Chester McBadbat is accused of stealing a priceless town artifact and only one pink hat wearing lawyer & his gal can bail him out...the second in the silly Timmy x Tootie trilogy
Timmy Turner: Ace Attorney
By Kairi Taylor
Disclaimer: See, here's the thing: I do not own The Fairly Oddparents. If I did, that would make me Butch Hartman, a creative man who is married, very well off and with a family of his own. You could also be sure if I was Butch, Tootie would end up with Timmy and Danny Phantom would last beyond 52 episodes. But I'm not. So this should clear that legal hurdle. And if anything, the existence of this story should be blamed squarely on the shoulders of Capcom, who created the inspiration of this tale, Phoenix Wright (Gyakuten Saiban in Japan) And yes, there are three mentions of Chuck Norris. 4 now.
( Dimmsdale Elementary School, Room 10-05, 4:00 PM. Timmy is sitting with Elmer & Sanjay at a meeting for the Young Paranormal Investigation Club)
Timmy: Can we hurry this up? The Crash Nebula marathon is gonna start in 1 hour!
Elmer: Oh c'mon Timmy, you promised to sit in with us today!
Timmy: Yeah, I know, but if I'd known that Sanjay's presentation would take over an hour, I'd never agree to it.
Elmer: The only reason you agreed to be with us is because Chester's missing & A.J. is off on some 3 week Young Genius Swap Meet.
Timmy: You've got a point there.
Sanjay: These photos, taken from a blog run by a teenager from Amity, show a white haired boy in battle with what appears to be a monster made from...umm, cheese I suppose. And if you take into consideration the frequency of supernatural reports coming from this town about this individual, its clear there is some sort of half human, half ghost hybrid walking among us.
Timmy: That's a little far fetched. Ghosts I can believe in. But a half human, half ghost? C'mon, I'd sooner believe in the existence of Xenu.
Elmer: Or ghosts being able to have children.
Timmy: And if he did exist, what would happen if he had kids?
Sanjay: Good point...maybe they would be hybrids too.
Timmy: That's just too weird to think about.
(The lights go out.)
Timmy: Hey, what gives?
Sanjay: Oh great, the power's down. Maybe Crocker's up to one of his experiments again.
Elmer: Him and his 'fairy godparents.' At least the ghost kid theory is plausible.
Timmy: Let's just wrap this up; I got a lot of couch sitting to look forward to.
Sanjay: Or you could do your homework before you watch the marathon.
Elmer: Maybe then you could actually pass more of your tests.
Timmy: Or I could totally disregard academia for 4 hours of mind numbing entertainment... Gee, I wonder which one I will choose...
Timmy: ...this is why you get chased by mobs of torch wielding students, you realize that, right?
Elmer: Is it so wrong to have a love for amassing knowledge?
Timmy: Only in most southern states I suppose.
(The hallways of Dimmsdale Elementary.)
Timmy: Ok, cruddy old club business is taken care of, now to get home before-
? Oh TIMMY!
Timmy: Too late! (Turns from his locker to see Tootie standing behind him)
Tootie: What an amazing coincidence to see you here.
Timmy: Actually, your Young Sleuth Club meeting ends about the same time as mine. I'm pretty sure you planned it that way. And what's with all those books?
Tootie: Oh these? Oh it's just my manga collection I brought with me to display to the club.
Timmy: Oh great, not more effeminate males with long hair.
Tootie: No, it's something way better! (Hands a book to Timmy.)
Timmy: Detective Conan?
Tootie: Yeah, it's all about this kid named Conan who gets shrunk, but he finds ways to solve all sorts of cases as a kid!
Timmy: WHOA! This is pretty violent for a kid's manga! And your parents let you read it?
Tootie: They tell me I'm pretty well read for my age. If you want, you can borrow a couple.
Timmy: SWEET! Wait, there is a catch, isn't there?
Tootie: Of course! (blushes) Can you take me to the Chompy Action Exhibit in the auditorium tomorrow?
Timmy: Hmm...on the one hand, I am generally frightened by the hyperactive displays of public affection you display. But on the other hand, these look like awesome manga that my parents will never let me read. What the hey, I'll do it.
Tootie: YAY! A DATE!
Timmy: Uh, let's refrain from calling it that. No one needs to know about it. (Elmer peeks out from around a corner.)
