Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > but its better if you do
I woke up feeling a little better..
There was a weird smell near me, it smelled like a guy. I sniffed my shirt and realized it was on me but it wasn't where it was coming from. I looked over to see Patrick snoring away. I leaned over and sniffed him, it was definitely him, it smelled good like cinnamon or something. I smiled as he snored. I tried to get out of the bed without waking him up but he sat straight up in the bed with his glasses on crooked then smiled at me.
"You scared me." He chuckled and fixed his glasses and tried to fix his messy hair. "Do you feel any better?" He asked.
"I feel a lot better, I'm still a bit sad though."
"I have an Idea do you want to go some where?" He said with his eyes brightening a little bit. I shrugged. "Oh come on, you still have a bit before Carla gets off work so we might as well kill some time." He said.
I knew he had something in mind that he wanted to do, and I knew he meant well so I agreed. We put our shoes on and he excitedly pulled me out the door and into his car.
"We're going to this museum its so cool, I've never actually been with anyone else before." He said. His statement kind of made me feel sad for him even though I don't think he even realized what he said. I looked at him and gave him a smile.
-------
Everyday for a week Patrick and Carla were there for me doing what ever they could for me. I hadn't herd from Brendon in all this time but that only sped along my emotional recovery.
I paced my house nervously with thoughts flying through my head like race cars until a car horn outside made me jump. I wondered if I was doing the right thing as I grabbed my bag and headed out to meet Patrick at his car. I got in the passengers seat.
"I'm sorry Carla had to work, I hope me going with you won't be awkward or anything." He said as we left my drive way.
"I don't think it will be, I'm glad your here. I don't think I could do this by myself. Do you think I'm doing the right thing?" I asked.
"Like I said before, its your body... but yeah I do, I guess." He said.
"I don't know if I can go through with this." I felt tears well up in my eyes.
"Don't back out now, I'm here. It will be alright. You'll feel better after its over." He said with a half smile I want sure if he believed that himself or not.
"I'm so scared." I admitted.
"Don't be, I'm sure it won't be so bad." He said.
We pulled up at the doctors office and went in Patrick sat down in one of the waiting room chairs and I got a clipboard of paper work to fill out from the receptionist. It was hard to concentrate on the questions and it took a while to fill out and return to the receptionist. Patrick was bouncing his leg nervously and chewing on his lip he raised his glasses and rubbed my eyes before he noticed me watching him, I probably looked horrified but he gave me his best smile anyway. Finally my name was called and I pouted to Patrick as I got up and this made him get go with me and follow the nurse back into the halls.
"The doctor will be with you soon." The nurse said before closing the door sealing Patrick and I in.
"You didn't have to-" I began
"I wanted to, you need me, I couldn't let you come back here alone." He said nervously. I didn't understand why he was as nervous as me. The door opened and a female doctor walked in.
"Hey guys, I'm doctor Tomlin" she said and shook our hands. "Amy can I have you lay on the bed and lift your shirt up and unbutyin your jeans?" She asked as I did what she told me then hopped up on the doctors office bed.
She messed with some wires and squirted son jell on my stomach. Instantly Patrick was at my side holding my hand.
"Take a look at the screen, your guy's baby should be...there it is." She moved a wand around on my stomach until a little moving bean appeared on the screen. No one corrected her that Patrick wasn't the father but the way he was staring at the screen wide eyed and helped my hand he sure did fit the part.
"It looks like you are about three weeks aaaand...you have a girl." She said. "How are you feeling dad?" She asked looking at Patrick and I began to snicker at the mistake as I looked at him blushing.
"Uh... like I'm having a daughter, I guess." He said dumbfoundedly.
"Here's a few print outs for you two." She said handing me the ultrasound pictures"
We were laughing about the 'daddy' mistake all the way home.
"I mean I can see where she would get that it was my baby, I mean look at this the resemblance is uncanny!" He said and I held up the black and white ultra sound picture of the tiny blurry baby up to him.
"Yup, looks just like you." I laughed.
"Oh man, how do we explain this to Brendon?" He joked but it was the first time I have herd his name since he left, my happiness flattened like a tire.
"I know you don't want to talk about it but I talked to someone and he did check himself in to the psychiatric ward at the hospital." He said.
"Do you think I should go see him." I asked him.
"I think you should unfortunately." Patrick said.
"Can we go?" I asked.
"We can go right now if you want." He said and I nodded.
Patrick held my hand as we walked into the psychiatric wing of the hospital he let ho at the reception desk when I told the lady we were here to see Brendon Urie. We waited for a moment and sat down at one of the many plastic tables with folding chairs. After a minute two guards brought Brendon over to the table. He had stubble on his face and his hair was a mess and he looked kind of out of it. The guards sat him down at the table. Brendan looked at us for a moment.
