Esther is overcome that Ion has chosen to leave and she, once again, can doing nothing
I awoke to find Ion in the room. The look on his face, as he looked at me, was indescribable.
"Ion?" I asked with worry in my voice.
"I have to go," he replied not daring to look at me, "And you need to leave the palace as soon as possible."
"Ion what are you taking about?" I asked as I went to sit up and winced in pain.
"Please don't move that much Esther," He replied, "Just try to take it easy and when you have strength you will go with Abel, who will help you find somewhere to go."
"Why can't I--
"Esther!" Ion yelled, "Don't make this harder than it already is!"
My eyes filled with tears. Just when he was finally starting to open up and actually have feelings for me it's all going to end. As is always does...
"How long will you be gone?" I managed to choke out between sobs.
"That I do not know," he replied, "I must do everything in my power to find him and I must leave as soon as I can."
He started pacing back and forth.
"Why is it that I have to leave here?" I asked.
"Because you are in danger," he replied, "Radu could come here even when I go and leave to search for him. If he does he won't hesitate to kill you Esther or anyone else he sends to do his doing."
"I can take care of my--
"Esther," Ion replied coming over to me his red eyes fuming, "Stop being so stubborn and just do what I tell you it is for the best."
"Don't be so stubborn?" I asked almost mocking him, "You should be the one to talk! You are stubborn that you don't see that I am willing to do anything to help you because I care. I have always cared through all of this. At first I thought hiding it that maybe it would go away or if I tried to ignore the feeling I get when I am with you that it might go away, that one day I might be stronger but I find that I am the strongest when I am with you."
I reached my hand up and gently grazed his cheek. I ran my finger over the cut that hit just below his right eye. He reached his own hand up and wiped a tear from my eye.
"I don't want to be away from you," I replied, "I have fought too hard to lose this all...to lose you."
"Esther this is too hard," he replied backing away, "This isn't going to work, I can't be with you because every moment you are with me you are in danger and most of all the danger and hurt you have felt is from me and I can't tell you how sorry I am but--
I raised my hand to stop him. I looked into his eyes and slowly our lips touched. Only this time it wasn't as nice as the first time. It didn't make me feel as light as a feather and it didn't make the aching in my heart stop either. I broke the kiss and looked down at the floor.
"Please let me come," I replied, "Don't leave me behind. I don't want to be left behind again. I don't want to be alone...I don't want to be forgotten."
"If you come you will be killed," he replied, "You have so much more to live for Esther, you still have time to do so many things. If you get killed I won't be able to forgive myself either."
"Well that's a chance that I am going to take," I replied.
"Esther," he sighed, "you can't even stand up how are you--
I removed the covers from my body and let my feet hang over the bed. Then I slowly lifted myself until I stood fully upright. I stood there tall even though my whole body hurt and was shaking.
"I can go I will be fine," I replied, "I will defend myself I promise. I won't get in your way...I promise."
He turned to face me as he stood up from the bed and made his way toward me. He lightly kissed my forehead and embraced me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I wrapped my arms around his neck. His body felt warm against mine and I let my tears hit the bare skin of his neck.
"Please I don't want you to leave," I said as he held me tighter.
"Esther I am an Earl, a vampire, a totally different person," he replied, "You and I aren't supposed to go together you are just but a human."
"We can change that," I replied, "We have made it this far haven't we?"
He let go of me and stepped back.
"This has nothing to do with us anymore," he replied, "It has to do with my grandmother dying, and the searing pain I have to keep feeling because of Radu and his betrayal toward me. That's what everything is about."
I looked at him with sadness in my eyes. How stupid was I to think that he could put me ahead of something for even just a second. To think of something that was good in his life that was standing right in front of him and that wasn't going anywhere. I was in a daydream and we stood there in silence until I saw him walking away. I can't let this happen. It was all happening too fast. I ran toward him and felt my knees buckle beneath me but just before I thought I was going to fall I managed to wrap my arms around his waist. He stopped and then my knees hit the floor. I was quick to get up and go in front of him though will all the strength I could muster up I held my arms out in front of me to stop him. After, of course, getting his attention I pulled my nightgown down to espouse my neck.
"Please turn me into a vampire like you," I replied, "I know you know how to do it."
"Esther," Ion replied taking my hands and putting them do, "No I would never do that. I can't do that to you...not now ...not ever."
"If you leave we won't see each other again," I replied, "Who knows where I will be when you come back if you do. Don't you care? Please put down the barrier Ion, let it down like you once did, so that I may cross it because it's only me. It's always been just me."
"Esther I this can't happen," he replied as he gently moved me aside out of his way, "I need to get ready to leave."
"No!" I yelled as loud as I could and latched on to his arm. My nails dug into his skin and my arm began to ache as well as my stomach but I knew I had to do no matter how much it hurt.
"I won't let you walk out of here," I replied, "You can't just leave and forget. You don't even know where to start Ion. You could wander around for years and not know where to look or where you will go next. You are being stupid! You aren't thinking this through. Think about what you say before you say it. Think about what you are doing before you do it."
Ion couldn't take it anymore. He bent down and slapped me in the face to shock me into letting his arm go but I didn't.
"Let go," he replied not wanting to hurt me as my nails dug even deeper into his skin as I held tighter. I saw that his eyes began to water but I didn't know if it was because I was hurting his arm or that he was realizing what he really was doing.
"I love you Ion" I replied looking up at him, "Please open your ears and soak up those words. I love you."
"Esther you are making this hard," He said looking away.
"It doesn't have to be," I replied, "None of this has to happen it could all end if you just stay or take me with you."
We stood there in silence after that and we didn't so much as try to look at each other. I still had a hold of his arm but I loosened my grip a bit. This wasn't going anywhere. We could have been here like this all night but I finally spoke.
"Just answer and tell me one thing before you go," I replied letting his arm go, "Did you or do you love me Ion?"
He hesitated for the longest time almost afraid to say anything.
"No," he replied almost as if lying because it come out just above a whisper. I shook my head and sat on the floor. The way I felt after he said that I didn't really know how to describe. I didn't know what to do or how to react. I didn't know what to do.
"I am sorry but I have to go," he replied, "Abel will be in here shortly. You have to understand that I need to do this Esther and I need to find Radu and make sure he is done for. I have to go and train and find new weapons and there would be no use for you to come. I can't say that I will be back because I don't know. All I know is that this must be done and Radu needs to be stopped and I know he is out looking for me and our paths will cross and when they do I want to be ready and there isn't a need for you to get involved. I am sorry...
Those were the last words I heard him say as he opened the door and headed to pack and get ready. I let him go this time and didn't say anything. I let my back rest against the wall. I closed my eyes as my world fell apart inside and out. He was just going to leave and we were going to be separated and I know he loved me he had to! He had to but what if he really didn't and was telling the truth. Well I guess it doesn't matter because we will never see each other again after today. He won't come back and even if he did prevail to kill Radu he would think he would have nothing to come back to. I know he will wonder what would have happened if he changed his mind and decided not to go through with this. All this time, it meant nothing, all those tears that I have cried, all the pain I endured, everything. It was at this time I wish that I could be carried away, to fade away like how the ocean carries the waves to the shore only to start again...only to start again...
Look at me, look into my eyes. Tell me do you see that I am always by your side or has the world got you down on your knees? Look at you, look into your heart. Tell me is there room for you to make a brand new start or has the world gotten to you and made you dark....
Still going I am working on the next chapter.
Return to Top