To My Favourite Scar..
and he swears that he loves you with all of his heart but everytime he walks out that door you know it's going to be a different excuse when he comes home. as sad as it is you've learned to deal with this like this and each time it hurts a little less. you're fighting a losing battle between your morals and your ethics, knowing well enough that you should be treated with at least a decent amount of respect. no matter how many times that you've cried and chased after him, it hasn't worked. hell, you could stand at the top of the highest building and scream your love out for him but no matter how loud or how much you said it, it was going through one ear and out the other. you kept trying to be strong and convince yourself that he wasn't worth it but part of you wanted it to work out in ways that not even you can explain. you were growing increasingly frustrated with yourself, always thinking that you were far more stable and independent then you were right now. one touch, one look, hell one kiss would bring you crumbling down again. that's what he did to you, thats how he rolled. the more you were with him the more you gave to him, and the less you felt like a complete person.
in the beginning you felt like a strong, well-rounded, goal oriented human being with dreams of becomming the next big thing and maybe one day saving the world. and then you met him, he made you fall head over heels in love with him, jumping face first into the fire. it felt excellent, it was a feeling you never wanted to let go of. it was drugless high, but an addiction nevertheless. you needed him, well, not really but you needed the security, the feeling of being needed and appreciated was overwhelming to you. dependence is what you craved.
the more time you guys spent together the harder it got. the girls, the threats, the comments. you started to believe the 'she's not pretty enough to be with him.' or the 'she doesn't deserve him, he deserves someone better.'. your spirit faded, your pride was shattered, confidence? what confidence? he never thought anyhting was ever wrong with it when you confronted him about the situation or whenever you talked to him about he'd shrug it off as nothing and change the subject. no emotional support what so ever, but if it was him who needed support you were there, front row and center - one hundred and ten percent.
in the end it took a lie to tear you apart. a lie by a complete random stranger who stepped into your lives and ripped your relationship apart at the seams. it hurt so much and he led you to believe that it was killing him as well. he cried like a little boy who had just lost his puppy dog, telling you it was hurting him so bad and that he couldn't stand to lose you, but this was just something he had to do. space, he needed space.
space to drift apart, space to hurt you, space was an excuse to forget you. you kept trying your hardest to get him back, giving away what was left of your strength and passion in an attempt to get your drug back. little did you know that all the 'i love you's' in the world couldn't save you now. there was no turning back because god only knows that he wasn't about to turn back. he would use you for sex and for the thrill of you always saying that 'you would never be another one of his call girls', but yet you'd always fall for the same tricks and end up regretting it the next morning.
you found out the worst way that he broke promises to you. promises that he said that he would never break. he always said he hated liars and wanted someone honest, but he couldn't even give you the one thing you wanted most out of it, even when you weren't together. reading something online is not the best way to find out that your ex boyfriend made out with the girl who broke you apart. how disrespectful - how would he feel if it was you making out with one of his enemies when they tore he and you apart and he was trying to make a valid effort at getting you back. you'd hope that it tore his heart out and felt like someone stomped on it.
that was it, you hit the roof and if you could, you'd be on pluto. you told him that there was no you and him and there never would be again. there would be no more laughs and kisses. no more movies and hand holding, it was done and over and it was his fault. you hoped that it hurt, and hurt him good. maybe one day someone would be able to hurt him as much as he was and did hurt you. you could only hope that that one person means as much to him as he meant to you. at the time you felt liberated and spiteful, but no matter how much it hurts, you know that now it's you're time to get over him and move ahead with you life knowing that you deserve so much better than he could ever give you regardless of how special he thinks he is. it's over and you're gone.
loose lips sink ships and you found out the hardway.