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The next day I was working in the shop, alone. It had been busy before but was quietening down a bit now. I was sat at the counter flipping through a magazine when my phone rang.
"Kel, are you doing anything tonight?" came Tony's excited voice.
"Erm well I was..."
"Good your free party tonight you've gotta come."
"Kel please come, you've got to come."
"I'd love to but I just don't think it's a good idea."
"Why not?" I could almost see the pout on his face.
"Because Benj and Joel will be there and it'll just be weird with all what's been going on lately."
"Oh ignore the freaky twins please come I'll owe you one big time and besides maybe you guys will be able to sort things out."
"I doubt that but I will come for a little while." I gave in, I don't know why but that man can persuade me to do almost anything.
"Great! love ya see you later." He laughed.
"Ok see later." I laughed then put the phone down.
Just before I closed the shop and went upstairs to get ready for he party Ashley came in.
"Ash what are you doing here?" I smiled at her as I went to lock the shop door.
"Well considering how you treated my baby yesterday I don't really thing I should be talking to you but I'm still your best friend and I've not seen you in ages so I thought I come by for a while." She smiled at me.
"I'm sorry about that I didn't mean to be that harsh but I'm really fucked off with them two at the moment. You don't know what's wrong do you?" I asked, she was Joel's girlfriend after all.
"Sorry babe can't help you there I do know there's something going on with Benj but neither of them are telling me anything."
"Figures." I muttered disappointedly.
"So you going to Tony's party tonight?" Ash said changing the subject.
"Yeah I said I'd pop by for a little bit."
"Oh good I brought all my stuff with me so we can get ready together." She smiled proudly making me laugh.
We got ready for the party girly talking and gossiping when we where ready we left for the party in Ashley's. When we got to the party it wasn't long before Ash found Joel and they disappeared off together. I danced with Tony for a while and talked to a few people I knew. After about an hour or two I went and sat at the bar getting a drink. A couple of guys came up to me trying to chat me up but for once I wasn't in to mood for any male attention. All that was on my mind was Benji and Joel, mainly Benji seen as that's where the main problem was. I was minding my own business putting my best fuck off and leave me alone look sat at the bar when someone came up behind me.
"I bet your loving all this fucking attention." I heard the person whisper bitterly in my ear. I recognised the voice as Benji. I turned round to face him.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I said shocked at the way he's acting; he's never EVER been anything like this with me.
"Exactly what it sounds like." Benji said coldly then walked out the back door of the club. I can't lie he was really hurting me knowing there was something wrong but not knowing what it was. I got up and followed him. When I got out side it was thunder storming, with in seconds I was soaking wet. I managed to catch Benji at his car just as he was getting his keys to his car out of his pocket. I grabbed his arm and pulled the keys out of his hand.
"GIVE ME THE KEYS." He said angrily.
"NO" I said simply.
"JUST GIVE ME THE KEYS AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE." His anger building.
"NO." I said pulling the keys behind my back and stepping out of his reach.
"Kel." He said looking more sad than angry now.
"Ok deal I'll give you the keys and leave you alone when you tell me what your problem is."
"Well I'm not going anywhere." I smirked.
"Kelly don't be like this."
"Well you don't be like this." I snapped back.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Yes you do and so does everyone else just tell me what your fucking problem is with me and I'll go you never have to see me again just tell me please."
"FINE! I like you."
"I like you too Benj." I said not getting how he really meant it.
"No I really like you." he said. I looked at him confused I got what he meant but it just didn't register. "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU OK HAPPY NOW! Give me my keys then I can go." He said stepping forward for his keys. I stepped back not letting him have the keys. He sighed. "I told you now give me my Keys." He said looking hurt I just stared at him in shock.
"Benj I..." I really didn't know what to say.
"I know you don't like me like that and I've just ruined our friendship by telling you which is exactly why I didn't want to tell you." he sighed stepping forward in a half assed motion to get his keys off me but I pulled them out of his reach once again.
"No Benj I... I think we need to talk about this." I said seriously.
"No we don't just give me the keys so I can go and we can forget this ever happened."
