Categories > Cartoons > Fairly OddParents > Trixie vs Tootie (Or, I Have A LOT OF Free Time on My Hands)
In some other far off realm, Trixie & Tootie have a battle for the right to the heart of Timmy Turner. What follows is insanity at it's best. The first of my Timmy x Tootie trilogy
By Kairi Taylor
If anything, blame the former owners of the WWWF Grudge Match for what shall unfold.
(The setting is a dojo in the middle of, well, somewhere. Kairi sits down at a large desk, alongside a certain young superhero...)
Kairi: Hullo, welcome to the inaugural edition of Nick Toon Shodown. I am, as always, Kairi. And with me is teenage superhero, Danny Phantom.
Danny: Good to be here. And tonight, we have a real doozy of a fight. Two preteen girls will fight it out for the love of one boy.
Kairi: Say, Danny, I have a quick question. Why did Trixie agree to this?
Danny: I'll get to that in a moment. The first girl to enter the dojo is super rich, super popular &, if the internet is to be believed, the future wife of Timmy Turner. Please welcome Trixie Tang!
(The dojo doors slide open. Trixie walks in, dressed in an elaborate pink kimono.)
Kairi: Like I said, how'd you rope her into this?
Danny: A funny story...
Trixie: A fight? ME? With HER?
Danny: Yup. This little thing you had with her has been going on long enough & my sponsor, who seems to be preoccupied at the moment...
(Shot of Cosmo balancing pudding on his head.)
Danny: ...thinks this is the perfect venue to settle it.
Trixie: Oh? And so what if I win? What do I get?
Danny: Well, duh, Timmy of course!
Trixie: Yawn, and I emphasize on the word 'yawn'.
Danny: Really? Do you think you can turn away from a fair challenge, ESPECIALLY since the 'Valentine's Day' incident, where he practically threw himself at Tootie when you offered yourself to him?
(Back to the present.)
Kairi: Wow...smooth talking there, halfa.
Danny: You gotta know their insecurities to get women to do anything these days.
Timmy: Uh...excuse me? (Timmy is tied up to a chair.) I think I should have a say in this.
Me: Sorry, we just think this way is better.
Danny: A friend of yours practically thought this all up.
Timmy: What 'friend' would have me tied up & given away as the prize to a fight between two girls?
Danny: Duh, who else? (Points to Jimmy Neutron)
Jimmy: Hang in there Turner!
Timmy: This is because I had him sent to Dairy World when I wanted to take Cindy to the St. Patrick's Day Dance, isn't it?
Danny: Our second combatant is a girl with a unrelenting love for Timmy that is so huge, not even the awesomeness of Chuck Norris can contain it...
Kairi: Lies I say.
Danny: Deal with it. Here is Tootie.
(A plume of green flames erupt from the floor. A second later, Tootie appears, dressed similarly to Hatake Kakashi, except the headband is not over her left eye, due to her glasses. Timmy's face is engraved on the headband's metal forehead protector.)
Danny: Whoa...never knew she could do that.
Kairi: You don't really think that girl is solely dedicated to nothing but Timmy Turner, do you?
Danny: Well...never mind. I'm just glad it's not Veronica fighting. Let me see her fight sheet. (Tucker walks in)
Tucker: Uh, says here she is ranked 'Chunin' whatever that means, is studying kendo and is a veteran of the Astral Wars.
Danny: Astral Wars?
Kairi: I do not like to talk about it.
Danny: It couldn't have been that bad.
Kairi: Things happened...things that would make your hair turn white...
Tucker: Let's just go to the match, please.
(The two combatants are situated in the middle of the dojo floor. Arnold is the ref.)
Arnold: I want a good clean match. Killing is frowned on, and so is any comments about your parental lineage. Otherwise, just about anything goes.
Tootie: ANYTHING? (looks at Timmy)
Arnold: Uh, wait until after your match is over. BEGIN!
(Tootie takes a Zenkutsu stance. Trixie merely smiles as she files her fingernails.)