Elmer: 'cept me.
Timmy: Sounds like someone wants an angry mob to chase him!
? OH NO! OUR DREAM IS RUINED! RUINED!
Timmy: That sounded like...
Tootie: Mr. Bickles!
(Auditorium. Mr. Bickles, Mr. Crocker and Principal Waxoplax are all standing in front of a large display case, which has been shattered. Inside with them are Tad, Chad, Veronica & the janitor.)
Janitor: Oh, perfect, just perfect. First vomit, then frog guts and now this! I'm running a full gamut today.
Bickles: What will we do? We can't have the exhibit without our main showcase!
Timmy: What happened?
Crocker: Ah, Turner, so glad you took time out of your busy ghost hunting schedule to join us!
Waxoplax: Someone broke into the auditorium & made off with the gold statue of Chompy.
Timmy: The one that the mayor himself donated?
Chad: Very one!
Tad: Very valuable!
Chad: It's his most prized possession.
Tad: He would never sell it! Not even to Trixie!
Timmy: I thought this place was locked up.
Crocker: It was, thanks to my patented security system. But the power was cut off sometime after 4. The thief managed to break into the auditorium then and make off with the statue.
Waxoplax: Only someone with no alibi could have made off with that statue.
(At this point, Chester walks in.)
Chester: Hey guys, what's up?
Veronica: Uh, I think we have our perp!
Chester: Perp? What do you mean?
Timmy: Hold on a sec! We can't just assume it was Chester. What about Francis, he's known for pulling stunts like this!
Crocker: Good guess, but no. Francis is serving 4 years in juvenile hall for assault on the Squirrelly Scouts. Only the noble actions of Chuck Norris saved them from a brutal beating.
/Random Fact: In case of invasion by terrorists on U.S. soil, the emergency plan comprises of a team with Chuck Norris, Mr. T & Jean Reno./
/Another Random Fact: Only one person has every doubted the coolness of Jean Reno due to his French background. That person was promptly roundhouse kicked into sweet ignorance by Chuck Norris. The person in question was Bill O Reilly./
Bickles: And everyone here has an alibi.
Veronica: I was at the Young Sleuth Club the entire time.
Chad: We were in the Hot Tub!
Timmy: You guys have a hot tub?
Chad: Two of them actually. We keep one outdoors as well.
Timmy: Why would anyone want a hot tub in school?
Tad: When you're rich...
Chad: You can have ANYTHING.
Bickles: So Chester, care to explain where you were?
Chester: Um...well...it's kinda private.
Tootie: Is it embarrassing private, eww private or you're a creepy disgusting pervert private?
Veronica: PLEASE don't let it be the last one.
Chester: I rather not say.
Veronica: Oh God, it is the last one.
Waxoplax: Alright young man, looks like we need to have a word with you about the location of a certain gold statue!
Chester: Huh? WAIT! No, you gotta believe me, I didn't do it! Timmy, you got to do something!
Timmy: Me? Why?
Tootie: Because you're a loyal friend who'll do ANYTHING to save his pal! (Clings to his arm.)
Timmy: GAH! Public display!
Chad: Your girlfriend is right.
Timmy: She's not my girlfriend. (to self) And I doubt anyone will listen.
Tad: You're the only one who will defend him.
Crocker: PERFECT! This all perfectly ties in with my lesson plan for tomorrow! I was gonna hold a mock trial to explain the legal system in Japan, but now we can hold it for real! TURNER! You're Chester's attorney! You already have legal experience.
Timmy: I do?
Crocker: Even you, with your short attention span, surely remembers you have a perfect legal record of 20-0. Although I'm still perplexed just how you got a license in the first place.
Tootie: Uh, internet?
Crocker: Oh right...in any case the trial is tomorrow. Lose the case and not only does Chester get sent to juvie...you get my latest creation, an F IN THE SONG STYLINGS OF 19TH CENTURY BAROUQUE!
Timmy: Ouch...talk about pressure.
Crocker: Good luck Turner... (To self) and try winning this one without the aid of your...FAIRY GODPARENTS! (spazzes out)
Veronica: We can all hear you, you know.
Crocker: Oh...well then, trial begins at 3:30 tomorrow...FAIRIES!
(The teachers all leave, taking Chester with them.)
Chad: Ha! Good luck dweeb!
