Not nearly enough but all he'll ever have.
a KH fic by MEG
for the TEMPS MORT 'Adversaries' challenge
(about, eh, 45 minutes? or so.)
Kingdom Hearts belongs to The Mouse and Squeenix.
This fic belongs to me.
They are not enough like him, they are never enough like him, nothing is ever enough like him, but they are close enough. Close enough so you don't shudder when they crowd around you, like all of them, all the breeds of these shadow-things do. You made them in his image (an idol to worship when your god was not there) and they worship you.
It is almost enough.
You stroke her hair gently, gently, because otherwise you think you will kill her and you cannot kill her because he loves her so much. You think, did he ever love me? and the voices of shadows whisper back, never never not as you loved him.
He forgot you forgot you forgot you forgot you --
Falling into darkness was easy, after all. (a shadow cast by his light no dark without light why do I need you when you don't need me without you I am nothing) It was almost worth it, to see the shock on his face. Did he think that when he tired of his new friends, you would be there, the same as before? No no no, he changed, you changed, because when the light moves the shadows move as well.
You think, you can never catch your shadow.
Even now, even now you are living for him (why why why can't I forget you like you forgot me) pushing him forward pushing him pushing him because that is all you can do, all you can do is make him reach further and further up. He is going to crush you, and you find you don't care.
The shadow things crowd around you, dumb and patient, waiting for your command.
Sometimes you think you will order them to kill him, to bring him to you, but you can never quite make up your mind to do it. The light casts shadows, makes them, destroys them. You are afraid to be too near him, afraid of the light as you are not of the dark.
If he is to be the hero, you will be the villian. You will be a better villian than he is a hero, because you always beat him. You are always better than him.
You sit beside her and talk to her, telling her that you are going mad. She doesn't respond (she never cared for you like she cared for him, he never cared for you as you cared for him, he never cared for you as much as he cared for her, an endless circle) and you talk on, stroking her hair instead of killing her, petting the shadow-things because they are almost enough like him.
I don't hate you, I don't, you tell her, but I was with him before you. It's what you deserve. I can't do anything to you but watch over you because I can't make him sad. Tell him I was sorry. So sorry. Falling is easy after the first step, it's the landing that hurts. He's forgotten us, found new friends, will you be with me? He rejected us so let's stay together. I'm sorry, if I could find your heart I would.
The light hurts your eyes, when you look at him. Sometimes, when you are a little saner, you think it would be nice to stare at him until his light blinded you, and then the last thing you would see would be him.
You should have killed him after he threw the paopu fruit away, you think. That would have made him yours. You could have made him eat it. You could have -- but it's too late now, in this world of shadows you have made for yourself, because you cannot bear the light, cannot stand to be close to him and yet hate to be far away.
The shadows are creeping closer and closer, like you are a magnet. Like they love you.
Mostly, you just want it to end.