Muther Fuckerss I do what I please.
I checked myself in the mirror one more time, turning to the side. Being half happy with myself would have to do, otherwise I'd be dragged out by my hair in about five seconds. My outfit consisted of an old elementary school t-shirt and a pair of faded old jeans. Simple, and not looking as if I had tried to look good. I dumped some make-up into my fashionably over size brown bag and pulled it on my shoulder, grabbing a light jacket, heading out behind Syd and out to her white SUV that she had left running.
Climbing in the passengers seat, I took in the familiar smell of old smoke and coconut lotion. I pulled down the mirror, checking my make-up, but Sydney reached over and closed it with an aggravated sigh.
"Stop. You look fine." I smiled at her cheekily, to ease her frustration towards me. "I'd tell you if you looked bad."
I nodded. Still not sure.
"I hope you would."
She eyed me for a second, but turned back to the road.
"I missed you, you quitter!" She suddenly said, breaking the ice between us, playfully pushing me. "You missed Fleur yelling at some random kid for throwing shit at the booth. It was great."
I laughed, imagining the little Fleur yelling at someone. "What else did I miss?"
She let out an um, thinking what I had missed in my two weeks of absence. "We played hide all of Patrick's hats. Man is Trick's hairline residing..." we chorused in laughter, "Then Evie hid Pete's phone for a day. He freaked out. I swear..."
She laughed but herself this time. I smiled, but didn't really mean anything out of it. I looked out the window as we turned onto the main streets. I propped my elbow on the side of car window, staring out at shadows casted by the setting sun.
"How is he," I mumbled after awhile, my gaze still on outside of the window.
She snorted. "Emo," I turned to look at her, "he's just really moody. All he does is complain, and blog off his stupid sidekick. It's like he's on his man period or something."
Sounded like typical Pete.
"I'd almost feel bad for him if it wasn't for his smart ass remarks whenever I'd try to talk to him."
"You tried to talk to... Pete? Am I still talking to the same Sydney?" I looked at her, bewildered. Sydney trying to make conversation with Pete would be like a zebra without stripes. Weird.
"I got sick of him just sitting around moping after three days. So I tried. That's the last time I do charity work."
"What did he say?" I said after another laugh.
Sydney turned a corner quickly, making the tires of the car squeal. "That he missed you."
I chewed at the insides of my cheeks, rubbing my nose. Remembering the calls he'd make around the same time at eleven, and my temptations to answer, but I didn't. Then the calls just stopped coming all together after the first week. Maybe it wasn't too late to talk my way out and go back home.
"I don't feel good," I said suddenly.
"We're half way there already! I'm not turning around. Do you know how much gas money is now?" She somewhat yelled. I cringed. "I told Patrick that if I went to get you, he had to be 100 percent sure that you wouldn't pull something like this."
I hated Patrick.
"Whatever," I mumbled, and looked back out the window, the sun now fully set, and the streets illuminated by streetlights.
A few minutes went by without the exchanging of words. The radio hummed quietly, not making it completely silent and awkward.
You fake yourself from everyone.
And you cry yourself to sleep.
I reached over and skipped the song that was heavy and scream filled. Sydney eyed me again, more worried than aggravated this time. I sighed, and looked back out the window.
"I hate to admit it," Sydney began, "but it seems like you miss him as much as he misses you."
I looked at her, trying to cover up my emotions with a surprised face, but I knew better than to hide things from her. My eyes felt droopy. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to say I didn't miss him. But I couldn't bring myself to say it in defense. Syd shook her head, disappointed.
"I can't believe you sometimes Aaryn," I looked away again, longing for my bed. "Really. I can't."
Truth was, I couldn't either. I immediately regretted to agreeing to go to the show. Hell, I wasn't even at the venue yet, and I regretted it.
"If you really want to go home, I'll take you."
I nodded. "I really do," I whispered.
Sydney sighed one more time before turning the car around. The rest of the car ride was silent.
