Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Unexpected
Chapter 18
Izzy stood at his bedroom in his parents house, staring out at the darkness smoking a cigarette. I see his body twitch here and there as he stands in silence. Its been four days of sobriety for us so far. Izzy seems much better today. I myself am feeling much better too. It was beginning to scare me when Izzy started talking out of his head. The silence of my thoughts is broken by Izzy's gruff, exhausted voice.
"You really love me Lanessa?" He doesnt turn to me at all, he just stares out the window into the darkness.
"Yes," I nodded.
"Would you do anything for me?" His rugged voice asked quietly.
"Yes, of course," I answer. I watch as he slowly exhales a plume of smoke. I watch as it billows over his head and dissappates into a flat plane in the room overhead. "You promise?" I hear him softly ask.
"Yes," I say.
For a while he leaves to wonder about his line of questioning. Then finally he tosses his cigarette out the window and turns to me. "You have to score." He said with unsettled eyes and scrunched brows.
I shake my head no.
Izzy sharply comes for me taking me by my wrists. "You fucking said you would do anything for me!"
"No Iz, I cant," I protest. "You said we were doing this."
"I cant," he hisses as he lets go of my wrists. He leaps from the bed in a single bound and drives his fist through the nearest wall. He seems unaware that it had to hurt. He then turns to me with fire in his eyes. "Fuckin bitch You promised!"
"Izzy no, please dont make me do that. We wanted to get clean, remember?" I say defensively putting my hands up as Izzy comes at me again with that blind rage in his eyes.
He looks capable of anything. I dont know what he's going to do to me. Before I know it he's pinning me back down onto the bed with a firm grasp with five of his long slender calloused fingers tight on my throat. I see nothing but rage in his eyes. his beautiful grey had turned black and hollow.
I grab at his wrist with both hands trying to free from his hold. It only causes him to squeeze harder. I begin gasping for air but he's squeezing so tightly I cant make a peep. I feel my eyes buldging from their sockets. I cant scream or even try to beg him to stop. ear creeps across me asI wonder if Izzy is going to let go or if he is going to actually kill me. Somehow in the confusion I manage to get enough wits about me to thrust the heel of my palm upwards into his nose. It startles him enough to let go of me to in turn grab his nose. I take this oportunity to scramble off the bed and run out of the room and down the hall to his parents room for help.
Izzy's POV
The second Lanessa was out the door I bound ovr to the window and raised it. I bolted out and took off running for the fastest way I could get to the airport. I had to get to LA. I could seem to think of nothing else at that point. I knew my parents would be disappointed, but my mouth watered for one fix to make me feel like me again. I knew I had just almost killed my wife, but I just couldnt let her hold me back from that rewading prick of a needle. I didnt know how to be Jeff Isbell from Indiana anymore. Living in LA on the streets dealing and moonlighting as some rocker turned me into Izzy Stradlin. Making it and there being a nonstop party to always be in the middle of didnt help. IZZY STRADLIN COULDNT DO THIS SHIT SOBER! What was the point? As soon as I went back out on the road Id be surrounded by dope again. You cant tour straight. Who am I kidding?
As soon as I get to LA it takes me no time at all to track down what it is I want. Having been a dealer myself had given me hundreds of connects. So I found myself in the seedy underbelly of Hollywood among crack houses, dope dens, hookers, and fiends. I find myself on a filthy couch in a delapitated apartment deciding which of my veins to pleasure. Nothing crossed my mind but the sweet relief the smack was bringing me. I lost every thought in my mind. It was a blank slate of euphoria and I didnt have a care in the world. This was the only world I wanted to know.
I dont know how long I sat there and just nod. I dont know how many times I shot up. I didnt have a clue how much money I spent, nor did I care. I cant even recall how many days I stayed there. I was too easily spotted in public. If I went to a hotel stalking groupies would just try to get in it. Sex was the farthest thing from my mind. I knew people were worried about me and looking for me, but I couldnt face them. The band was probably all worked up, 'Where the FUCK is IZZY?'. Lanessa was probably out on the dark LA streets searching for me now. She would never find me here. My parents probably reported me missing or some shit. I didnt even want to watch MTV. No telling what kind of an explanation the band had for my shotgun wedding and disappearing act. Then again, maybe only Lanessa and my parents knew. The band didnt expect to hear from me for a month.
So I just sat there on that dingy couch full of mystery stains and cigarette burns. I stayed there until it took the form of my body. I stayed far longer than intended. I havent a clue why, but it sort of felt like home, or my own personal comfort zone. Unfortunately as my tolerance built the real world began dawning on me. To correct that little problem I just shot more dope. Normally I like my coke too, but for now Im perfectly content just to be smacked out here in some dope dealers apartment in West Hollywood.
Yeah, Yeah, the real world would come back to slap me in the face eventually, but that some day wasnt today. Today was sheer oblivion. Today was numbness. Today was just a void in reality. Tomorrow would hopefully follow in suit. I didnt care if I died right now. I couldnt imagine dying any happier.