"Amy" he said sadly.
"I brought you something to see, you can have it when you get out. I slid an ultra sound picture over the table to him and he picked it up and took a good look at it before breaking down.
"Is it a boy or a girl?" He asked with tears freely flowing.
"Girl" I said.
"I didn't think you would come see me, if I were you I wouldn't."
"How are you doing Bren?" Patrick finally spoke.
"Better, just not all the way better. With all the medicine I'm on I never feel angry anymore but I'm still having problems with my mood swings" I looked at Brendon dressed in his matching puke pastel green scrub things and felt bad, I could tell that he was very sad and alone. He saw me looking at him and reached his hand cuffed hands across the table to hold mine. I saw Patrick glance at our hands for a moment but I couldn't read his expression.
"I'm going to do everything in my power to get better for my girls, if you would let me be a dad at the end of this I would be lucky." He said rubbing circles on my hand gently with his thumb.
I slid my hands away from him and put one under the table. I taped Patrick's leg before I spoke.
"Brendon, Patrick and I are together and I love him very much." I said causing Patrick to fidget with his hands but not say anything or look at me. I watched Brendon's reaction carefully, but he just looked devastated, not angry or anything.
"I see." He said sadly and looked down into his lap.
"Please take care of her Patrick, don't treat her like I did." He said.
"I-I would never..I-" Patrick began to stuter nervously and looked to me.
"Brendon, I lied. I lied to see your reaction.I know testing you like this isn't right but I just needed to see." I said.
"I understand, its fine. I'm not mad." He said. "Have you thought of any baby names?" He asked me.
"I thought you could help, your her dad." I said and saw a hint of a smile spread across his face.
"Really? I mean I don't have any good ones right now, I'm going to need some time." He said getting a little exited.
"It's okay, we have some time to think about it." I said."I think were going to go now but I'll be back in a few days. I said and stood up cueing Patrick to stand up too.
As soon as we got into the car Patrick began to ask me questions.
"Do you trust him enough to be with him when he gets out?"
"No, I don't think I do. I don't know if I can trust him ever again, especially not around the baby." I said.
"What did you give him false hope?" Patrick asked.
"He seemed so miserable I felt like I had to do something." I said. The car was quiet a moment before Patrick asked his next question.
"Do you still love him?" He asked. I thought about it a moment before shaking my head.
"How can you love someone you don't trust?" I said rhetorically.
There was a weird smell near me, it smelled like a guy. I sniffed my shirt and realized it was on me but it wasn't where it was coming from. I looked over to see Patrick snoring away. I leaned over and sniffed him, it was definitely him, it smelled good like cinnamon or something. I smiled as he snored. I tried to get out of the bed without waking him up but he sat straight up in the bed with his glasses on crooked then smiled at me.
"You scared me." He chuckled and fixed his glasses and tried to fix his messy hair. "Do you feel any better?" He asked.
"I feel a lot better, I'm still a bit sad though."
"I have an Idea do you want to go some where?" He said with his eyes brightening a little bit. I shrugged. "Oh come on, you still have a bit before Carla gets off work so we might as well kill some time." He said.
I knew he had something in mind that he wanted to do, and I knew he meant well so I agreed. We put our shoes on and he excitedly pulled me out the door and into his car.
"We're going to this museum its so cool, I've never actually been with anyone else before." He said. His statement kind of made me feel sad for him even though I don't think he even realized what he said. I looked at him and gave him a smile.
-------
Everyday for a week Patrick and Carla were there for me doing what ever they could for me. I hadn't herd from Brendon in all this time but that only sped along my emotional recovery.
I paced my house nervously with thoughts flying through my head like race cars until a car horn outside made me jump. I wondered if I was doing the right thing as I grabbed my bag and headed out to meet Patrick at his car. I got in the passengers seat.
"I'm sorry Carla had to work, I hope me going with you won't be awkward or anything." He said as we left my drive way.
"I don't think it will be, I'm glad your here. I don't think I could do this by myself. Do you think I'm doing the right thing?" I asked.
"Like I said before, its your body... but yeah I do, I guess." He said.
"I don't know if I can go through with this." I felt tears well up in my eyes.
"Don't back out now, I'm here. It will be alright. You'll feel better after its over." He said with a half smile I want sure if he believed that himself or not.
"I'm so scared." I admitted.
"Don't be, I'm sure it won't be so bad." He said.
We pulled up at the doctors office and went in Patrick sat down in one of the waiting room chairs and I got a clipboard of paper work to fill out from the receptionist. It was hard to concentrate on the questions and it took a while to fill out and return to the receptionist. Patrick was bouncing his leg nervously and chewing on his lip he raised his glasses and rubbed my eyes before he noticed me watching him, I probably looked horrified but he gave me his best smile anyway. Finally my name was called and I pouted to Patrick as I got up and this made him get go with me and follow the nurse back into the halls.
