Will Sakura allow her most important feeling be taken away from her? Spoiler Warnings for CCS Movie Two: The Sealed Card. Written for Song of the Rain Challenge by fairymage. Challenge song line: ...
Song of the Rain Challenge Fic
Disclaimers Card Captor Sakura is NOT mine, no money is involved in writing this-not even a bribe because I wrote this fic for a challenge and I thoroughly enjoyed doing it for free! The song that appears on this vignette isn't mine either, but for the sake of Syaoran and Sakura (because it fits them so well), it was transliterated to Japanese Romanji-with much help from Bluediamond-chan. Set within CCS Movie 2: The Sealed Card. SPOILER WARNING!
A/Notes Hontou ni Arigatou to my two brilliant betas! Kikyou-chan, for the critiques on the characterization and story plot, as well as for the constant reminder that angst (no matter how much we like it) does not suit these kawaii CLAMP characters. And Bluediamond-chan, for correcting my tenses, sentence structure and for the help in translating-the best forever!
+-----------------------+Stanza One: SAKURA+-----------------------+
Kinrai na wasureta toki ni, ikken no unmei
Umi no se no naka ni tooi tokoro de anata no hikari ga kirameru
Inochi no merodii no iro o kikoeru
Ashita no shizukesa de naku
There was only a soft drizzle by the time Yukito-san left me under the tree near Penguin Park. But I did not feel like going home just yet. So I merely stood there, rooted to the spot, watching rain fall from the melancholy skies. The heavens seemed to understand and empathize with my feelings.
"Will you be alright, Sakura-chan?" Despite that it was his other form I spoke to earlier, Yukito-san seem to know exactly what was bothering me. It was hard to put on a bright smile and cheerful tone when your heart feels heavy and weak.
"Un! Heiki na zenzen. Shimpai nai, Yukito-san. (Un! Absolutely fine. Don't worry, Yukito-san.)"
Yukito-san hesitated a bit, watching me intently with a concerned expression. I would have felt all tingly inside, if not for the sensation that it must be Yue-san's worried eyes gazing down on me. I continued to beam widely, but I doubt that he ever believed it.
In truth, I felt a little better after talking to Yue-san, but I cannot seem to keep the sadness inside.
"Arigatou! (Thank you!)" There was an edge to my voice, which he probably noticed, but I did not want to cry again. So I choked up a sob through another unconvincing smile. "Watashi wa heiki desu. (I'm fine.)"
Yukito-san smiled warmly back at me, the smile that used to make me feel all sweet and glow inside. And for a moment there, I did feel okay. Because Yukito-san-no, Yue-san said we will find another way, he assured me it will be alright.
But that felt like a long time ago. And the dark clouds did not seem to want to go away either. Will they still be there tomorrow? The Nadesico festival begins tomorrow and preparations had already been set up. Everyone seems to be excited about it, especially the play. But would it still matter if Tomoeda was slowly disappearing?
"If it's the only way, it can't be helped."
Despite the heavy patter of the rain on the gravel path, it could not seem to drown out Syaoran-kun's words. His voice echoed in my ears as our conversation replayed in my head over and over again. Why did he have to say that? How could he not believe that there might be another way to stop the Sealed Card without giving up my most important feeling?
My most important feeling... He doesn't know yet what my most important feeling is.
An image of Syaoran-kun floated inside my head: that day when he gave me the teddy bear he had made, he was smiling softly at me and he promised that we'd see each other again...
I stopped short and felt a lump lodged somewhere in my throat, a searing pain in my chest. Grief washed over me as the sensation of losing something as important, as precious to me as Syaoran-kun--my heart constricted and suddenly, I could not breathe. I fell to my knees, and realized that I was no longer under the tree. The tiny drops of water now patted my cheeks and my hair smelled of the rain. My legs seemed to have wandered off on their own as I found myself in front of the swings.
Nostalgia and a rush of memories surrounded me. It was as if time had wound back to that day when I remembered crying because of another painful hurt. But the sun was shining back then, and nothing was disappearing. The sadness seemed an obscure memory now.
