Remus is working too hard but when Sirius tries to tell him to stop, the situation becomes awkward and complicated.
Pairings: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Summary: Remus is working too hard but when Sirius tries to tell him to stop, the situation becomes awkward and complicated.
Rating: R (just to make sure)
Warnings: implied sexual activity
Disclaimer: The original characters come from the mind of J K Rowling. I don't own them and I'm certainly not making any profit from this.
Beta: darklove_zorg (Live Journal and Greatest Journal)
Notes: There was originally going to be sex scene at the end of this but when it came to the final part, I decided to end in a fluffy way. It seemed the perfect way to end it after I saw this picture: http://www.kamapon.com/GreenStation/Greennuevo/gifts/sirius_remus3.jpg
Dedication: This fanfic is written for my good friend, Julie who loves Gary Oldman as well as Remus, Sirius and the love they have for together as much as I do. Her helpful criticism and editing of my previous fics, "Releasing the Pressure" and "Sirius' Pain" have been most helpful. I would like to thank her for editing them and this fic. You can read some of her lovely Sirius/Remus fic here: http://www.adultfanfiction.net/aff/authors.php?no=8602
Review: Yes please
Sirius was sat in the Gryffindor common room, talking with his best friend, James Potter and James' latest girlfriend, Lily Evans. Sirius liked Lily- she was the only one of James' girlfriends so far who even tried to be a part of the Mauraders. She could never be a true member, but even so she was the only one who respected that James had a very close relationship with Remus, Sirius and Peter. She was also bright and very funny.
However, Sirius found that tonight, he could not concentrate on his companionship. He could not help but think about Remus. He was worried about him. The Mauraders were now in their seventh year and the NEWTs were a trial for them all, even for the smarter students. Sirius knew that Remus was a workaholic but now, he was busier than ever. He did not seem to do anything except study, except for one night a month when he had to turn into a werewolf. It did not help much that Remus was being pestered by Peter who constantly asked him questions about the set homework. In the past, he had watched in the common room as Remus would patiently try to explain the homework but it would not be long before Peter would pester Remus again. Eventually, Remus would come close to losing his patience and tell him to leave him alone.
However, for the last few nights, Remus had not turned in the common room which Sirius found to be strange behaviour, and cause for concern. He used to watch Remus secretly as he studied in the farthest corner of the room, away from everyone else. No one understood why, not even his closest friends. Sirius missed watching his friend buried in a pile of books, trying to keep his reputation as the most hard-working student in the school.
"Sirius, are you enjoying the view?"
Sirius turned towards James and Lily at the sound of his name, "What?"
Lily said with a smile, "I simply asked you if you were enjoying watching that empty corner. I never realised I was so boring"
Sirius answered "No. No. No. I'm just thinking about Remus. He's not turned up in the common room for the last few days. It seems like, after tea, he vanishes into thin air. "
After a quick thought, James looked concerned. "Yeah he has but I'm not surprised. I mean, would you want to be in the same room with him pestering you?" he asked, nodding towards Peter who was obviously struggling with his homework.
Sirius shrugged his shoulders, "I guess but I'm just worried."
James looked shocked, "You, worried? I never thought that you, the great and carefree Sirius could be worried? I never thought I'd see the day." He pointed a finger towards the window and moved his finger through the air "I think I can see flying Chocolate Frogs outside."
Sirius laughed, "I can worry too, you know." He stood up and started to walk away. "I'm going to go and find him."
James said, "Why spend all night searching for him when you can look at.... you know what?"
Sirius had a thought on what he meant and then suddenly he knew. "Ah I understand"
And he got up from his chair and walked out of the common room. He went to his bed in the dormitory and took a bit of a parchment from his chest of drawers. He handled it with tender love and care. This was because this parchment was special- he had the Maurader's Map in his grasp. The map could indicate where any one person was anywhere in Hogwarts. He searched the map for Remus' name to appear and eventually he found it. The dot indicating Remus was stationary, and it appeared that he was alone in the room that he was in. He knew then where Remus was and where he had probably been hiding himself for the past few days.
Sirius found the proper floor, walking down the corridor until he came to a door. He knew it was the right door because it faced an enormous tapestry depicting Barnabas the Barmy and trolls. He walked past the door and then he turned around and walked past it again and then he turned around and walked past it a third time. As he walked, he concentrated on what he wanted. He then walked towards the door and opened it.
