It had been a few weeks since I had moved to the center, and I was beggining to get annoyed with the lack of civilisation here. I had two roommates, one phychiatrist, one specialist, and an advisor. Five people to talk to. I wasn't allowed to acknowledge anyone else, as I was what they called a 'Newbie.' Apparently after 2 months, I got to talk to other people. If I have to wait till then, I think i'll go mad. Seriously.
My two roommates are fine, I get on quite well with them. Lexi, came around the same time I did, and is supposed to leave the same time. Evie, is leaving about two months before us. We all have quite a bit in common, especially Lexi and I, as we both work as photographers. We had talked about our situations, and they were similar, apart from the fact her problem was heroine, and not coke. I had already deemed her my best friend in here. Hopefully when we get out of this shithole aswell.
My advisor and specialist were okay, if you like annoying bossy types. Although, if I met them on the outside, I would probably be friends with them. Alex, my advisor, was only two years older than myself, and my specialist, Dawn, was only four years older. It was actually nice to talk to people your own age. At least I didn't feel alone.
My phychiatrist, on the other hand, was a different story. Martin, was pushing forty, and was the most boring person I had ever met in my life. I think he needs some drugs to make him happy.
But enough about him. I'll tell you what has been going on.
Jump to today, where I am sitting in my bunk, reading a newspaper, with Alex watching me. I feel like a prisoner. They say that you can't do anything that might hurt your health without supervision. Apparently, reading was bad for me. A few weeks ago, about three days after I came in, a girl used a newspaper to give herself papercuts all over her body. She suffered serious blood loss, and is now in a coma. So now, thanks to her, we have to be supervised while reading. It's a load of complete bullshit.
So i'm sitting here, being watched, reading my newspaper. I glance up to see Alex playing with her shoes, and I look back at my newspaper. Obviously Alex doesn't think much of this new rule either. I turn my paper to the cartoons and quiz page, and laugh at one of the childish cartoons. I hear a movement, and Alex talks to me.
"Something funny in there? I could do with a laugh," I shook my head.
"It's just boring crap." I looked back down. Okay, I forgot to mention I was running on emotion-tense strings lately. Without cocaine, drink or cigarettes, anyone who annoyed me was going to get a mouth full. Alex nodded.
"Okay then." She looked back down at her shoes, and played with the laces again. It was about that time that Evie and Lexi came back from their lunch. I was a fast eater, so had gotten back to the dorms quicker than them. Lexi sighed and walked up to me. Another thing Lexi and I had in common; We were both bitches at the moment, without our drugs.
"Reading again I see? Geeky bitch." I laughed and slapped her in the arm.
"Shut it hoe. Jealousy is a negative feeling -" Lexi carried on for me.
"- you shouldn't let yourself be consumed by it. Yeah yeah. Dr Anson giving you lectures on jealousy again?" I giggled and threw my paper at Alex. She rolled her eyes and stomped out of the room, taking the paper with her.
"No, I just find that phrase fucking hilarious," She nodded. I looked over at Evie, who was staring at the ceiling with her back to us.
"Ev, you okay?" She ignored me, and Lexi tapped me in the arm.
"She's in stage three. Depression leading to suicidal behaviour." I laughed, and looked over to Evie. I felt sorry for her, but it didn't show in my expressions. My motto these days was; 'Life's a bitch, so be one.'
I remembered the stages that Dr Anson had told everyone.
Stage One; 'Denial to problems, leading to outrage at the idea of a problem to do with ones-self.'
"Most people," He said to me, "Go through this stage before they even come to the center. Like you. You are on stage two," So he carried on.
Stage two; 'Acceptance and understanding, Leading to caution and willing to try.'
"These people," He began, "Are the hardest to cope with. Their emotions run high, and you never know if they will be angry, sad, happy, or just a pain in the ass." His words, not mine. He told me about number three.
Stage three; 'Depression and Dementure, leading to suicidal behaviour, and in some cases, manic depression.'
"These people, tend to be quiet and self contained, and this stage can last up to 4 months." He looked at me when he said this, and I felt the end of this god-awful speech approaching.
Stage four; 'Another stage of acceptance.'
"When people arrive at this stage, we are usually ready to send them home. We usually want to keep them in for a month or so after this stage, but it is common for this to be the last stage."
Go back to where we are now. Observing Evie in the begginings of her third stage, as we look on and laugh at her. I know however, that Lexi is thinking the same thing as I am; 'We'll be going through that soon.'
I hadn't thought about him since I had arrived here, and I wondered why I was thinking about him now. He would be so proud of me, all of them would. I wish they could visit me, but I know it's not possible. That's why I'm making so much effort, because of Pete and the guys. I know they want me to do this.
It's hard, but i'm getting there.
Well, thats what I think. But I have no idea what is going to happen in a few days.