This story has been finished but not done with editing. My goal is to re-write the whole story to have better syntax and literary devices. For now, have this chapter that i decided to re-write. Hop...
After Vicky left, the air in the room got dense and awkward. There was a window on my left side; the sun was shining through burning my eyes making me not look away from Gerard. I sat there with ambivalence. I felt my inner thighs and hamstrings sweat because of the leather couch so I shifted in my seat. Gerard sat there looking at his fingers fiddle by his knees and from time to time, taking his hand to the back of his neck. He was sweating too; either from anxiety, nervousness, or because the sun was hitting his black hair and jacket, penetrating through causing his sweat. I wouldn’t blame him if he was nervous, because my soul is jumping in and out of my body right now.
He finally looked up at me and me at him. We held profound eye contact; his eyes were bright, light, and scared. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this nervous before.
“So… how was Canada?” He starts. He smiles an admonish smile and relieving some of the tension. I let out a breath, “It was a lot of fun.” I smile, but it doesn’t feel genuine. And that’s only because it wasn’t all that fun; I cried a lot thanks to him. "Umm, how has Jersey been? And New York?" I ask following the conversation but actually wanting to know more than a simple good.
"fine I guess. Problems everywhere though."
"it's okay.” He gets up, wipes his hands on his pants and adds, “Want something to drink?"
"sure." He walks to the kitchen. I watch his every move. I watch his anticipated hand grabbing the coffee jar and pouring some coffee in a mug. Then he looks over at me.
"still like Tea?"
"yeah.." he walks over with two mugs. He hands me mine and softly brushes his fingers on mine. His touch felt like a tinge of electricity run through my fingers. As I take a sip, I realize it is exactly how I like it.
"I can't believe you remember how I like it.” I softly laugh.
"well of course I will. We were together for so long. I cherished our good memories." He smiles with warmth and I can see the joy in his eyes again.
"Right.. So you're 24 now?" I tell him.
"yes and you're birthday just passed. You're 23 correct?
"yeah, that's right.."
"well, happy late birthday. So tell me, how have you been these past 7 years?"
"thank you. Good I guess. You?"
"fine. You know..." he looks down at the ground. I see his cheeks blush lightly and when he looks up, there is anxiety in his eyes again. “I missed you." He concludes. I can see the tears form and I instantly feel empathy. I grin with ambivalence: I pity his eyes and I am now starting to feel the joy of his presence.
"I... Missed you too." I reply with no hesitation, with no regret. I smile genuinely this time and with no more ambivalence. I am happy to see him. He doesn’t look his best: his hair is messy, he’s gained a few pounds, his profoundly pail, and has lightly darkened circles around his eyes. I can only pity his eyes. But his smile, oh… his smile…it only reminds me of us.
I feel my left eye tear up so I wipe it fast before he notices.
“oh, are you okay?” he says with worry.
“yeah I’m fine, just a little emotional that’s all.”
“okay..” he nods lightly and bows his head looking at his mug. I am not sure if I noticed correctly but I know I saw a tear fall inside his mug. But I won’t question it.
“When did you move out from your parent’s basement?” I ask him to begin conversation.
“A year after high school. I landed a spot in the Art College here in New York and I sure as hell did not want to commute so I just moved out here.”
He drinks coffee again. “Edith?” he says afterwards.
“Can I ask you something?”
“when did you arrive?”
“about a month ago”
“do you by any chance… know about my band?”
“oh yes! I was going to mention that!” I sit up more lively.
“really? How do you know?”
“well, I have a friend who took me to watch a show and you guys were playing. You were great!”
“oh thanks, that means a lot. But anyway, do you know a guy named Geoff?”
“yeah, I met him at the show.”
“did you- did you talk to him? Like in a taxi by any chance?”
“I did. It’s funny because, I saw you.”
“I saw you too. I know I wasn’t imagining things. I was super drunk but I know my Edith.”
“yes, I know! You reeked of alcohol!”
“no kidding! Did you also- well… okay, did you also talk to him… about me? Maybe later and stuff?”
“I did… and listen, I know what you’re talking about. I’ve made some trifling decisions the past couple of weeks.”
“why did you say those things? Did you mean them?”
“no, of course not! I just, I wanted to know something…”
“like what?” he laughs nervously.
“well…. I just wanted to know where you lived that’s all.”
“and you thought saying those things were helpful to gather your information?”
“okay like I said, I’ve made trifling decisions with feelings of aversion.”
“wow.. okay.” We both laugh. I look at my tea mug and feel my cheeks start to blush since I know I definitely meant a lot of the things I said.
“So uhh…How’s school? Or are you still in school?” I decide to skip the subject of sexual ignominies.
“just finishing up actually. About 9 more months and I’m good to go.”
“that’s great… yeah”
“How about you? How’s your dancing career?”
“it’s been great actually. I toured for about 6 months last year in Europe.”
“ooh fancy.” His accent and his giggle were adorable and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“So, is high school different over there?” he continues, “you did graduate over there right?”
“yes I did and it’s not all that different actually. Well, I wouldn’t know really, I wasn’t involved in the social scene as much.”
“oh why not?” with his question, I hesitate. All I can remember are the dreadful nights in which I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about him.
“I uh- I just wasn’t into it. I didn’t have the best time in high school”
“why? If you don’t mind me asking.” He sips his coffee with caution.
“Well, I was mostly depressed… a lot.” I can predict where this conversation might be going.
“ohh… well- was I… by any chance, the cause of that?”