Tad: There's no way you can defend that felon this time.
Timmy: Hello? 20 and 0 record. I think I have this one in the bag.
Veronica: Yeah, but all those cases were of you defending Adam West.
Chad: If that's your only experience, Chester's as good as dead.
Timmy: Ha! I bet I can root out the real culprit.
Tad: Really? In that case...
Chad: ...If you do win...
Tad: ...and there is no way you can...
Chad: ...You can have our hot tubs.
Tad: For you and your girlfriend.
Veronica & Tootie: Really?
Timmy: Hey, let's not go...
Chad: Good luck, loser! (Chad & Tad both walk away.)
Veronica: If you'll excuse me, I have...things to do. (Veronica leaves)
Tootie: Looks like it's up to us to prove Chester is innocent.
Timmy: Yeah! Wait...
Tootie: Face it honey, I'm the only other who thinks Chester is innocent. Besides, it all reminds me of a Detective Conan case anyway, except with no blood loss.
Timmy: Right. Let's check the crime scene first.
(Timmy walks over to the display case.)
Timmy: Hmm...I see...
Timmy: I see why Sherlock Holmes always carries that magnifying glass with him. I can't make out what this is. (Points to the ground near the case. Broken shards of glass lie about.)
Tootie: I think this will be important to look at. (Taking out a small pair of tweezers and a pouch, Tootie carefully removes some yellow fibers from the ground.) Now then, time for some photos.
Timmy: There's not much to look at. We know someone did break into the auditorium, and we know they broke the glass case.
Tootie: Yeah, but I have a hunch... (Searching through the bag she carries, Tootie hands Timmy a pair of goggles.) Put these on.
Timmy: Ick. Tacky.
Tootie: These are special goggles. The lenses filter out special types of chemicals.
Timmy: I get it! (Puts goggles on his face.) Say...there seems to be a set of footprints leading out to the back. Still fresh from what I can tell. And it looks like there was something...dragged on the floor.
Tootie: Where are the footprints at?
Timmy: Right there. (Tootie takes a picture with the camera.)
Tootie: And this last little test will help test a little theory of mine. (Pulls out a small booklet.
Timmy: Looks like a Chick Tract.
Tootie: Eww, don't remind me.
(Later, at the hot tub.)
Timmy: Wow, this is where Chad & Tad hang out? This is more than just a hot tub.
(The hot tub in question is a large, cylindrical shaped chamber, with wood paneling. One large window on the door gives a view inside the hot tub.)
Tootie: I'll say.
Timmy: It looks like it doubles as a sauna too, from the looks of it.
Tootie: This is the meeting area for the Young Millionaire's Club. The only other member, Trixie, was getting her hair done.
Timmy: Interesting... (Timmy walks around the hot tub.) Hey, this hot tub comes with its own generator.
Tootie: Really? That's rather...convenient.
Tootie: C'mon. I've got a hunch about this. (Tosses Timmy a pair of bathing trunks.)
Timmy: WHAT! Hey, we're supposed to be investigating a theft, not relaxing at a possible crime scene.
Tootie: I know. Trust me.
(Inside the hot tub.)
Timmy: So, what made you want to join the Young Sleuth Club anyway?
Tootie: My mom's a mystery buff. She read Sherlock Holmes to me every day since the 1st grade. She said I had a real eye for detail.
Timmy: That would explain how you were able to get all that footage of me when I was running around naked downtown.
Tootie: I've been meaning to ask, how did that happen anyway? Not that I care about the HOW...
Timmy: It's a long, embarrassing idiot related story. I just have to concentrate on getting Chester free.
Tootie: Oh yeah. This won't be like Adam West. What made you hang out with that guy anyway? He's rather...
Tootie: That would be a compliment.
Timmy: Adam's pretty cool, in his own way. And he's bailed me out of many jams before. I kinda owe him.
Tootie: That's pretty noble of you.
Timmy: What, I'm not?
Tootie: The word 'shallow' tends to pop up every now and then.
Timmy: I am not shallow! (Tootie hands Timmy his Wikipedia entry.) Wow, I'm on Wikipedia?
Tootie: You and Adam share a page in the 'Paranormal Individuals of Dimmsdale' section. I heard that Adam is also the mayor of a town called-(a beeping sound went off.) I thought so.