Tootie: C'mon sister, I've got places to go & a boy to woo.
Trixie: Oh please, do you really think I'd actually waste my energies on a shrimp like you? Especially when I have access to these?
(Trixie snaps her fingers. From the ceilings, a group of pink laden ninjas surround Tootie.)
Kairi: These may very well be the worst dressed ninjas to ever grace God's green Earth.
Danny: Does the name Momochi Zabuza mean anything to you?
Kairi: I stand corrected.
Trixie: Boys, do be useful & show this girl how to fight.
(As the pink clad ninjas move in to attack, Tootie reacts in a swift and equally violent manner. She leaps forward and uppercuts one ninja high into the air, spins on her heel and leg sweeps another on his back before stomping him in the groin, then leaps & grabs the first one in the air, tossing him face first into his prone partner. The third one goes for the staff at his side, but Tootie quickly tosses a chain around his arm and tosses him on top of the pile of knocked out ninja.)
Kairi: (picks up phone) Call my bookie! Put it all on Tootie!
Trixie: Hm...nice moves, small fry.
Tootie: Well, it was nice of you to give me a little warm up.
Ninja: Don't be so sure of yourself, child. (Pulls out a pair of nunchakus.) I am a master of Hatano-ryu, Mino-ryu, Hattori-ryu, Haguro-ryu & my very own style of ninjutsu. I will not idly stand by while some preteen girl with an unhealthy fixation on a pink hat wearing buck toothed shallow moron...
Timmy: I'm not shallow!
Ninja: ...proceeds to humiliate me and my clan. Now witness the might of..
Tootie: I really don't have time for this.
(Before a snazzy display of nunchaku skills could even be displayed, the ninja finds himself forcefully kicked in the face by Tootie, which ends with him going right through the dojo wall & face first into a sushi cart, next to Vlad Masters.)
Vlad: Always when I'm eating. Uh, do you mind, your fibula is blocking my California Roll supply.
Tootie: I didn't came here to waste time with these small fry...(points dramatically to Trixie.) I CAME HERE TO CLOBBER YOU!
Trixie: Whatever. Looks like you get to see firsthand just what I have to do to stay the most popular girl in Dimsdale.
Danny: Aside from batting an eyelash and getting dumb guys to do anything she wants, just what can she do?
Tucker: Uh, this may seem a bit surprising but it says that Trixie...
(Trixie lunges for a punch at Tootie. Tootie ducks. The punch destroys a good portion of the wall.)
Tucker:...is a master of Bajiquan.
Kairi: Excuse me...Cosmo, a drink please. (Cosmo hands Kairi a drink. Kairi drinks, then proceeds to spit it in his face.) DEAR GOD NOT THAT!
Danny: What is Bajiquan?
Kairi: Ever play Virtua Fighter?
Danny: Heck no.
Kairi: Oh, right, wrong generation. Play Dead or Alive 4?
Danny: Heck YEAH!
Kairi: Figures. Right. Remember the new fighter, the one called Kokoro?
Danny: You mean...THAT style?
Tucker: This won't end well, will it?
Danny: In more ways than one.
Trixie: I'm more than just a pretty face you know.
Tootie: Allow me to fix that.
(Tootie goes for several rapid fire high & low punches and kicks, which Trixie manages to effortlessly dodge. )
Tootie: Darn it, why won't my fist contact with your face?
Trixie: Sorry sugar, true beauty can't be marred so easily. (As if she was waiting to show off, Trixie elbows Tootie, sending her back several feet.)
Trixie: Oh, I'm not done just yet. (Trixie leaps in front of Tootie & delivers a punishing series of hard punches, sending Tootie down.)
Danny: Oh crap...
Tucker: Looks like we know who you're going home with.
Timmy: Yeah, but I don't know if I should be happy or scared stiff.
(Tootie struggles to get up. Trixie merely laughs.)
Trixie: Oh please, little girl, don't you get it? You've lost & now Timmy is all mine. And you can have him back as soon as I am all done with him.