The walls of the room were covered in bookshelves which were literally filled with books of all shapes and sizes. There was a table and a chair in the middle of the room and sitting at the table was none other than Remus Lupin. Sirius stared at him for a few minutes. Remus had his left hand on his forehead as he was straining to concentrate, his wild mop of hair flowing over his youthful face. His right hand was frantically and constantly writing, his quill moving across the parchment so quickly, it looked to Sirius that it was not even touching the paper. It was a sight that Sirius had seen a thousand times and yet there was different about Remus tonight, something more tempting. He was tempted to go over to Remus, take him away from his books and kiss him passionately. He could never do that because he knew that Remus would turn him away. But the thought of being his was a dream that stayed with him every night.
Instead, after shutting the door silently, he walked slowly and quietly towards Remus trying not to make a sound. However it did not seem to work as, Remus, without looking up from his book, said, "What do you want, Sirius?"
Sirius asked "How did you know it was me?"
"I have a distinct sense of smell, remember?" his voice sounding on edge and agitated, "So what do you want?"
"I just wanted to see that you were alright."
"I'm fine." Remus said with a yawn.
Sirius bended his knees until he was at Remus' eye level and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You're not fine. You're tired. You've been studying for several hours since after tea. You need to rest."
Remus insisted, "I don't need to rest. I just need to study. Now please leave me alone."
He went back to his studying, mumbling under his breath as he returned to his homework. Sirius looked carefully at his close friend and saw for the first time just how much of a wreck he was turning himself into. Dark circles were showing beneath his eyes and his face was even whiter than normal, which was obviously due to lack of sleep. On impulse, he snatched the quill from Remus' hand and tossed it across the room.
Remus immediately turned to his friend, "What did you do that for?"
"To get you to stop. You've been at this studying for hours. Please come to the common room and relax."
"No! I have to get this done!"
Sirius looked at the piles of books and the parchments covered with Remus' legible and beautiful writing. "What, all this?" he asked, "Remus, I know the NEWTs are this year."
Remus laughed, "As if you care. I have hardly seen you study!"
Sirius insisted, "I do study. I just know when to take a break. You should look in the mirror sometime, Remus. You are wearing yourself out. Yes, do study but leave it for tonight. Please."
He started to get up from his chair to retrieve his quill but then Sirius grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him down on his chair again. In the heat of the moment, Sirius launched himself onto Remus and kissed him. Sirius was just as surprised as Remus was but he carried on kissing him passionately. He wanted this. It felt right. He wanted the kiss to last forever but then just as quickly as the kiss had started; it was over as Remus pushed away his friend, sending Sirius to the ground.
Remus stood up and cowered over Sirius "What in the hell do you think you're doing?"
Sirius was, for once, lost for words. He did not know what he was doing. All he knew was that it felt right to kiss the one person he saw as his soul mate.
Remus continued, "Is this what it was about? Stop me studying so I can be your next sexual conquest?"
Sirius was surprised, "Sexual conquest? No."
"This is just a game to you, isn't it? You've had your way around everyone in our year so now it's my turn is it?"
For once, Sirius was afraid. He had never seen Remus this angry before. "Remus, you don't understand..."
"Oh Sirius, just get lost. Go on. Piss off."
Sirius had never heard Remus swear before so he knew he was serious. He got up and walked out of the room without looking back. He wanted the floor to swallow him whole. He could not face anyone tonight so he decided to go to bed. He went back to the bed in his room and got ready for bed. He then pulled the drapes to indicate he wanted privacy. He got into bed and thought about what had just occurred.
For possibly the first time in his life, he began to cry. He had never cried in his life not even when his family had called him a disgrace. He did not care about them but he cared about Remus so much and now he had done something completely reckless and may have destroyed a seven year friendship in the process. And once Remus told Peter and James what happened, they were never going to speak to him again. He knew he was a very popular guy but those younger pupils who adored and idolised him- that was nothing compared to the strong bond he shared with the Mauraders. They were more than his friends. They were his family. And now he had lost them forever.
He placed his head in his pillow and cried himself to sleep. He never heard James or Peter come up to bed and he never heard their conversation about where was Remus and why was the carefree Sirius crying in his pillows?