"The doctor will be with you soon." The nurse said before closing the door sealing Patrick and I in.
"You didn't have to-" I began
"I wanted to, you need me, I couldn't let you come back here alone." He said nervously. I didn't understand why he was as nervous as me. The door opened and a female doctor walked in.
"Hey guys, I'm doctor Tomlin" she said and shook our hands. "Amy can I have you lay on the bed and lift your shirt up and unbutyin your jeans?" She asked as I did what she told me then hopped up on the doctors office bed.
She messed with some wires and squirted son jell on my stomach. Instantly Patrick was at my side holding my hand.
"Take a look at the screen, your guy's baby should be...there it is." She moved a wand around on my stomach until a little moving bean appeared on the screen. No one corrected her that Patrick wasn't the father but the way he was staring at the screen wide eyed and helped my hand he sure did fit the part.
"It looks like you are about three weeks aaaand...you have a girl." She said. "How are you feeling dad?" She asked looking at Patrick and I began to snicker at the mistake as I looked at him blushing.
"Uh... like I'm having a daughter, I guess." He said dumbfoundedly.
"Here's a few print outs for you two." She said handing me the ultrasound pictures"
We were laughing about the 'daddy' mistake all the way home.
"I mean I can see where she would get that it was my baby, I mean look at this the resemblance is uncanny!" He said and I held up the black and white ultra sound picture of the tiny blurry baby up to him.
"Yup, looks just like you." I laughed.
"Oh man, how do we explain this to Brendon?" He joked but it was the first time I have herd his name since he left, my happiness flattened like a tire.
"I know you don't want to talk about it but I talked to someone and he did check himself in to the psychiatric ward at the hospital." He said.
"Do you think I should go see him." I asked him.
"I think you should unfortunately." Patrick said.
"Can we go?" I asked.
"We can go right now if you want." He said and I nodded.
Patrick held my hand as we walked into the psychiatric wing of the hospital he let ho at the reception desk when I told the lady we were here to see Brendon Urie. We waited for a moment and sat down at one of the many plastic tables with folding chairs. After a minute two guards brought Brendon over to the table. He had stubble on his face and his hair was a mess and he looked kind of out of it. The guards sat him down at the table. Brendan looked at us for a moment.
"Amy" he said sadly.
"I brought you something to see, you can have it when you get out. I slid an ultra sound picture over the table to him and he picked it up and took a good look at it before breaking down.
"Is it a boy or a girl?" He asked with tears freely flowing.
"Girl" I said.
"I didn't think you would come see me, if I were you I wouldn't."
"How are you doing Bren?" Patrick finally spoke.
"Better, just not all the way better. With all the medicine I'm on I never feel angry anymore but I'm still having problems with my mood swings" I looked at Brendon dressed in his matching puke pastel green scrub things and felt bad, I could tell that he was very sad and alone. He saw me looking at him and reached his hand cuffed hands across the table to hold mine. I saw Patrick glance at our hands for a moment but I couldn't read his expression.
"I'm going to do everything in my power to get better for my girls, if you would let me be a dad at the end of this I would be lucky." He said rubbing circles on my hand gently with his thumb.
I slid my hands away from him and put one under the table. I taped Patrick's leg before I spoke.
"Brendon, Patrick and I are together and I love him very much." I said causing Patrick to fidget with his hands but not say anything or look at me. I watched Brendon's reaction carefully, but he just looked devastated, not angry or anything.
"I see." He said sadly and looked down into his lap.
"Please take care of her Patrick, don't treat her like I did." He said.
"I-I would never..I-" Patrick began to stuter nervously and looked to me.
"Brendon, I lied. I lied to see your reaction.I know testing you like this isn't right but I just needed to see." I said.
"I understand, its fine. I'm not mad." He said. "Have you thought of any baby names?" He asked me.
"I thought you could help, your her dad." I said and saw a hint of a smile spread across his face.
"Really? I mean I don't have any good ones right now, I'm going to need some time." He said getting a little exited.
"It's okay, we have some time to think about it." I said."I think were going to go now but I'll be back in a few days. I said and stood up cueing Patrick to stand up too.
As soon as we got into the car Patrick began to ask me questions.
"Do you trust him enough to be with him when he gets out?"
"No, I don't think I do. I don't know if I can trust him ever again, especially not around the baby." I said.
"What did you give him false hope?" Patrick asked.
"He seemed so miserable I felt like I had to do something." I said. The car was quiet a moment before Patrick asked his next question.
"Do you still love him?" He asked. I thought about it a moment before shaking my head.
"How can you love someone you don't trust?" I said rhetorically.
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