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Categories > Games > Final Fantasy X

In Between Memories

Lulu remembered the rare moment spent with the legendary guardian as she attempted to trace the paths they had walked.

Category: Final Fantasy X - Rating: G - Genres: Drama, Romance - Characters: Auron, Lulu - Warnings: [!!!] - Published: 2006/09/25 - Updated: 2006/09/25 - 694 words - Complete

Reviews

• In Between Memories

  (#) helluin 2006-10-21 02:32:02 PM

  Ack, I thought I'd reviewed this! O.o It's lovely and soothing, yet again. I like the extremely quiet and natural way they come together... it's really a bit more plausible than the "leap and screw" type of story.English fixes: "explore her" isn't quite the write phrase; it sounds very physical. "interrogate her" might work better, or change it to "explore her secrets" or some other thing so it doesn't sound sexual. The melancholy but not drowning-in-angst pilgrimage that Lulu makes is very well done, and the pyrefly at the end captures the whole essence of the piece: small, subtle, poignant.
  "with reasons being other than" --> "for reasons other than"
  period/new sentence after "respecting the woman", or just make it a ;
  "the greatest legendary guardian" or "the greatest OF legendary guardians"
  "could only happened" --> "could only happen"
  "despite of him being" --> "despite his being"
  "reliving every moments" -- "reliving all the moments" or just drop "every", which is singular, strangely enough
  "she would remembered " --> would remember [[this is a quirk of English that has been tricking you: when using "was" "would" "could" or "had" + another verb, the first word shows the time/tense, the second word only shows the meaning. The second word therefore doesn't have the -ed at the end.]]
  "trying to find him back" feels a bit awkward. "call him back"?

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