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The next night at seven there was no sign of Cassie anywhere. I was home alone seen as Joel was protesting and decided he didn't want to 'breathe the same air as that rich bitch'. Which was fine by me seen as I was too pissed off at the way he was acting to care what he did. I started to think she might have stood me up, that she was just playing with me and that all what Joel had been saying about her was true.
Finally after what seemed like eternity but was probably only a couple of minutes Cassie knocked on the door.
"Hey" I smiled at her and kissed her on the cheek.
"Sorry I'm late it took me longer than I thought to get away from my mother and the dreaded wedding plans." She rolled her eyes then smiled at me. I love it when she smiles at me I get shivers, good shivers.
"It's ok, shall we go?" I said motioning out the door.
"Yeah sure. I really owe Jen big time, she's stuck at home talking about fucking flowers with my mom instead of me. If it wasn't for her I would probably still be stuck there." she laughed. I loved her laugh. It was like music, ok I'm going to stop with these girly metaphors.
"So where are we going?" I asked when we got in her very nice, very expensive car.
"There's this really nice hotel restaurant around here. It's really good and private. I go there a lot."
"Oh really?" I said with raised eye brows. She laughed realising what it sounded like.
"No I mean with family and friends. Not just to fuck guys...I mean... not that I want to fuck y... ok I'm going to shut up now." She laughed.
"It's ok I know what you mean." I smiled.
We had a really nice meal together. I really liked being around her. After the meal we sat in the lobby and talked for a while longer. We got along so well and we had so much in common. I didn't want this night to end and I certainly didn't want this week to end because at the end of this week that's it I can never have her.
I had just got back home after the most amazing night with Benji. I went straight to my room avoiding my mother with more shit about the wedding. The closer this wedding got the more I wanted to avoid it. When I got back to my room Jen was waiting for me.
"So how was it?" she asked smiling.
"Good, really good. I really enjoyed myself." I said.
"If it was that good and you enjoyed your self that much why do you seem so... not happy?"
"Because I really like spending time with Benji and I really want to spend more time with him, lots more time but after Saturday I can't. All I have for entertainment then is William Halloway." I sighed and flopped down on the bed next to her.
"Cas you know what I think about this situation." Jen said seriously.
"I know, I know I don't have to get married and if I was any other normal person that would be great but I'm not. If I don't get married William won't get his knighthood, my father won't get on the board and I, well my life just won't be worth living."
"But if you go through with this will your life be worth living with out love?"
"I don't know but it's something I'll have to sacrifice because it will make everyone else's lives better."
"No one should have to sacrifice their own love to make everyone else better."
"Yeah well I do." I snapped I'd love Jen to do it Jen's way but I can't.
"And how does Benji feel about all of this?" she persisted.
"I don't know."
"Well what if he falls in love with you and you're sacrificing your love to make everyone else's lives better, what about Benji's it won't make his life better."
"He barely knows me he can't possibly like me that much."
"You do why can't it work both ways?"
"I need a shower." I said getting up and going into the bathroom. I can't stand listening to Jen when she lectures me like that. I know she's right but she doesn't understand what it's like for me living in my family.
The next morning Jen was still asleep when I got up. I once again had little sleep that night with all the shit that was going on.
"Cassandra dear I would like to have a word with you." My Aunt Sandra called to me just before I entered the kitchen. I sighed I hoped I would be able to be left in peace today but once again nothing goes how I would like it too.
"Yes Aunt Sandra I'll be with you in just a minute." I smiled then got some breakfast from the kitchen. I couldn't stand Aunt Sandra she's always just so happy it's sickening.
"Ok dear I'll be on the patio." She called to me. When I had got my food I went to join her on the patio.
"Now dear how are you feeling?" she smiled sweetly at me.
"Ok I guess." I sighed.
"Nervous about your big day? Only three days to go now."
"Nervous isn't the word I'd use." I muttered.
"I'm sorry I didn't get that then dear please speak up Ladies don't mutter."
"I said it can't wait." I smiled fakely. She was really starting to piss me off.
"Oh good, William is such a charming young man."
"Yeah I suppose."
"It's 'yes' dear."
"Yes Aunt Sandra." I said holding back my temptation to smash her head against the wall. I swear if she calls me dear one more time...
"Cassie can I see you for a second." Nick called from inside the house.
"Of course you can Nick." I smiled and left Aunt Sandra. Me and Nick have always had an agreement to rescue each other from talks with the family.
"Thank you so much I owe you one." I smiled gratefully at him.
"No problem but you do owe me." He grinned. "So how are you feeling my dear?" He said imitating Aunt Sandra. We both laughed.
"I swear if she calls me dear one more time I really will hurt her." I said.
"Now now Cas you're a Lady." Nick teased. I glared at him. "I'll do the hurting for you." He smiled and I laughed. "So how was your date with that Benji dude?"
"What date, I don't know what your talking about." I said trying to act like I didn't know what he was talking about. No one could know about me and Benji in our family and if Nick knew that probably meant to whole fucking world knew about it.
"Cas trusts me, you can tell me about this I swear I won't grass on you." He said sincerely.
"Nick I swear if you breath a word of this to anyone I will make your life a living hell, you life won't be worth living, I'll make sure you can never have children and that will only be a start." I warned. He laughed at me and I playfully hit him. We got into a play shoving fight. We both fell on the sofa and decided to give up.
"So what's up with you?"
"Yeah sure that's why you're fucking around with some other guy three days before you wedding."
"Nick you know more than anyone how much I don't want to do this wedding."
"So who is this Benji dude?"
"Benji from the band Good Charlotte."
"No shit really." He said shocked then stared laughing hysterically. "Can you imagine the look on mom's face if you brought him home." Nick laughed. I laughed too, he was right mom would flip and probably have a heart attack.