I only remembered Syaoran-kun offering me his handkerchief. I remembered falling onto his shoulders as he placed his arms around to catch me. I remembered the warmth of his embrace and his soothing voice when he told me it will be alright.
"Mistsukeru ii na. Daijoubu da zettai desu kara.. (It will absolutely be alright. Because you'll find him.)"
Little did I know I already had. He was there, standing right in front of me all along. If it wasn't for Syaoran-kun, I wouldn't have done my best at collecting the cards, I wouldn't have transformed them all into Sakura cards, I wouldn't have gotten over Yukito-san and come back to my old self, I wouldn't have known this feeling...
I don't know if I'm ready to give that up. I almost lost him once-because I was too thick to realize my true feelings... or too afraid? Heaven knows how much this feeling wants to burst out of me. And yet every time I try to tell him, words get caught up somewhere between my heart and voice.
But if the Sealed Card takes away this feeling, if it takes away all my memories of Syaoran-kun... what if I don't remember loving him anymore... is it still worth telling him now?
The world would end if I don't stop the Card either. I would never see any of my family and friends again, and I can't let that happen! Iya da No way! The Card must be defeated. Some how. Some way. I need to find another way-anything, everything it takes to seal it without losing everyone who is important to me: Otou-san, Onii-chan, Yukito-san, Kero-chan, Meiling-chan, Tomoyo-chan, not even Syaoran-kun...
The rain seemed to have stopped, but the tears that fell to my cheeks have not. Dooshite...?
"Don't cry any more." I turned around and saw Syaoran-kun standing there behind me. "Sakura, don't cry anymore."
+-----------------------+Stanza Two: SYAORAN+-----------------------+
Kurayami ni anata no yondeiru koe o kinitomeru
Ai o akogareteiru kokoro... Demo dokokade anata o mitsukenai
Anata e hashiru, anata shika minai
Kono toorimichi wa dokomo ni tsurenai- anata dake tsureru
Pain was not a foreign concept to Li Syaoran. He was used to it. He was immune to it. Any kind of physical wound or injury does not scare him. He has accepted it as a fundamental part of his training. But the pain caused by his wounds and injuries had all been very shallow, none of it had ever hurt him.
So unlike the ethereal wound that tore his heart apart at that moment.
"How can it be alright if your most important feeling no longer exists?"
He had caused sadness to the one person who mattered most to him. The hurt in her voice still rang loudly at him. It ripped him to pieces, which for the first time made him feel so incompetent and weak. His magic was even more useless to alleviate her sorrow.
The rain poured heavily and incessantly. It was cold and cutting when it hit his skin, but he paid no mind to it as he made his way absent-mindedly through the streets of the town. Despite the downpour, people did not stop making the preparations for the festival the next day. It was as if nothing was amiss, they did not even notice what and who had been disappearing.
But only one thought occupied Syaoran's mind, one face littered his thoughts. Sakura...
Her expression was downcast, and she did not look at him when she told him about the phone conversation with Eriol about the Sealed Card. He clenched his fists as she explained what it does and why Clow Reed had created it.
"Did you hear what you should do?" His tone must have sounded a little harsh. But that was only because he was anxious to beat the Card. And he felt the need to protect Sakura from the grief it was causing her.
She explained why she mustn't change it to a Sakura Card, because even if she did, "...it would mean, I'd have to exchange my most important feeling." He sensed the sadness in her voice when she had said this, but her spirit had not yet admitted defeat.
She had told him about the Last Judgment, where she saw a world without love. It made her feel so sad, so alone. Syaoran did not want that. Sakura was too pure for that kind of anguish. He'd rather bear that burden because it hurt him more to see Sakura suffer. Her strength lay with the people that mattered to her, her openness to love was her very essence. Taking that away would almost be like taking the life out of her.
He had been constantly aware of the fear of losing someone important to him. For each time Sakura faced the magic of the cards and he wasn't there to help her. At that time when he thought she'd fallen into a dark abyss inside the elevator and he could not reach out to her. He knew that fear, and he would not allow Sakura to feel that.