Tootie: You..don't even...
Trixie: The only reason I ever agreed to waste my time fighting you was because he actually took pity on you & choose to give his time to you instead of me on Valentine's Day. What could an repulsive, ugly little girl EVER hope to give to him?
Tootie: GRRRRRR...there's one thing I can give to him that you can never give...MY HEART!
(Tootie glows red with anger. As Trixie goes to punch her, Tootie violently smashes her fist into Trixie's gut, slamming her against the wall.)
Kairi: Oh, perfect. NOW it awakens.
Danny: What awakens?
Kairi: The Rage (tm).
Danny: And that is important because...
Tucker: Didn't you ever go to Grudge Match.
Danny: No, I have a life. Fill me in, please.
Tucker: Gladly. The Rage is only for characters who meet certain requirements. Be it a tough childhood, repressed anger or just deep seeded issues.
Kairi: Also, keep in mind, Tootie is related by blood to Vicky. Combine being a blood relative to her with the sting of torment from that dark being which scares even HIM...(points to Zuko, who sits next to Vicky)
Zuko: Someone, PLEASE help me.
Me: And you have a walking bundle of wrath just waiting to explode.
(Tootie stands, a kunai in her teeth and two bokken criss crossed in her hands.)
Danny: Sasuke Uchiha called, he wants his pose back.
Trixie: GAH! You actually hurt me, you little...
Tootie: Here, catch!
(Tossing the two bokken in the air, Tootie launches the kunai at Trixie. Trixie ducks, dashes forward and swings at Tootie's head. Tootie manages to duck the fist, then jumps and spin kicks Trixie in the face before grabbing the two bokken that are falling down. She spins on her heels and slams both of them into Trixie's body before she jumps up into the air & brings down the force of both bokken hard across her head, knocking Trixie out.)
Arnold: Uh...I don't think counting is gonna be needed. TOOTIE IS THE WINNER!
Tootie: YAY! (Immediately goes over to rapidly kiss Timmy across the face.)
Danny: Wow, that was AWESOME!
Kairi: And the best part is all the money I made off of this brutal display of true love. (Counts his cash as Krabs cries in the background.)
Tucker: So did anyone learn anything from all this?
Timmy: I learned that I really shouldn't treat a girl who shows affection towards me so shamefully despite how she looks. And also, she seems to have the potential to hurt me if I really break her heart.
('MORAL OF THE STORY' Flashes boldly onscreen.)
Tootie: C'mon dreamboat! We got a LONG day ahead of us.
Timmy: I'll get you for this, Jimmy. (Is hauled off on the shoulders of Tootie)
Danny: One thing I don't get: since when did Tootie know how to fight like that?
Kairi: Remember when Tootie was loaned Cosmo & Wanda?
Danny: Yeah...wait when did she wish for that?
Cosmo: Off-screen. A lot of wishing went down off-screen.
Kairi: I would have thought that the effects of that wish would have been null & void thanks to Timmy.
Wanda: She was surprisingly specific about that wish...see? (Hands Danny a paper.)
Danny: (reads paper) I, Tootie, wish to be taught martial arts and mystical arts 3 months from now after this wish was made, and it cannot be undone by anyone, especially someone who may or may not have loaned me their fairy godparents for a period of one day in case they felt guilty for doing me wrong. Wow. The kid IS a natural. So, what's our next fight?
Kairi: Glad you asked...
Tucker: Danny, RUN.
(Danny is encased in a cube by Jimmy.)
Kairi: A tag team fight featuring Sam & Ember vs Valerie Grey & Paulina. You just happen to be the prize (Ember & Sam walk in.)
Ember: When this is over, we take turns with the dipstick, agreed?
Sam: Sure...though it kind of sounds creepy. And perverted. And clichÃ©. And REAL perverted.
Ember: I wasn't gonna go there, but since you are...
Danny: Jimmy, I am SO gonna pay you back for this when I get the chance.
Timmy: (O.S.) GET IN LINE!