Remus had not returned at all that night. Either that or he had got up before dawn because when Sirius woke up 6am to check Remus' bed, it looked as if it had never been slept in. Sirius was worried and wanted to check to see if he was still in the Room of Requirement but he knew Remus would probably tell him to go away.
Sirius was secretly relieved when Remus arrived in the Great Hall for breakfast. That is until, he saw Remus sit next to Peter and as far away from Sirius as he could get without causing suspicion to Peter and James. Also, Sirius saw that Remus looked even more tired than last night.
James said, "Are you okay, Remus? Been burning the candle at both ends again?"
"Hmm" was the only response from Remus as he shrugged his shoulders, deliberately trying to ignore Sirius.
The day was hell for Sirius. Remus sat next to him in every class they had together (because there was no other places to sit) but Remus ignored Sirius and did not talk to him. He could not concentrate on any of his lessons, much to the dismay of his teachers and the smugness of Severus Snape. He hated the tension between the pair of them and during the morning and afternoon breaks, he spent his time away from the Mauraders. He went to the Room of Requirement and cried.
When classes were over for the day, Sirius had never been more relieved. He was the first out of the classroom and he went straight up to his bed, pulled the drapes and just curled up. The tension between him and Remus had been dreadful and mentally exhausting. He just wanted to sleep.
He never got the chance to because a few minutes later, his drapes were opened and there were Peter, Lily and James standing before him.
Sirius pulled his pillow over his head and mumbled, "Oh leave me alone please."
James wrenched the pillow from his head and threw it across the bed. "No, not until you tell us what in the hell is going on between you and Remus."
Sirius looked at him in shock, "You mean, Remus never told you?"
James shook his head, "No. He's been as distant as you have. We probably would have more chance of getting a nice word out of Snape than getting him to talk. We know something is wrong and we want to know."
James, Lilly and Peter sat on the edge of the bed and James closed the drape and placed a Silencing Charm on the area.
"Right," he said, "We're in total privacy. What is said here stays here. So please talk."
Sirius shook his head, "No."
Lilly placed her hand on Sirius' hand and spoke softly, "Please."
He stared at Lily and saw the warmth and love in her eyes. He looked at his two best friends and they looked as equally concerned as she was. He sighed and sat up on his bed and huddled his legs to his chest.
"Okay, I'll tell you. Last night I found Remus and tried to tell him that he needed a rest. He said no and then just on impulse, I threw his quill across the room and I.... I......"
James said, "You what?"
Sirius closed his eyes and said, "I kissed him."
He slowly opened his eyes and saw his friends with their mouths open in shock. James asked, "You...... WHAT?"
"I kissed him."
Lily was the first to smile. "Well finally!" and laughed.
Sirius gasped, "What are you talking about?"
James laughed, "It's obvious. We've seen you two glancing at each other when you think the other one is not looking. We know how you feel about each other."
Sirius' eyes widen "So you mean you know I was..... that way?"
James scoffed, "What? You mean, gay? Well we had our suspicions."
"And you lot are comfortable with that?"
"Of course. Why shouldn't we be?"
Sirius did not know what to say to that so he ignored the question. "Wait a minute, if Remus has been glancing at me, why would he push me away? And he also mentioned sexual conquests but I have never been like that. I admit I have kissed people but that was all it ever was."
James shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't know. Why don't you go and ask him?"
Sirius shook his head. "Because he won't talk to me. He won't listen."
Lily said, "How do you know? You've not even tried."
"Oh. I don't know......"
James joked, "Oh, go on. You've never been one to not take risks. Take a chance."
He showed Sirius the open map and Sirius could see Remus was in the Room of Requirement again. He suddenly felt a burst of courage and walked out of the bedroom, down the stairs and to the very room. After walking past it three times, he walked in and there he was. Only this time Remus was not studying. He was laid on a large bed staring at the wall furthest away from Sirius.
As Sirius shut the door, Remus sniffed the air and then said, "Go away, Sirius."
Sirius said "No" and walked with confidence towards Remus and he sat down at the edge of the bed. "We need to talk. You don't need to look at me but we need to talk."
Remus said "We have nothing to talk about."
"Yes we do and you know it. I need to explain."
"I know what you are going to say. You got bored and horny and needed sexual release. All your past conquests were not interested so you came to your last resort."
Sirius was saddened by the hurt tone in Remus' voice but he still did not look at him. He looked at his hands and said, "Well if that is what you think of me, then our friendship means nothing."