Tootie: I set an alarm outside for 30 minutes. My watch was also set for that time.
Timmy: But I didn't hear-SAY...are you saying...
(Later that evening, at Timmy's house. Timmy is eating dinner with his family.)
Timmy: So what do you think?
Dad: Wow, sounds pretty solid son. If your scenario pans out, you definitely just might be able to get Chester off! More importantly, we get a new hot tub!
Mom: This reminds me of a scene right out of Encyclopedia Brown.
Mom: Encyclopedia Brown is the title character in a series of books I read when I was a child. He would solve his father's toughest cases at the dinner table.
Timmy: Wow, both you and Tootie have something in common.
Dad: Which reminds me son, when are you gonna invite your girlfriend over for dinner?
Timmy: She's not my girlfriend!
Dad: Riiiight. (winks at Mom, holding up a video labeled 'Declaration of Love For True Love')
Timmy: This is one of those things I'll understand when I'm older, right?
Timmy: What do you mean you can't help me out? It's not against 'Da Rules' is it?
Wanda: No sweetie. Normally we would love to help you out...
Cosmo: But in a sheer case of coincidence, I just happened to win an all expense paid 1 day only trip for me & Wanda to Valhalla! Yay coincidence!
Wanda: It's probably better this way. I'm fairly certain Crocker will be keeping an eye on you the entire trial.
Timmy: You're right. And with everything Tootie and I found, we stand a good chance at getting Chester off scott-free.
Cosmo: Just have faith in your girlfriend!
Timmy: She's not my girlfriend!
Cosmo: Riiight. (a TV poofs in. Cosmo plays video of Timmy declaring his girlfriend to be Tootie)
Timmy: Why me?
(The next day...Room 20-A, 3:30 PM. The room in question is set up like a small courthouse, with a large desk at the center. Crocker sits at the judge's desk, black robe on, gavel in hand. Timmy & Tootie sit with Chester.)
Timmy: So, how did your lab work go?
Tootie: Veronica should be back with the results right about...
Veronica: Sorry I'm late. My stylist took too long.
Chester: You stopped by a salon before you came here!
Veronica: HEY! Making a darn good entrance is my forte. And it came out exactly as you said.
Tootie: Good, it's all coming according to plan!
Chester: Your girlfriend better be right about this.
Timmy: She's not---oh why bother.
Tootie: Uh oh...here's the 'prosecutor' (glares at the prosecutor's desk. Sitting across from their location is Trixie.)
Timmy: Oh crud...she's not only a member of the Young Millionaire's Club, she's a member of the Young Prosecutor's Club too.
Chester: We have way too many job specific clubs.
(Crocker bangs his gavel.)
Crocker: Ladies and Gentlemen, the trial of Chester McBadbat will now begin. Is the prosecution ready?
Trixie: The prosecution is ready, your honor?
Crocker: Is the defense and his detective girlfriend ready?
Timmy: ARGGH! Um, we are ready, your honor.
Crocker: The prosecution will now make its opening statement.
Trixie: Thank you. Yesterday, the statue of Chompy, beloved town goat, was stolen from the display case in the auditorium. While there were several students here in the school, all of them, save one, have alibis. Chester is the only one unaccounted for and with a reasonable motive for stealing the goat.
Timmy: Pretty convincing. I mean, you are rather poor...
Timmy: I'm just messing with you.
Trixie: I will now share with you part of Chester's deposition, obtained yesterday. (Holds up a few papers.)
Chester: Well...here comes my secret.
Trixie: Chester claims that from 3:00 until 4:25, he was located in the old school tool shed, renovating it for his 'Frankie Muniz Fan Club.' If you will take a look at these floor plans...
(Trixie wheels out a large billboard with some blueprints.)
Trixie: ...the staircase to the power room is located a few feet from the shed itself. It is entirely possible that Chester could have gone over to the power room, shut the power off and then made his way to the auditorium, broken into the display & made off with the statue.
Crocker: Hmm...indeed. But how would he have access to the power room?
Trixie: Very easily, your honor. Several old tools are still inside the shed. He could have easily used on of them.
Crocker: Very sound theory...does the defense have anything to say to that?
Timmy: Well...I dunno...
Tootie: I have one.
Crocker: The bench recognizes Turner's girlfriend.
Tootie: The tools in question. Can we see them now?