I walked up my porch, dragging my feet as Sydney's car headlights disappeared. The cool early breeze of October pressed against my face. I stepped inside the dark house, dropping my bag on a chair that sat by the door, not bothering to turn on the lights.
I slugged up the stairs, peeling my jacket off, almost tripping over the last stair. Turning on the hallway light, I went to my room, shutting the door behind me. Pulling my hair into a messy ponytail, I plopped onto my bed, that grunted?
I fell to the floor with an oomph, but stood up quickly and stumbled to my floor lamp to reveal what had made my bed make such a noise.
I gasped. Backing into a wall.
Pete's eyes were wide and sleep deprived as he sat up on my messy bed that had messy bed head to match. One of his jean legs were pulled up, and his shirt was wrinkled. He must've been here for longer than half an hour. He held one hand out, as if in defense, and another to shield his eyes from the sudden light.
"How..." I stopped, still shocked. "How did you get in here Pete?" I looked around. My room wasn't the easiest place to get in. I had no trees to get in by my room, and my window was pretty much impossible to open without a crowbar.
"Key under your doormat."
I mentally slapped my forehead. I really had to change where I hid my spare keys. Pete got up, pulling at the hem of his shirt, pulling the wrinkles out, then looking at me. I was still in shock that he was standing in my room. Of all places, my room. He sighed and headed towards the door, mumbling something I couldn't make-out.
"Where are you going?" He looked up questionably at me. What was I doing?
"I'm obviously not welcome here," he said, turning away from the door. "Aren't I?"
I moved away from the wall, and sat down on my bed. "I'm not sure..." I looked down at the floor, but looked up as I felt his body sit next to mine, the bed indenting. "Aren't you supposed to be playing a show?"
He bobbled his head a bit before looking at me again, those pools of brown that used to be filled with lust, but now just looked lost.
"I had to go home."
I looked away again, standing up and moving away from him. I went to my dresser and started to put away folded clothes that I never really put away... ever. I could see him in the corner of my eye stand up and walk over to my bulletin board. He let out a muffled laugh, pulling a picture away from the board and examining it closer. I turned around, raising an eyebrow at him and looking what he was looking at. I rolled my eyes at the old picture of the beginning of Fall Out Boy. Patrick in a sweater vest, Pete faking a frown, Joe throwing up C's for Chicago, and Andy smiling innocently, in front of their van. Those were the days.
"My hair looked so bad," he laughed, still looking at the picture.
"What makes you think your hair has gotten any better?" He furrowed his eyebrows at me, letting the picture go.
"You cut it," he defended.
There was a silence. I had millions of comebacks, but I didn't feel like saying them. This situation happened too many times, leading to too many different scenarios. All we ever did was argue and being two weeks apart, didn't change a thing. Not like I expected much of change really... kind of.
"Why are you here?" I asked, shifting uncomfortably.
"I miss you," he said simply, taking a step towards me.
I sighed. Turning away from him and back to my dresser. I felt his arms wrap around my waist from my back, I wanted to lean back on them, and let myself fall, but I pushed them away. He let go, sighing. "Don't," I whispered.
I felt his lips against my neck, his breath pressing against my ear. "I need you Aaryn."
/We're over/. I shut my eyes, trying to fight my urges.
I felt his arms wrap around me again, this time I didn't push them away, but I places my arms over his. What was I doing... was all I could think, but I knew exactly what I was doing. Giving in. His lips kissed my neck softly, making me bite my lip. He knew what he was doing. My eyes halfway closed as I felt another kiss against my neck.
"Pete..." I tried to stop, but my body wanted this bad. My heart throbbed. I turned to face him. "Pete," I said more sternly. He dropped his hands, and stepped back.
"Stop apologizing!" I yelled.
"Sor-" He stopped mid-sentence. "Okay."
I pushed away from him and headed to my bathroom, stopping in the doorway and turning to look at him.
"What do you want Peter?" I said a little more annoyed.