"Well its true, isn't it? After all, we all know about your past sexual conquests. You're infamous."
Sirius tried to think. Past conquests? Who had been spreading rumours about him? And then he remembered.
"Are you talking about Gabrielle Thurkell?"
"Well, she's one I've heard about."
"Well then she should be cursed because she is a compulsive liar."
Remus turned to stare at Sirius' back, "What?"
Sirius sighed, "It happened a few months ago. We were in this very room. She opened the door and there were all these candles and a big fluffy bed. We had decided beforehand that that night would be our special night. I took off my clothes and she took off hers and we were lying on the bed. And then, as I saw her completely naked, I realised I couldn't go through it. I told her I was sorry and got dressed and left in a flash. The next day, she had told everyone that we had done it and that I was a Casanova. She even named people I had supposedly done it with and they were all lies. But with my reputation, everyone wanted to do it with me so no one disputed her story because everyone wanted to believe they had been in bed with the great Sirius Black." He emphasised the word great with a sarcastic tone in his voice.
Remus asked, "So everything she said was untrue?"
Sirius nodded. "Every single word."
Remus shook his head in disbelief, "But why? Gabrielle is beautiful. You said it yourself. Why did you reject her?"
Sirius started to tremble. He was nervous now. "Because I'm in love with someone else and I'm too scared to tell them how I feel."
"Well, if you're so in love with this person, why did you kiss me?"
Sirius turned to Remus with tears in his eyes and cried, "Because it's YOU I'm in love with, you idiot!" And with that, the tears fell.
Remus was gobsmacked "What?"
"You heard me the first time."
"But if you're in love with me, why did you go off kissing off all those girls? In public, might I add?"
"Because I was in denial. I've loved you for years but I thought that it wasn't right. I thought it was only right for guys to like girls so I went a bit bonkers and kissed every female who would let me but I was kidding myself. And then I saw Gabrielle naked on the bed and that's when I realised that it was not women that I wanted. And also, you're my best friend. I didn't want to destroy such a strong friendship like ours." The tears came faster now. "But I have, haven't I? In just two minutes, I ruined it all didn't I? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." And with that, he sobbed in his hands.
Remus suddenly felt his heart break. He had never seen Sirius cry before and this was all too much. In that moment, he believed every word that Sirius had said and he couldn't bear to see his best friend cry. With a tear falling down his face, Remus wrapped his arms around his sobbing friend and he sighed, knowing he had to tell the truth.
"I'm sorry too, Sirius. I've been such a prat."
Sobbing, Sirius asked, "Why?"
Remus declared, "Because I love you too."
Sirius looked up and stared at his friend "What?"
Remus smiled softly, "You heard me."
"Then why did you push me away last night?"
"I told you. I believed all those lies that you had a lot of sexual conquests. And I didn't want to be used like that."
Sirius felt a lump in his throat "Remus, I promise you. I would never do that to you. Never"
Remus reached down and stroked Sirius' damp face. "I know that now. I know."
And then they kissed. How their lips met was a blur to them and they only knew it happened when they each felt wet lips touching. Remus had his head bent towards Sirius as he stroked his face. Sirius had never felt this whole, this complete. This was what he had been searching for when he had kissed the others. This whole good feeling that filled his heart so full it was fit to burst. He knew then that he and Remus fit like a glove on a hand. And Remus felt the same, that they were destined to be.
The kiss became more passionate with Remus inserting his tongue in Sirius' mouth. Sirius went from a sitting position to a kneeling position as they kissed so he was at an equal level to Remus. They ran their hands over each other's bodies and the kiss seemed to last a lifetime but they did not care. All that mattered to them was this one moment.
Later, they lay together still clothed on the bed. Sirius' back was rested against the headboard and Remus was lying on his chest. Sirius was unconsciously stroking and playing with Remus' short but unruly hair. They wanted to lie there all night and just feel the love the moment had given them. There would be time for more intimate scenes in the future but for now, all they wanted to do was lie together and just feel the love that had been repressed until now.
"So, Remus" Sirius asked absent-mindly, "Are you going to study tonight?"
Remus shook his head, "No. Just like you said, we all need to relax from time to time" He snuggled more into Sirius' shirt-clad chest, "And I can think of no way to relax than being here with you."
Sirius could not have agreed more.