Trixie: Of course you can. (Points to a pair of wire cutters on the evidence bench.) That is one of the tools found in the shed. Perfect for cutting locks, agree?
Timmy: Not really...look closer at that tool.
Crocker: Well, it's a rather old pair...hasn't really seen use since...WAIT! You're saying...
Timmy: Precisely. There's no way that the wire cutters in that tool shed could have been used. They're too rusted to be of any use!
Trixie: Tsk tsk tsk...
Tootie: Uh oh...I hate that sound.
Trixie: Then what if there was an alternate tool. Say...this shovel? (Points to the shovel on the table.)
Crocker: The accused claims that he was digging in the tool shed. There is a possibility that the shovel could have been used to break into the power room.
Timmy: Wait a sec... There are two rooms inside of the shed right? Chester claims that he was digging in one of these rooms...
Tootie: ...so it is entirely possible...someone else could have taken the tools and used them...or made it seem like they were being used.
Trixie: Surely you don't suggest there's been a set up?
Timmy: That's what we believe, your honor.
Trixie: In that case...my star witnesses will verify my claim.
Timmy: You must mean...
Trixie: the prosecution will now call Chad & Tad to the stand.
(Chad & Tad take the stand.)
Trixie: Even though it's not really needed, please state your names for the record.
Chad: Totally! We are the most popular students in school!
Tad: And the coolest!
Chad: And the wealthiest!
Tad: And the most eligible...
Timmy: (slams both hands on the desk) The defense moves that the witnesses GET ON WITH IT!
Crocker: For once I agree with Turner! Please refrain for pontificating and state names.
Chad: I'm Chad...
Tad: And I'm Tad.
Trixie: Right...now then, please give your testimony.
Chad & Tad: Of course.
Tootie: This is it, Timmy. The chance we have been waiting for.
/What We Saw/
Chad: It was about 4 in the afternoon...
Tad: We were in the hot tub discussing the latest Dimmsdale Stock Report...
Chad: That's when the power went out.
Tad: We waited for the power to turn back on...
Chad: And that's when we saw someone, about the size of Chester dragging something large across the floor.
Crocker: Hmm...seems credible. Turner, you may cross examine the witness.
Timmy: You bet I am...so, I'm correct in assuming both of you had used the hot tub right?
Chad: Duh, Turnip!
Tad: We ARE club members!
Timmy: Right, right...
Tad: Like we said...
Chad: That's when the power went out.
Tad: We waited for the power to turn back on...
Crocker: Uh, Turner, usually, that's said by the prosecution.
Timmy: I know...I just needed to clarify something. You said that the power went out, correct?
Tad: What are you, deaf?
Chad: The power in our hot tub went out.
Timmy: Your honor, what these two just said completely contradicts what we found.
Trixie: OBJECTION! The prosecution does not see how it could be contradicted. The hot tubs are located in the school grounds.
Tootie: True...but I think this photo will 'enlighten' you (hands Crocker a photo of the hot tub.)
Crocker: Hmmm, Cabin Master 4000 with fully functional sauna included.
Timmy: Note what the defense has circled.
Crocker: Say...this hot tub has...its own generator.
Trixie: That would mean...
Timmy: What it means is... (Points dramatically) There's no chance in heck the power could have gone off in the hot tub!
Crocker: Yes, this certainly puts the credibility of your testimony in question. Perhaps you'll want to amend it...
Tad: We may have fudged certain details.
Trixie: Continue then...
/The Hot Tub/
Chad: Ok, so we have messed up about the power...
Tad: But we are certain it was Chester!
Chad: Not only did it seem like it was him dragging the statue...
Tad: But we could recognize that grunt of his anywhere!
Trixie: Well...that seems like concrete evidence enough to me.
Crocker: Well Turner, any objections you have?
Timmy: Definitely. So, Chad, Tad...did I hear you right...did you say you heard Chester?
Chad: Yeah! The steam may have fogged up the glass...
Tad: But we could recognize that grunt of his anywhere!
Crocker: Ok, Turner's girlfriend has an objection too.
Tootie: I need to point out one detail...The Cabin Master 4000 is a remarkable model, your honor.
Crocker: How so?
Timmy: Not only does it keep heat in...
(Dramatic close up of Timmy' face with moving background.)
Timmy: IT KEEPS SOUND OUT!
