Watari finally perfects his genderchange potion! Oh frabjous day! Except, you know, not. Written for fuda_100's AU challenge. Contains unrepentant fluff, sexual references, and genderswap!het.
Reading that first is necessary for comprehension. Each drabble is exactly 100 words, at least according to NoteTab.
Dedicated to: MC, who should get credit for a line or two in this fic. I blame it all on /you/.
And On the Seventh Day...
(Or, How to Bed an Empath Without Risking an Unpleasant Amputation)
Everything was perfect: the restaurant, the babbled denial that he was bringing Hisoka on a date, the hotel room, the bed.
"I, I just want you to know..."
"I, um, /oh/."
Tsuzuki tried to maintain eye contact, against overwhelming odds. Hisoka's fingers sliding past his waistband were awfully distracting, and as for the discovery that Hisoka had /nipples/...
Danger! Mind blanking out!
"I'llstillrespectyouinthemorning!" he blurted out.
Underneath him, Hisoka stiffened.
"Get /out/," she growled.
"So I'm a girl now, am I? You /bastard/."
"But Hisoka, you are a girl--"
Hisoka's kick sent Tsuzuki tumbling off the bed.
"I don't get it," Tsuzuki wailed, clutching his hot chocolate like a talisman.
Watari looked around desperately at the empty cafeteria. An explosion, a rampaging demon, an angry Tatsumi waving an expense report -- /anything, oh dear god please/.
"Just because I'm female now, it doesn't mean I'm interested in your love life," she said.
Tsuzuki's eyes shimmered.
"/Fine/, be that way," Watari muttered. "Look, you know Bon has issues with being helpless."
"But I wasn't--"
"No, you treated him like a girl. Think of most of the women you've known, er, on the job."
"Next time, ask Konoe-kachou."
Tsuzuki was careful not to try jamming the door with his foot. Anyone else would stop short of grinding his bones into pulp, but this was Hisoka.
"I'm really, really sorry. Please?"
Her cold stare thawed, a little. He pressed his advantage.
"I didn't mean to make you feel, uh, that way. I just. I really like you, Hisoka. I'd say the same thing even if you're still a guy, because I do. Respect you in the morning, I mean."
Tsuzuki smiled at her helplessly, adoringly. She sighed, defeated, and opened the door wider.
"Come in before you freeze."
"I can't," Hisoka moaned, hips shifting on Tsuzuki's lap. Her hand fisted in Tsuzuki's hair, pulling his head down.
He nuzzled her neck and licked her skin, tasting salty sweat. They'd lost their pants but were still clothed in their shirts, and Tsuzuki was glad for this. Hisoka's shirt hid what his hand and her hand were doing, and if he couldn't see he wouldn't /think/, at least not very hard.
Such as, oh, the fact his sister was the only woman he'd seen naked, ever.
Hisoka's fingers abruptly stilled. She twisted around, wide-eyed.
... I am an idiot.
Konoe doted on her staff like a fa--mother. It didn't mean, however, that she wanted to be their parent. Been there, done that, put an arrow through the sleazebag who ruined her daughter.
"... and I don't know what to do!" Tsuzuki stared pleadingly at her, all hopeless confusion and trusting eyes.
"You need better lines of communication," she said, vaguely remembering the demonic self-help book she had to deal with once.
"Have you tried asking Wakaba for advice? Or Yuma and Saya?" Konoe offered, interested despite her better judgement.
Tsuzuki looked horrified. "Hisoka would kill me."
It was Hisoka, in the end, who fixed everything.
"Why didn't you ask me what I want?" she demanded.
"It... never occurred to me?"
"Or you were just afraid you couldn't be what I want." Her eyes shot through him, and Tsuzuki had to look away. "I'm still me, Tsuzuki. The important things haven't changed."
"Okay." He risked a grin. "You know, being a girl isn't all bad."
"You're not the one who woke up with breasts," Hisoka grumbled.
"So, uh, Watari gave me this book..."
Twenty minutes later, Hisoka closed the book and cleared her throat.
"Page 65," she said.
"What page are we on?" Tsuzuki croaked out, only half-awake.
"I don't know." Hisoka sounded utterly exhausted. She batted his head in a gesture that was probably meant as a pat. "Does it matter?"
"No." He tried to gather what was left of his brain cells. "I want to sleep for a /week/."
"Tatsumi will kill us if we don't show up."
"Can't we throw the book at him?"
"... sure. Let me do it. I have better aim."
Tsuzuki smiled drowsily, admiring the strands of gold in Hisoka's hair. "That was really, really good."
"Shut up and go to sleep."