. We'll wait another time to get a slave from another planet.
The Fanziparians go back home.
Bender: (shouts from the spaceship window): Fanzipar could bite me shiny metal ass! (laughs)
Leela: Thank you for helping us. Now we're going to get you back home. Would you like us to drop you off at the place you work?
Ayoko: No. I could find my way.
Leela: Sorry you had to lose 20 years of your life on that planet. Your family would be happy to see you.
Ayoko: Yes, they will be. I have missed them terribly. (Unbags and ungags Fry)
Fry: You evil ninjas! You killed my friends so I could be your slave!
Ayoko: Redhead-san. Don't you recognize them? They saved you!
Fry: Who was it? Hermes? Scruffy?
Bender: No, moron! It was us! Did you still think we were ninjas?
Fry: Bender! Leela! You're alive! You saved my life! I thought I was going to be a slave to some evil ninjas.
Leela: You're safe now and we're going home as soon as we get Ayoko back to Japan.
Bender unties, and Leela unchains Fry.
Fry: Thanks Bender. Is there anything I can do to repay you?
Bender: Yes! No more cheesy costumes during missions!
Fry: I've learned my lesson.
Leela: I'm sure you have.
Everyone laughes as the PE Ship heads back to Earth where Ayoko finally returned to Japan and Fry, Bender, and Leela went back to New New York in Planet Express.