Izzy stood at his bedroom in his parents house, staring out at the darkness smoking a cigarette. I see his body twitch here and there as he stands in silence. Its been four days of sobriety for us so far. Izzy seems much better today. I myself am feeling much better too. It was beginning to scare me when Izzy started talking out of his head. The silence of my thoughts is broken by Izzy's gruff, exhausted voice.
"You really love me Lanessa?" He doesnt turn to me at all, he just stares out the window into the darkness.
"Yes," I nodded.
"Would you do anything for me?" His rugged voice asked quietly.
"Yes, of course," I answer. I watch as he slowly exhales a plume of smoke. I watch as it billows over his head and dissappates into a flat plane in the room overhead. "You promise?" I hear him softly ask.
"Yes," I say.
For a while he leaves to wonder about his line of questioning. Then finally he tosses his cigarette out the window and turns to me. "You have to score." He said with unsettled eyes and scrunched brows.
I shake my head no.
Izzy sharply comes for me taking me by my wrists. "You fucking said you would do anything for me!"
"No Iz, I cant," I protest. "You said we were doing this."
"I cant," he hisses as he lets go of my wrists. He leaps from the bed in a single bound and drives his fist through the nearest wall. He seems unaware that it had to hurt. He then turns to me with fire in his eyes. "Fuckin bitch You promised!"
"Izzy no, please dont make me do that. We wanted to get clean, remember?" I say defensively putting my hands up as Izzy comes at me again with that blind rage in his eyes.
He looks capable of anything. I dont know what he's going to do to me. Before I know it he's pinning me back down onto the bed with a firm grasp with five of his long slender calloused fingers tight on my throat. I see nothing but rage in his eyes. his beautiful grey had turned black and hollow.
I grab at his wrist with both hands trying to free from his hold. It only causes him to squeeze harder. I begin gasping for air but he's squeezing so tightly I cant make a peep. I feel my eyes buldging from their sockets. I cant scream or even try to beg him to stop. ear creeps across me asI wonder if Izzy is going to let go or if he is going to actually kill me. Somehow in the confusion I manage to get enough wits about me to thrust the heel of my palm upwards into his nose. It startles him enough to let go of me to in turn grab his nose. I take this oportunity to scramble off the bed and run out of the room and down the hall to his parents room for help.
Izzy's POV
The second Lanessa was out the door I bound ovr to the window and raised it. I bolted out and took off running for the fastest way I could get to the airport. I had to get to LA. I could seem to think of nothing else at that point. I knew my parents would be disappointed, but my mouth watered for one fix to make me feel like me again. I knew I had just almost killed my wife, but I just couldnt let her hold me back from that rewading prick of a needle. I didnt know how to be Jeff Isbell from Indiana anymore. Living in LA on the streets dealing and moonlighting as some rocker turned me into Izzy Stradlin. Making it and there being a nonstop party to always be in the middle of didnt help. IZZY STRADLIN COULDNT DO THIS SHIT SOBER! What was the point? As soon as I went back out on the road Id be surrounded by dope again. You cant tour straight. Who am I kidding?
As soon as I get to LA it takes me no time at all to track down what it is I want. Having been a dealer myself had given me hundreds of connects. So I found myself in the seedy underbelly of Hollywood among crack houses, dope dens, hookers, and fiends. I find myself on a filthy couch in a delapitated apartment deciding which of my veins to pleasure. Nothing crossed my mind but the sweet relief the smack was bringing me. I lost every thought in my mind. It was a blank slate of euphoria and I didnt have a care in the world. This was the only world I wanted to know.
I dont know how long I sat there and just nod. I dont know how many times I shot up. I didnt have a clue how much money I spent, nor did I care. I cant even recall how many days I stayed there. I was too easily spotted in public. If I went to a hotel stalking groupies would just try to get in it. Sex was the farthest thing from my mind. I knew people were worried about me and looking for me, but I couldnt face them. The band was probably all worked up, 'Where the FUCK is IZZY?'. Lanessa was probably out on the dark LA streets searching for me now. She would never find me here. My parents probably reported me missing or some shit. I didnt even want to watch MTV. No telling what kind of an explanation the band had for my shotgun wedding and disappearing act. Then again, maybe only Lanessa and my parents knew. The band didnt expect to hear from me for a month.
So I just sat there on that dingy couch full of mystery stains and cigarette burns. I stayed there until it took the form of my body. I stayed far longer than intended. I havent a clue why, but it sort of felt like home, or my own personal comfort zone. Unfortunately as my tolerance built the real world began dawning on me. To correct that little problem I just shot more dope. Normally I like my coke too, but for now Im perfectly content just to be smacked out here in some dope dealers apartment in West Hollywood.
Yeah, Yeah, the real world would come back to slap me in the face eventually, but that some day wasnt today. Today was sheer oblivion. Today was numbness. Today was just a void in reality. Tomorrow would hopefully follow in suit. I didnt care if I died right now. I couldnt imagine dying any happier.
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