Trixie: It...It's true! (Bangs fist on desk in anger)
Timmy: Your honor...the defense submits that it was not my client who stole the statue...BUT IT WAS CHAD & TAD!
Trixie: What? WHY? Can you provide proof?
Tootie: You better believe it!
Crocker: Very well...show me evidence that Chad & Tad could have been the culprits?
Timmy: We sure can! (hands over a photo.) TAKE THAT!
Crocker: There was no need for that...hmmm, these are photos taken of the crime scene using a special filter. And there are...2 sets of footprints!
Trixie: But it could be footprints of Chester and an accomplice
Timmy: You are right about one thing... but it wasn't Chester.
Tootie: I checked the footprints using a special litmus test. There was a concentration of chlorine that was found in the prints. Chester's shoes have the same dirt in them from the tool shed.
Timmy: The only source of chlorine had to have come from the hot tub!
Timmy: But you are right...they did have an accomplice.
Tootie: The only other person without an alibi and access to the power room...THE JANITOR!
Janitor: Uh oh.
Tootie: I found this at the crime scene. When I did the test, I found it was straw from a broom. Yet, when we arrived, there was no broom in the janitor's hands. And there is also this! (Gives the judge a photo.)
Veronica: I was acting on a hunch. I took a picture of the front of the power room yesterday and gave it to Tootie.
Timmy: Notice anything, your honor?
Crocker: Wait a sec...there's no evidence of break in!
Timmy: Exactly! There's no way that those two could have lifted the statue themselves! This was all an coordinated heist, tailored to make Chester the scapegoat!
Trixie: Ok, but how did they know WHEN to pull it off? The hot tub is soundproof, right.
Tootie: Right...but then again, there is one other way...what time is it?
Timmy: Wait for it...wait for it.
(at 4:00, the watches on the wrists of Chad, Tad & the janitor go off.)
Timmy: Chad & Tad wanted the Chompy statue for themselves, but the mayor was not even willing to sell it to them. So, seizing the opportunity that was given to them, they planned this whole setup.
Tootie: They bribed the janitor into helping them, and then waited until they knew Chester was alone to act. At 4:00, the power was cut and the two grabbed a wheelbarrow, which was nearby. They met up at the auditorium and then had the janitor break the display case.
Timmy: That sums it up nicely.
Janitor: ...you got us...so much for my Tahiti holiday.
(A few minutes later, after the court dies down & the trio are taken away...)
Crocker: I must say, Turner...you and your girlfriend...
Crocker: ...really surprised the court. And you didn't even need to use your...FAIRY GODPARENTS!
Timmy: Whatever. So, now what...
Crocker: Not only do you get an A+ for your legal skills & detective work...
Tootie: And free hot tubs!
Crocker: I also now declare Chester McBadbat...
(The courtroom cheers)
Veronica: So...you're a fan of Frankie Muniz?
Chester: Yeah...something about his voice impresses me.
Veronica: Me too! Are there any other club members?
Chester: Just Adam West...but he's off being mayor in some town right now...
Timmy: Wow, thanks Tootie. We saved Chester, got free hot tubs & got an A+.
Crocker: Not a sign of the end times, not a sign of the end times....
Timmy: I guess I owe you more than a trip to the Chomp Action Exhibit.
Tootie: I've got an idea!
Timmy: I was afraid of that.
(The next day. Timmy is in the hot tub with Tootie, Mom & Dad.)
Mom: So, you like Encyclopedia Brown too?
Tootie: You bet! I especially like how his friend Sally beats up that bully!
Dad: Wow, this hot tub with optional sauna & removable walls was the best thing you ever got from your girlfriend Timmy!
Timmy: She's not my girlfriend.
Timmy: ... (Timmy holds up tape recorder with Elmer's voice proclaiming his love of academia. An angry mob of students shows up.)
Elmer: I went too far, didn't I?
Timmy: Yes. Yes you did.
(Elmer runs for his life as the crowd gives chase.)
The Author recommends these items if you love a good mystery or comedy and a bit of horror-
The Sign of Four
Case Closed (Detective Conan) Vol. 1-10 (manga and anime available from Viz)
The Castle of Cagliostro
Hound of the Baskervilles
Relic & Reliquary by Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child
Lupin the 3rd
Phoenix Wright-Ace Attorney