FicWad

Categories > Original > Sci-Fi

Reviews

• Wild

  (#) MarkPoa 2006-12-28

  Not bad. I'm not sure about the choice of title though... since I'm not sure how it fits into the story.
  
  I support experimental styles in writing, but there seems to be some part in the first group of dialogue that was confusing, where I kinda lost track of who was saying what. This also made the "Years pass" line a bit jarring. Could there possibly be a way to indicate the passage of time aside from that? Maybe consistent page-breaks or lines (*) instead?

  Author's response

  Thanks for the comments. Where exactly did the first block lose you? On the 'years pass' line, that doesn't seem to fit, I admit. Some sort of separator line might work, but it is important to get across the significant passage of time.
  
  On the title, from the some points of view, the main character has 'gone wild'.

• Wild

  (#) MarkPoa 2007-01-03

  On rereading, I think it was due to the first line being split up. "Sir?" and the second line were both spoken by the ship, right? The confusion I think was also enhanced by the line "That's hardly the issue," which I thought was said by the ship. But it was cleared up on rereading.

• Wild

  (#) Cobalt-Blue 2007-01-06

  Now this was a very original story, and I am genuinely impressed. I hope to see more soon. If I could make a suggestion, if you could change the type face for the ship's voice, it might make it easier to understand.
  
  Danny

• Wild

  (#) ladyjasmine 2007-10-22

  Interesting story. You've set the tone and the story with the minimal of just using conversation.
  
  While I found it a little difficult to follow at first (just remembering when the captain was speaking and when the ship was speaking), I think it would help if there was more moments to indicate when the captain was speaking or being addressed. Maybe a few more moments of addressing a high ranking officer?
  
  Other than that, I was surprised to realize it was a ship. Nice twist.

  Author's response

  Hmm. People have suggested different fonts or colors before, which I don't care for because I think they would detract from the minimalism of it. But peppering a few 'sir's throughout the ship's speech might provide some nice reference points. Something worth thought, in any case.
  
  Thanks for reading it, I'm glad you it.

• Wild

  (#) Rous 2007-11-05

  Extremely interesting. I figured out the characters fairly soon, but that did not detract from the enjoyment of the story.
  
  One suggestion about differentiating the two characters: you could write the ship's voice in italics, if the site posted will allow it.
  
  I was pleasantly surprised at this. Very nicely penned.
  
  Thank you for sharing.

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