"No." I said simply. He finally realised that I wasn't about to just let him leave after his outburst.
"Fine give me the keys and we can go somewhere where it's not chucking buckets." He said, I think it was the first time either of us noticed how badly it was raining and how much we where soaked. I finally let him take the keys off me and I got in the passenger side of his car. After driving in silence for about ten minutes with the heating turned on fully he broke the silence.
"Where are we going?" he said quietly not taking his eyes off the empty road.
"I don't mind. My place is closer if you want to go there." I suggested he shrugged and turned down the street to my place. Five minutes later we pulled up outside my place. He turned the car off and took the keys out of the ignition. I sat watching him just thinking. He looked at me for a brief second them unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car, I followed his actions. I started walking towards my apartment while he locked the car and followed me. When we got into my apartment I went and got changed quickly. He waited in the hall way looking nervous and uncomfortable.
"Here." I said handing him a towel and some of his clothes that had been left here from a while ago.
"Thanks." He smiled faintly taking them off me and heading to the bathroom.
"I think the boxers might be Joel's but no change there." I smiled at him. He looked at them and gave a little laugh.
A few minutes later he came out of the bathroom dried off and I handed him a cup of coffee.
"thanks." He smiled.
"Come on." I said motioning for us to go sit down in the living room. I started walking into the living room and he followed me. We sat on the sofa at opposite ends.
"So you wanted to talk." He stated.
"Yeah, don't you?"
"No there's nothing to talk about I have feeling for you but you don't returned them end of."
"No Benji it's not that simple..."
"Yes it is your just trying to complicate things."
"I can honestly say that I'm not trying to complicate things. Benji I had no idea you had these feelings for me. Why didn't you say something before letting it get this far?"
"Because it would end up like this when ever I told you so by not telling you we could have avoided all of this."
"Benj bottling everything up is not the answer."
"Well now you know nothings bottled up just leave it."
"Why?" I sighed.
"Because you've told me that you have these feelings for me. I always thought that you just thought of me as a friend nothing more and I never questioned that or my feelings towards you other than friendship, but now I don't know it's just confused me."
"What's confused you? You don't like me like that."
"How do you know if I don't like you like that if I don't know if I like you like that."
"What are you trying to say?"
"I don't know."
"Fucking hell Kelly you don't half give me a head ache sometimes." He sighed lightening the mood a little.
"I give my self headaches too." I laughed a little making him smile. We went quiet for a second.
"Ok serious Kelly how do you feel because I don't want you to be giving me the wrong message or false hopes."
"I honestly don't know I always though of you as a friend, I never really questioned that. I mean I do really like you, I find you attractive and I couldn't imagine life not being with you but I never really thought about you in a relationship way before."
"But now?" he said with a glint of hope.
"I don't know I think possibly there could be something but that's not the point..."
"What is the point then?" he said a little agitated.
"The point is that we're both at different points in our life..."
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked confused.
"It means you want stability on your life, your ready to settle down and have a family. I'm not I've never had a serious relationship and never really wanted one, I like my freedom to just go out and do what I want without being tied down."
"You think I'd tie you down?" he said quietly a little hurt.
"No I didn't mean it like that... it's just Benj me and relationships don't go well, actually they don't go at all. I hurt guys I make it clear I don't want a serious relationship and they agree but in the end they always want more from me, more that I'm not ready to give and they end up heartbroken. I just don't want you to turn out like one of them."
"Kelly you wouldn't..."
"I would Benj I wouldn't mean to but in the end I will break your heart and you'll hate me and I don't want us to end up like that."
"You what your saying is you think there's a possibility that we could have a relationship but you don't want us to have a serious relationship because you'll break my heart?"
"Exactly." I said he nodded; looking down deep in thought. Then he looked up at me and before I knew it he'd pressed his lips to mine. I push him off me a little.
"You say you have feelings for me but you don't want a serious relationship so let's keep it casual." He said leaning forward to kiss me again but I moved back and he looked confused and a little hurt.
"Benji you don't mean that. That's not what you want."
"I want you and if that means like this then that is what I want."