"Nick I'm being serious here..."
"Yeah I know the deal my life, hell not worth living, no kids blah blah blah." He said imitating me. I had used that line on him so many times I was amazed that it still worked. I laughed shaking my head at him.
"So you're going to marry our dear William but see Benji behind everyone's backs?"
"I don't fucking know its killing fucking me." I said stressed out again. I loved being with Nick sometimes because I could forget about anything that was bothering me and just be normal brother and sister messing around.
"Well if it's any help I prefer Benji."
"You've never met him."
"Yeah but anything's better than squeaky clean William." He said making me laughed.
"What ever you do you've got me behind you." he said making me smile. "...to piss you off." He added laughing then ran off predicting his smacking that was coming.
"Nick I'll get you, don't think you've got away with it." I called after him.
I sat there for a second in silence listening to the water fall outside the patio door. 'What the hell am I doing?' I asked myself. I should be happy to be marrying such a good man as William and I did like him. I got along with him. Sure we didn't have much in common and I wasn't attracted to him but he would treat me good, he would treat me right. I tried to convince myself but I thought of Benji for a second and all the regrets came back. I went for a walk around the gardens I was enjoying my peaceful walk when my phone rang.
"Cas everyone's going out doing some wedding shit and I'm going out with my mates, which means you'll have the house to your self for at least three hours." Nick said.
"Ok why are you telling me this?" I said a little confused.
"Just thought I'd let you know you have the house to yourself so you can have your new fancy man round for some dirty..."
"Ok that's enough. Thanks Nick I don't need to hear the rest of that sentence especially from my brother." I put the phone down. I seen all the cars leave the drive way. I thought about calling Benji but then chickened out, it was way to risky getting him to come round to my house but something about it seem so right. Shit I'm getting worse I have to stop being so rebellious. But it's fun to be bad. I laughed at myself being a dork just then my phone rang.
"Benji, I was just thinking about you."
"Yes really. What did you call me for?"
"What where you thinking about me?"
"I asked first." I grinned.
"I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out tonight, I thought you would be here with Jen."
"Wait what Jen's with you?"
"Yeah apparently she and Paul have a little thing for each other." He laughed.
"Really she failed top mention that to me."
"Well I didn't ring to talk about Jen or Paul I rang to talk about you so what do you say?"
"I say how long does it take you to get to mine?"
"I don't know why?"
"Well I'm here all alone and I will be for the next three hours and I..."
"I'll be there in five minutes." Benji said then put the phone down. I laughed then made my way back to the house. It wasn't long before Benji was knocking on the door.
"Fucking hell you said you lived in a house not a castle." He said looking around. I laughed.
"A mansion actually." I corrected then laughed.
"Well I am sorry my Lady." Benji said putting on a posh accent.
"Hey what did I say about the name." I warned.
"I'm sorry Cassie." He joked.
"You better be. So what do you want do?" I asked. I knew what I'd like to do and I could guess a few things that he'd probably want to do too. Wait stop it Cassie stop these ridiculous thoughts I told my self but when I looked at Benji they didn't seem that ridiculous. Shit shit shit Cassie pay attention I cursed my self noticing that he was talking to me.
"Sorry what did you say I zoned for a second then."
"I asked if you where ok, you look kind of tired."
"Yeah I'm fine just not slept properly in a while." I said brushing it off.
"What the excitement of the big day getting to you?" He said it suddenly went quite uncomfortable between us.
"No not excitement more like dread. I'm avoid my wedding, my family, my own mother like the plague." I said. He looked at me for a second. "What?" I smiled.
"Nothing." Benji shuck his head.
"No go on tell me?" I smiled.
"It's nothing." He said I sensed that he really didn't want to tell me, I just looked at him for a second longer then left the subject. I didn't know what to say to break the uncomfortable silence between us, I felt weird everything usually felt so comfortable with him.
"So maybe you could give me a tour of this amazing place?" He smiled at me.
"Sure." I smiled glad to be out of the uncomfortable silence. I shown him round our historical mansion, he seemed really interested and enjoying it which I didn't really understand but whatever it didn't matter because we where back to our old selves.
"And finally my room." I said opening the door to my room.
"Wow it's a really nice room."
"Thank you." I smiled. He went over to my bed. "This looks like a comfy bed."
"It is." I laughed.
"You mind?" he said.
"No go ahead." I laughed next minute he lay flat out on my bed.
"Wow this is a really nice bed."
"I know." I smiled going over to the side of the bed standing over his head looking at him. He reached out grabbed my hand and pulled me down next to him. We looked into each others eyes for a second then broke into a kiss lust taking over us. An hour later and a few make-out sessions and some hot sex later we where lay my bed, in my house, next to each other when it finally hit me what I had just done. What was I thinking I was getting married in three days I can't be doing this now.
"Oh my god what have I done." I said in a daze.
"I never had that reaction before." Benji laughed.
"Not funny." I smiled at him. "I'm being serious this is wrong."
"But it felt so right."
"Yeah but seriously I'm getting married in three days."
"So I've heard." Benji muttered I could tell he was getting a little pissed off. "I'll go." He said getting up and getting dressed.
"No Benji I..."
"Your getting married I understand." He said then went to walk out the door. It killed me seeing how much I was hurting him. It was hurting me too.
"Benji..." I said pulling him back to me. We where inches apart. "I really do like you and if I could change all this shit I would do in a heartbeat." I said then kissed him with all the passion and love I was feeling for him to let him know how much I did feel for him. When we broke apart he looked at me, I couldn't tell what he was thinking he didn't seem mad, angry or hurt. Then he left. I went and lay on my bed and ended up falling to sleep in seconds. I dreamt about the wedding but instead of me marrying William I was marrying Benji and it was the happiest day of my life.