“uhhh…” I hesitate to answer. This is exactly what I thought would happen. He looks at me and I at him with the same expression: pity and a burden.
“you don’t have to answer that actually…” he concludes. I drink my tea with huge gulps and don’t respond.
“How were your high school years?” I ask. Again, wanting to know more than just a simple answer.
“I assume the same way you felt.”
“okay…” I set my mug down on the coffee table. “on the count of three, we both say out loud what we felt.”
“alright” he also sets his mug down.”
I say depressed.
He says suicidal.
I feel shocked and his expression is the same.
“you felt suicidal?” I question with fear, hoping I heard wrong.
“I did.” His eyes turn red and he drinks more coffee.
There’s silence for a moment. I bow my head and look at my thighs. Tears form in my eyes and I can’t hold on to them any longer.
I pity him! All my nights wondering if he ever thought about me, he did. All the time I thought he forgot about me, he didn’t. All the days I thought I would never see him again, I was wrong, because here I am face to face with him and I haven’t given him the single hug I have longed for. My tears touch my thighs and I look up at him. He is still staring at me with full tears shedding down his cheeks. We lock eye contact once more and I know exactly how he feels.
It’s shocking to see him. And I’m sure he feels the same way. I feel restricted, and I know he does too. We both want to make a move, but don’t know if we can.
Until I stand up and almost a second later, he does too. I walk over slowly with trembling knees. I am a foot away from him. He hovers over me; his beautiful, glistening hazel eyes looks down on me and I look up at him.
I walk closer and embrace his torso, he embraces my waist; we both know we wanted this. I am invaded by profound warmth. I feel embraced by trusted arms. I feel loved. We hug with such blithe. I never want to let go. I close my eyes and breathe in his scent. I reminisce in his scent: he smells like cigarettes and coffee with a-day-old cologne.
we stand there for a while, caressing each other’s backs. His soft and smooth strokes make me feel cared for. He starts to stroke my hair slowly; I relax more in his arms. Then, his lips press against my forehead and I feel electricity run through my body again. I indulge in the kiss and wish it were on my lips. I then look up at him once again; I wrap my arms around his neck.
“You look beautiful.” He whispers.
“thank you” I reply and rest my head on his shoulder. A second later, he makes me look up at him. I can see his eyes dilate and his eye crave. He looks down at my lips and slowly kisses me. I tense up; his lips are soft and slightly quiver but they’re warm and seductive.
He feels my arms tighten and I slowly start to push him off.
“shhh… it’s okay… just let me kiss you.” He says. His forehead rests on mine. I start to feel anxiety and ambivalence again. I want him badly, but something tells me to be careful.
His lips touch mine again and now, they’re just warm and hungry. He deepens the kiss and I get lost in it. My tears role down my cheeks but my body allows him to go further. He grabs me beneath my thighs and picks me up. I feel him moving. As I keep kissing him, I feel him lower me down and I feel a soft surface beneath me.
I want to stop him. His hands start to go beneath my shirt as we kiss. But my body won’t respond to my brain. It only responds to his touch.
he lets go of my lips and starts to nibble on my neck. I breathe in deeply because I feel his lips suck on my neck. He then comes up and looks at me, slowly bringing my shirt over my head. His eyes instantly focus on my torso and he traces my tattoo.
“Another tattoo?” he asks. I just nod and close my eyes. I soon feel his breath on my torso and feel his caress on my inner thighs. He slowly unbuttons my shorts, takes them off along with my panties and touches my plum. I shudder at his touch and instantly respond. He starts to kiss me again. We kiss passionately and I move my hands to his belt buckle and unfasten it taking off his jeans. He hovers over me again and penetrates me deeply. I gasp and when he thrusts, we synchronize to each other’s movements. He plays with my breasts making the moment hotter. He speeds up; I feel my insides tingle with his. He kisses me deeply and slows down the pace, to indulge in every thrust. We grab hands over our heads, while we kiss, and thrust together. We let go and stare deeply at each other. He smiles and shuts his eyes and penetrates deeper. I smile too, feeling my climax coming and I trade his spot. I sit on top of him, taking the control and speeding up the movement. I grab his shoulders to maintain rhythm and have perpetual profoundness. He grabs my hips and thrusts deeper one last time. I grit my teeth, but I feel my endorphins explode satisfyingly over my body and I scream. He groans and starts to thrust slowly as my climax still hasn’t stopped. I then stop, breathe rapidly, and collapse on top of him. He grabs my chin and we start to kiss again, with passion and meaning. I let go of his lips and stare deeply at his eyes. I brush his hair off his forehead and kiss it. Then I kiss his nose followed by his mouth.
“I love you.” I whisper.
“I love you too.” He whispers back. We move positions and lay comfortably on the bed. I rest on top his chest as we hold hands over the covers.
“its been so long.” He says kissing my hands.
“I know, I missed that so much.”
“I did too.”
I close my eyes for a little while. His soft fingers brush my arm slowly. I feel relaxed and sleepy. I feel satisfied because a ball of anxiety was released as soon as our lips first collided tonight. I turn around to face him and wrap a leg over his body. I nibble on his chest with small pecks. I hear his heart beat at a relaxed rate. He hugs me closer and tighter. I then climb on top of him and stare into his dilated hazel eyes.
“You’re beautiful” I tell him and he smiles and kisses my lips softly and gently.
“I’m glad we did this. I’m glad to be with you tonight.” He says. I rest my head on his shoulder and both our heart beat accelerates.
“I am too.” We kiss profoundly one last time for the night before we fall asleep hugging each other close all night.