'"I don't know how to tell you this, mate, but you're a homicidal, insane teenager with magical powers that make Dumbledore jealous." - Seamus Finnigan.' In which Harry's mental state is discussed....
A Pointless Story in Four Parts
/Part the Third - In Which Harry's Loyalties are Discussed/
/The Girl Across the Room/
We're not the way we seem, you know. Okay, yes, Blaise really is a mysterious, enigmatic, unfeeling bastard, and yes, Draco really is a narcissistic prat, and Theodore actually should be on medication...
But other than that, we're not. And that's just my opinions of them as my best friends, anyway.
I will admit that Greg and Vince aren't the sharpest quills in the inkpot, but they certainly aren't the mindless, near-mute muscle they act like. Those rumours about Greg nearly being held back a year? We started them.
But that isn't what I'm here to talk about.
Publicly, we loathe him. Privately...well, it differs from person to person.
Mostly, we're indifferent. A few of the fifth years still loathe him, but that's more due to his constant winning of the Quidditch Cup than anything else.
We sixth years, on the other hand...
Greg, Vince and Millie actually kind of like him. They see him as a kind, quiet person who they would have gotten along with, had he been in Slytherin - like the rumours say he was supposed to be.
Draco, Blaise, Theodore and I find him fascinating.
I mean, for one thing, we all know that he's...how shall I put this? Stark raving mad? And I think that's putting it lightly. But for the most part, his Housemates, and even his closest friends, seem completely oblivious to this fact.
Today was an experience.
Blaise, predictably, was the first to pick up on the whole 'Potter missed his meds' situation. Thankfully, Draco also noticed, so he knew better than to pick any fights in Potions.
And it was today that we discovered that the sixth year Gryffindor boys, Potter's roommates, were fully aware of his lack of mental stability. They, especially Finnigan, were watching him like hawks.
In a way, this reassures me. For one, it means that Potter has a constant watch on him. This makes him blowing up the school and everyone in it less likely. Not a total impossibility, mind you, but with them watching him, it probably won't happen.
The Blond in Slytherin Robes
I've never liked Harry Potter. Don't ask me why, I probably couldn't give you a valid enough reason. Suffice to say, we just don't get along. Perhaps, had things been different, such as our first meeting and the Houses we were placed in, we might have been friends. Who knows?
Like Pansy, Blaise and Theodore, though, I feel that he is an incredibly interesting individual. There is a lot to be learned from observing Potter, and I like to think that someday, I'll have learned it all.
Theodore likes to joke that Blaise and I are obsessed. He and Pansy observe Potter, but not as...closely.
We're not obsessed.
Blaise tends to point out that he's watching out for the welfare of the school. I can't help but wonder what his excuse will be now that we know Potter's roommates know of his mental state.
But as for me...
As Potter's arch nemesis - at school, at least - I do, of course, see a different side of him than, say, his friends do.
And what I see intrigues me.
He is, as Millicent, Greg and Vince have pointed out to me before, kind, thoughtful, sensitive, quiet and an all around nice guy.
He's brave, reckless, foolhardy, pigheaded and sometimes too caught up in his own world to notice what's going on around him.
He's also cunning, sly, sneaky, loyal, studious (at times, anyway), imaginative, strategic, intelligent, and yet sometimes infinitely naive.
I'm beginning to realise that I might sound a little like a lovesick teenage girl. I'm neither lovesick, nor a girl.
I'm just observant. And someone needs to take note of all these things. Because his roommates, the only people who officially know that he's unstable, can't always take the time to notice when they're too busy preventing him from going off the walls.
And somehow, that someone turned out to be me.
Perhaps that's a good thing. If nothing else, I've learned to observe people without their noticing.
And perhaps, someday, Potter and I will have a discussion, put our differences behind us, and start over.
The Dark Lord in Contemplation
I have a very unique insight into the mind of Harry Potter. Everyone else has to make do with observation, and in the cases of some, conversation.
I have both of those, plus I can see into his mind, on occasion.
Now yes, I am quite aware that the Wizarding World believes me to be insane. And why wouldn't they? I am.
And perhaps this did contribute a tiny bit to Harry's insanity. But it's certainly not the cause of it, as Dean Thomas once suggested.
It is, perhaps, a mark of Harry's mental state that he frequently engages in telepathic conversations with me, which is how I know what theories his friends have thought up to explain, well, him.
And it is in these conversations that I learn the most about the boy who is supposed to bring about my downfall.
I do not, however, choose to speak with Harry simply because he is the enemy, and supposedly it is best to keep your friends close and enemies closer.
Conversation with him is...refreshing, for one. It truly is a rare experience for me to be able to speak with someone not afraid to insult me, disagree with me, give honest opinions on my methods and to joke and tease with me.
Besides, no one I've ever met has been able to bitch about Dumbledore with me as well as he has.
I find it more than a little disturbing that Albus Dumbledore has no idea that one of his students, much less his prized Golden Boy, has been mentally unstable almost since the time he set foot in the castle that is supposed to be Dumbledore's domain.
Even back when I was a student there were rumours that Dumbledore knew everything that happened within the school, and no doubt those increased after he became Headmaster. Harry himself has admitted to thinking the man was almost omniscient.
But of course, if dear Albus knows everything that happens within the school, then how the bloody hell did he miss my possession of Quirrell? My diary possessing Ginny Weasley? The fact that Peter Pettigrew spent the better part of ten years under his nose? For that matter, how did he miss James, Peter and Sirius becoming Animagi? And one of the most pressing questions, how did he miss that young Barty Crouch was impersonating Alastor Moody - one of his closest friends?
This has been the subject of many a bitching session, as Harry calls them.
Dumbledore is not omniscient, he is not all-powerful, and he's not a kindly old man making honest mistakes.
