Categories > Original > Sci-Fi > Chronique of Rebirth
Chronique of Rebirth
2 Reviews"What if you where that rat who was an object of experience? What will you do?" That's...not the story but...it's kind of...it? xD I really suck in summery(I was trying to make it short ;__;) I ...
Reviews
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Chronique of Rebirth
(#) Bitter-Irony 2006-10-18 02:01:08 PM
Great opening, both the chapter as a whole and the first paragraph. It really dropped us right in the middle of the action, with a unique character and interesting setting.
There were a few grammar errors, mostly lack of coma. "That's my question[,] too", etc.
Another thing I noticed was a seeming logical falicy. "Then he showed me up two of his "hands", I bowed my head on the side, for an unknown reason." If the character doesn't know what "hands" are, how does he know what a "head" is? How does he know what "sky" and "man" and "wet" are?
Nice cliff-hanger at the end!
Keep up the good work, Arisu-Chan!
~Bitter Irony -
Chronique of Rebirth
(#) Redsliver 2006-11-01 06:40:32 AM
very well done, I like the confusion of the experimentee. I like his perplexed reaction to his own hand, however he recognised man from woman and young from old, it seemed odd that he hadn't recognised a hand, unless I misinterpreted the scenario and he simply didn't recognise it as his own hand.
I only noticed one spelling mistake, planed where you meant planned.