"Well it's not what I want." I said looking into his eyes he didn't want just sex he wanted a relationship he was just pretending that this was what he wanted. He looked at me confused.
"Benj I think you should go home and I'll see you tomorrow, as friends." I said standing up. He looked at me hurt but also annoyed.
"Fine have it you way." he said coldly then shown him self out.
I sighed he wanted things from me that I have never wanted well not yet anyway. He wanted stability, a long term relationship. I wanted fun I wanted to go out meet a guy have fun and move on. Well that what I thought I wanted I never really gave a serious relationship a thought but now... now I'm not too sure. I mean when I think about Scott and all the other guys I've been with it's just fun having a laugh not strings attached but when I think about Benji I do think about a relationship there's now way I could ever be with Benji then move on, I know that for sure. Now I'm really confused I've never gave settling down a second thought but now that's all that's on my mind. I decide to go to bed and get some sleep; everything will be alright in the morning.
How wrong was I. I got up the next morning with having less than three hours sleep. I couldn't sleep, all what had happened the night before was on my mind. I couldn't help but keep thinking about the possibility of have a relationship with Benji. It's so wired because I've never thought about having a relationship with anyone. May it was because I've never found the right guy. Maybe Benji was the right guy. Maybe Benji was the guy to make me see and realise what there really is in life other than partying and one night stands. This was all getting too much I decided I need to talk to someone. I rang Ashley's mobile but it wasn't Ashley who answered.
"Joel? Did I ring the wrong number?" I said confused.
"Hi Kel no you rang the right number it's Ashley's phone she left it at the club last night when she left so I brought it home for her."
"Kel are you ok?"
"Yeah I just needed to talk to someone."
"Well you can talk to me."
"What? No I really don't think so."
"Why not I'm bored I'm on my own Benj only got in after I went to be and left early this morning before I got up. I don't know what's wrong with him. Please come I'm home alone and I'm bored." He sounded like a child.
"Fine I'm on my way." I sighed.
"Good, I'll put the kettle on." He laughed.
It wasn't long before I was knocking on Joel's door.
"Hey" he smiled when he saw me and stepped to the side to let me in.
"Joel why do you want me here?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Because I was a bitch to you the other day. Which reminds me I'm so sorry for being a bitch to you the other day and for throwing you out." I said.
"Apology accepted. There we go now you have every right to be here and seen as you wanted someone to talk to, you can talk to Me." he grinned.
"Ok Joel what's going on?" I could see straight through this happy mood he was putting on.
"Nothing. Nothings wrong." He lied. Joel was such a bad liar.
"Joel your such a bad liar."
"Ok I'll tell you what wrong with me if you'll tell me what's wrong with you."
"I can't do that."
"Why can't you tell me?" he pouted. "You usually tell me everything."
"Yeah but this is something I need to discuss with Ashley, where is she by the way? How come she left the party before you I thought you two where spending the night together?" I asked Joel suddenly looked away form me.
"Joel what's wrong? Did something happen between you and Ash?"
"I don't want to talk about it." He wouldn't look at me but I could he was upset. I walked over to him and put an arm around him.
"Joel you can tell me." I said softly, he shuck his head 'no' "Ok well how about if you tell me about you and Ashley I'll tell you what I needed to talk to Ashley about." He shuck his head 'no' again. "Joel it's about me and Benji." I said. He suddenly looked up at me surprised and shocked through his sadness.
"What's going on between you and Benj?" he asked. I smiled.
"You'll have to tell me about you and Ash first."
"Fine, come on." He sighed then walked into the kitchen and I followed him. "Want a drink?"
"Yeah sure I'll have what ever your having." I smiled. He made the drinks with some help from me then we went and sat in the living room.
"Right go one spill lets have a fucked up counselling session." I laughed and nudged him lightening the mood a little. He gave a little laugh. "Ok seriously Joel what's up?"
"It's nothing we just had a little argument."
"A little argument you have little arguments all the time, tell me the truth Joel."
"Ok well we where at the club it was after you and Benji had disappeared. We where having a good time just hanging out like usual but there was this guy checking her out. It didn't really bother me well that was until she started being all flirty towards him..."