"Isn't there another way?" Each Card has exactly one weakness, one single way to overpower it. But the Sealed Card seemed to have been created specially; it counteracted all the positive forces of the 52 cards. So even though he knew the answer, he wanted to ask anyway.
Sakura shook her head in dismay. "Wakara nai. (I don't know.)"
If there had been a glimmer of optimism left within her, he must have extinguished it altogether.
"If it's the only way, it can't be helped." He would not forget the pain and shock so clear in her bright green eyes when he had said this. But if it means that everyone and anyone that mattered to her would disappear, then her most important feeling would have served its purpose.
The rain outside poured harshly, lashing at the roof of the shelter where they stood, complementing the silence between them.
"How can it be alright if your most important feeling no longer exists?" Her voice cracked as she stared back at him. He knew she was going to cry.
But he didn't answer, and merely looked away. He looked everywhere else but at her. And so she'd fled. Into the rain, Sakura had run in hurt and tears.
While he stood frozen under the cover of that place, for the first time, he felt like a coward. He could have as well admitted defeat from the enemy. Was it so wrong to give up one important feeling even if it means that everyone else who is important to you would be saved?
A numbing ache throbbed in his head-or was it his heart? He couldn't tell, but he felt a twinge of unhappiness as he thought about Sakura.
He stopped in his tracks and found himself in front of a flower shop. He looked at the various flowers that lined outside the store, colorful and bright amongst themselves. And despite the lack of sunshine, they seemed to have embraced the coldness of the rain.
Without another thought, he took a bunch of nadeshikos and threw some change at the counter, startling the preoccupied owner.
Then Li Syaoran ran. He ran as fast as his legs could take him-to wherever, to anywhere, just to find her.
Even if it was because of him, Sakura never deserved sadness.
+-----------------------+Chorus: SAKURA & SYAORAN+-----------------------+
Anata no houyou de, Watshi no sora o mitsukeru
Anata no tame ni, Watashi wa yume o miru koto o aete
Made sono futabi ni kimi o kizuku
Sakura gazed in mild surprise at the boy standing beside her, offering his hand out. He smiled apologetically at her, as if that gesture wasn't enough. She wiped her tears tentatively and accepted the boy's hand. Sakura suddenly felt the whole event was pleasantly familiar.
"Don't cry anymore," Syaoran spoke to her in a gentle tone, he didn't want her to think he was reprimanding her. What he had said earlier was enough, he need not cause her more pain. That was why he came looking for her after he realized what he'd done.
"Sakura, you-you don't deserve this sadness."
Sakura was at loss for words as Syaoran offered her a bouquet of nadeshikos. She hadn't noticed that he'd had it until he gave it to her. The flowers glowed at her cheerily, as if beckoning for her to do the same.
"A-arigatou. Thank you." She could've said more but it was the first time he'd given her flowers, and she wasn't quite sure how to react. Syaoran had never seemed the type. But then again, he always made her feel better when she was scared or sad, one way or another.
"A sad face doesn't suit you," he said simply, warmly. A smile began to form on her lips. Syaoran felt glad. Not a boy of many words, but he knew exactly what to say. "These nadeshikos-these are like you: a starry flower through seasons and centuries. Even when there's no sun to shine on them, they still smile."
Sakura felt the urge to throw her arms around Syaoran, a mixture of joy and sorrow overwhelmed her. It made the decision seem more difficult, but at the same time, she was more determined to find the card and defeat it.
"We'll find a way," her voice small but resolute. Now she was certain: she wouldn't allow the Sealed Card to take away the people and places that mattered to her. Neither did she want to give up her most important feeling, Sakura knew for certain that she didn't want to give Syaoran up.
"Aa. We'll find a way." Syaoran smiled, "Daijoubu da zettai desu kara."
And somehow, Sakura believed, it would absolutely be alright.
A/Notes 2 If you're interested for the song translation, I'm working on a link to it. It wasn't written by me, and it was originally done in my language, I only translated it to Jap for the purposes of this fic. If you want to hear the song, let me know so I can give you the link to it :) Thanks for reading!~