He is a fool.
And that is another point. He has no idea that Harry detests him, mistrusts him, and is currently holding neutral in the war.
He has promised that as soon as I reform my methods to suit him, he will side with me.
Personally, I cannot wait to see Albus Dumbledore's face when he finds this out.
The Man Behind the Cauldron
Throughout his schooling here at Hogwarts, I have publicly maintained the belief that Harry James Potter is nothing more than the arrogant carbon copy of his father.
Privately, however, I have been forced to re-evaluate my opinion - and what I found as surprised me.
As many people have realised by now, Harry is utterly insane. This is a fact that he and his roommates have probably been concealing since his arrival at the school.
More than anything it is that little fact that worries me - the fact that the only people who knew of this to begin with, the people who worked out how to deal with it, were four (five if you count Harry himself) eleven-year-old boys. And Gryffindors, every one of them.
I suppose it makes me feel a little better to know that the next people to really realise it were my sixth year Slytherins - although I believe they themselves were only thirteen or so at the time.
In all his controlling of the boy's life, it was one major factor that Albus Dumbledore didn't take into account - mainly because he was unaware of it. I can't help but wonder whether the man would have used Harry in the first place, had he known. Perhaps he would have taken control of Neville Longbottom at a young age and moulded him into the mindless follower he wanted.
Merlin forbid /that/.
I'll suppress the urge to rant about Longbottom. Truly, I will. The boy may be abysmal at Potions, but he is one of the four students who keep Harry Potter sane, so that's some credit for him. Just as long as no one ever lets him know that I think that.
Despite everything, however, there is one part of Harry Potter's mind that I am as yet unsure of - and that's his side in this war.
Most people think this is obvious. Voldemort is evil, insane, and killed the boy's parents, as well as Diggory right in front of him. Oh all right, from what I've heard, it was Pettigrew who actually cast the curse. But the principle there is the same.
It isn't that clear-cut.
Yes, Voldemort is insane. So is Dumbledore, and Potter himself. Perhaps it is a requirement for wielding such magical power. After all, Dumbledore and Potter are pretty much the only two people left on the planet who are oblivious to the fact that Harry's power far surpasses Albus's, and I believe his insanity does as well.
And yes, Voldemort killed his parents. But Dumbledore was involved in that as well. If he had insisted upon being the Secret Keeper himself, instead of standing back after his initial offer was rejected and allowing them to choose Black...and not bothering to be around to find out that they switched to Pettigrew...
As for Voldemort being evil...yes, he is. And Dumbledore is a manipulative old bastard. And the Pope is Catholic. And Fudge is a moron. Can I stop stating the obvious now?
Facts are facts.
As I said, it isn't clear-cut. And I personally have no theory as to which way his loyalties will fall.
But, if I'm going to be honest, I must admit that whichever side he chooses, I will follow.
Because as I said, he's more powerful than Dumbledore. And everyone knows that Voldemort's powers equal those of the Headmaster.
The turning tide in this war is a mentally unstable teenager with a sugar addiction.
I'm not sure how worried I should be about that.
The Werewolf in the Classroom
The first thing that I'd like to address is the chance that Harry's condition is hereditary. It isn't, I'm afraid.
If it were, I certainly would have known. But neither Lils nor Prongs showed any sign of magically induced insanity, which rules that theory out completely.
And no, we didn't continually drop him on his head. It was only once, and Padfoot and I caught him halfway down anyway. Of course, Lily then refused James any contact with the kid for a week. He crashed on our couch and spent the whole time whining.
Sirius and I frequently deserted him to visit Harry and Lils, who had decided that we were suitable fill-in dads for the time being, since we'd caught the boy and all.
James wasn't very happy about that, especially when Sirius offered to take up 'husbandly duties' as well. Lily just slapped him and kicked him out for the rest of the week as well. Score for me, I got Harry all to myself. Take /that/, Black and Potter!
At the time, Peter was in the middle of his healer training, and we barely saw him. Of course, we know now that there was more than one reason for his absence, but at the time...
But the point is, no, we did not, by genetics or by concussion, cause Harry's insanity. I certainly can't say what /did/, though.
It's almost amusing, the way Harry and Sirius worry about what the other will think of certain things.
A few weeks ago, Harry and I had a lengthy in-depth conversation that, while skirting several issues, seemed to be centred around what Sirius would think of him if he went against Dumbledore.
Let's just say I was a little shocked, but not for the reasons most people would expect.
Harry, after all, had been under Dumbledore's influence since he was eleven, and as such I thought he would be more than a little loyal to the barmy old codger.
Of course, there was also the fact that for the past two years or so, Sirius and I had been debating whether to stick with the Order or leave and imitate Switzerland. We had pretty much decided to stick with the Order, because neither of us were willing to leave Harry, and as far as we knew, Harry was Dumbledore's loyal - if unwitting - pawn.
And here was Harry, offering us the perfect opportunity to seize that neutrality we wanted.
So I, naturally, assured Harry that both Sirius and myself would love and support him no matter what he chose - even if he wanted to go all the way past neutrality and onto Voldemort's side.
He then surprised me again by getting this very strange, half amused look on his face and saying, "Funny you should mention that, Moony..."
Talk about heart-attack inducing sentences!
He quickly explained how he and Voldemort, or Tom as he calls him, have a mental connection through which they converse. And it was due to these conversations that Harry really became aware of Dumbledore's manipulations, and also, it was due to them that Voldemort was reforming the way he led the Death Eaters.
These reforms were, apparently, Harry's condition upon considering joining the Dark Lord. And he had told Tom that, should the reforms meet with his standards, he could probably be convinced to join him.
Needless to say, Voldemort is enforcing these reforms quite strongly.
After all, who wouldn't want Harry Potter on their side in this war?