He headed towards the bedroom door. "I just wanted to see you okay?" He walked out into the hallway. I hesitated at first, but followed him, to catch him standing at the top of the stairs, looking as if he was debating whether to go down or not. "I miss you okay?" He muttered, and stepped away from the staircase and came towards me, his eyes looking as if he were about to cry. "I need you OKAY?" He yelled.
I clenched my fists tightly. "Don't yell at me like I did something wrong OKAY?" I mocked. He opened his mouth, forming an 's' word. "Don't say sorry."
I walked over to him, barely inches away, staring up directly into his eyes. "What do you want from me? To fall to my knees and tell you how much I've been missing you?"
"No," he seemed angry, which somewhat, made my urges worse, "I just want another chance." His breath pressed against my face, reminding me of how close we were. His eyes lowered. "Is that so much to ask for Aaryn?"
His eyes looked up at me again, but softer this time. I bit my lip again. I missed his face. I missed /him/.
Before he could finish his sentence I pushed my lips against his, making him mumble the rest of his sentence and our lips smacking together hard. I felt him tense up for a second, but I felt his arms grip my waist tightly. I moved my hands to his face, framing it between them, pulling him deeper in the kiss.
We pulled apart, gasping for air. I gave in. I looked away, ashamed of my weakness, but it felt right. His fingertips on the side of my face, pulling me into another kiss, this time more lustfully, our tongues slipping inside each others mouths. I sighed against the kiss as I felt his hands slip under my shirt and push me back into the room. He directed me to the bed, my body under his control, and I was letting him. We broke apart, and I pulled my shirt off, as did he, then back into another kiss and he gently set me down on the bed.
Getting hotter, I moaned as his kisses trailed down my neck to my chest. I inhaled sharply as his fingertips lingered at the top of my pants.
"I love you."
He ceased, and looked up at me, surprised. I stared at him confused. He quickly got off, and I sat up as he pulled on his shirt.
"Pete?" I asked, but he shook his head.
"I..." he stopped and pulled his head through his shirt and then through his sleeves. "I don't deserve another chance."
I stared at him in disbelieve. This wasn't what I had expected. I got off the bed, and he walked away from me, shaking his head, cursing.
"I miss you more than anything," I said, touching his arm softly. "And I want to be with you Pete. I want to fix this."
He turned to me. "And I want to fix this too..."
"Then what's stopping it?"
He took hold of both of my hands, staring into my eyes, this time hurt and confused.
I shook my head. I didn't understand. I was handing him another chance and he was going to let it go?
He dropped my hands. "I won't be able to live with myself if I hurt you again Aaryn."
My mouth dropped slightly. For a second I thought things were going to be okay, but just my bad luck, they didn't turn out the way I planned, just like every other time.
"I want this too. But I can't. If I hurt you... If I make you cry again... God Aaryn."
He turned away from me, I wanted to stop him, but he spoke, stopping me.
"I have to say good-bye." His voice cracked, and his hand reached up to his face. "Good-bye...Aaryn," he choked on my name. I felt my insides collapse. I throw myself at him, begging him to take another chance. He walked out, and I watched him walk down the stairs. I clenched my hands tightly again, balling them into fists.
"I don't understand you Pete!" I yelled at him angrily, but he continued to descend the stairs. A tear fell down my face. "I don't," I whispered.
I slammed my door, as I heard the front door close. Slowly I crawled into my bed. I didn't understand him. I screamed into my pillow in frustration. I wasn't good enough for a another chance. I looked up, tears falling down my face once more. He wasn't good enough for another chance.
Walking over to my window, I saw headlights and heard a car start. I watched the car disappear down the dark street. I hit the window, making it shake with a loud thud.
"Good-bye..." as the words slipped out, I felt hollow, and I knew, that this time, this was the real end.
It was really over...
Note: Take these words as you want. =]
So you say that youre leaving but what are your reasons?
I'm desperate and ashamed.
So go find your answers to get you home faster
I know youll find your way.