"What! She was flirting with some other guys right in front of you? It's not like her."
"I know but she was pissed she was completely off her head." he explained. I knew what Ash was like when she was pissed but still that was out of order. "I said to her maybe we should go because she was pissed but she wasn't having any of it she started giving me a mouth full about me being 'jealous that she could have any guy she wanted but was stuck with me'..."
"She actually said that?" I said shocked I felt so bad for Joel.
"Yeah, but she was pissed I've never seen her that off her head ever."
"I know but that's no excuse."
"Well anyway she ended up storming off, the next thing I knew she was leaving the club with that guy."
"Joel I'm so sorry." I said looking at him sympathetically. He shuck his head.
"It's not your fault."
"I know but that's fucked up I don't know what's got into her."
"No me neither. I've not seen or spoke to her since. So anyway now I've told you about my problems you gotta dish the dirt on you and Benj." He smiled at me. I gave him all the details of what had happened the night before and how I was feeling about Benji now and all what has been bothering me.
"So now you think you want to have a relationship with Benj?"
"I don't know I've never thought about settling down with anyone that I've been with nor have I wanted to. I've never even thought about Benji in that way before but now after hearing how he feels, I don't know I guess I'm having second thoughts and that's not something I do. Joel I don't have second thoughts, I don't second guess anything but now... now Benji's just fucked me up. I don't know what I want anymore. Now I'm actually considering having a serious relationship... with Benji. That's just so weird for me and scary. I don't think you can even imagine how scary the thought of settling down is to me."
"Kel when you find the right person settling down and having a serious relationship will come naturally to you. It won't be weird or scary. If the thought of settling down with Benji is scary then it's not right."
"That's the thing settling down with Benji seems so right but that's what's scaring me. I'm scaring my self having these thoughts not having them about Benji but the whole fact that I'm feeling like this."
"Aw our Kelly's growing up." Joel laughed.
"Joel this is not funny." I said but couldn't help laughing too.
"Yeah well why are you laughing?" he said though his laughter.
"It's my problem I'm allowed to laugh."
"No seriously Kelly does you like Benji?"
"Do you have feelings for Benj other than friendship?"
"Do you want to have a serious relationship with him?"
"Yeah I think so, maybe."
"Kelly what is it?"
"Yes I do want a relationship with him."
"There you go. I think you need to talk to our dear Benji."
"Ok see there might be problem there because last night when I was telling him I didn't was serious relationships I just want something casual he took it the wrong way and kissed me but I stopped him. He was confused and pissed off. He said why I was stopping him when it was what I wanted but I told him it wasn't what he wanted and so it wasn't what I wanted and he got more pissed off."
"Ok well I still think you need to talk to him, feelings like his for you don't go away over night."
"Your right I will talk to..." before I managed to finish my sentence Benji walked into the room. "...Him." I said quietly as me and Joel both turned to look at Benji. Benji froze in the door way looking at me.
"Ok I'm going to leave you two alone." Joel said getting up and walking out of the room. When he got to Benji he pushed him further into the room and whispered 'talk to her' to him.
"Benji I have some stuff I need to tell you." I said. He looked confused but nodded and sat down next to me anyway.
"Ok first off I'm sorry if I hurt you at all last night. Second I've been thinking a lot about what we talked about last night actually it's the only thing I've been able to think about. When you told me how you really felt last night it shocked me and confused me. I suddenly got feelings I have never felt before, I started second guessing things and questioning things that I've always been so sure off. It all confused me and that's why I acted so... like I did. But I've had time to think about things and I've also talked about things and now I'm clear and know what I really want. I want you Benji. That's if you'll have me?" I smiled at him, he still looked confused.
"So... wait a minute what are you saying?... are you trying to tell me that you..." he said a smile growing on his face.
"Benji I've thought about what I truly want and I want to settle down. I don't want to party night after night with guy after guy I want to be with you. Its scares the shit out of me but I want to have a relationship with you. If you'll have me?"
"I will... I can't believe... your serious right?" he said unable to believe what I was saying.
"Yes I'm serious." I smiled. Before I knew it he was kissing me and I was kissing him back.