Categories > Movies > Star Wars

The Jedi Who Don't Do Anything!

by BabyCharmander 1 Reviews

Parody of the Veggie Tales silly song, "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything"

Category: Star Wars - Rating: G - Genres: Parody - Characters: Other - Published: 2005/08/20 - Updated: 2005/08/20 - 655 words - Complete

Hiya folks! BabyCharmander here... This here is my first song parody! Or rather... the first one I posted on a fan fiction website, anyway. This is a parody of the song "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" from Veggie Tales. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, nor do I own Veggie Tales.

On with the fic! Er... song parody!

---~~~---

Three Jedi are sitting in their Jedi Starfighters with their R2 units frantically trying to keep the ships airborne while their masters slouch around. These Jedi are a Twi'lek, a human, and a Zabrak. All three are slouching in their seats with their feet resting on the controls. They open their comlinks and break into a song.

"We are the Jedi who don't do anything!
We just stay here and lie around!
And if you ask us to do anything,
We'll just tell you...
'We don't do anything!'"

The human takes off his helmet and twirls it around with his finger while he lazily starts to sing...

"Well I've never been to Kashyyyk,
And I've never been to Naboo,
And I've never docked my starship down in Endor or Drall!
And I've never been to Tatooine,
And I've never been to Corellia,
And I've never been to Coruscant at all!"

The human puts his helmet back on and the Jedi continue to sing.

"We are the Jedi who don't do anything!
We just stay here and lie around!
And if you ask us to do anything,
We'll just tell you...
'We don't do anything!'"

The Zabrak scratches his horned head as he sings.

"Well I've never done a force choke,
And I've never used a mind trick,
And I've never held a duel with Darth Vader or Darth Maul!
And I've never trained a youngling,
And I've never talked to Yoda,
And I've never been to Coruscant at all!"

The Zabrak accidentally chips off one of his horns as he and his friends continue to sing.

"We are the Jedi who don't do anything!
We just stay here and lie around!
And if you ask us to do anything,
We'll just tell you...
'We don't do anything!'"

The Twi'lek's lekku twitch in hyperactivity as she sings.

"Well I've never eaten kohlm grass,
And I've never kissed a bantha,
And I never drove my starship clear through the Death Star's wall!
And I've never shaved a Wookiee,
And I've never smashed a probe droid,
And I've never been to Coruscant at all!"

The human sits up in his seat, looking over at the Twi'lek's ship incredulously. "Huh? What are you talking about? What does eating kohlm grass and shaving a Wookiee have to do with being a Jedi?"

The Zabrak super-glues his horn back on and nods. "Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about Jedi things!"

The human crosses his arms. "And who's ever kissed a bantha? That's just nonsense! Why even bring it up!?" He looks over at the Zabrak's ship. "Am I right? Huh? What do you think!?"

The Zabrak blinks for a moment. "I think you look like Han Solo."

"HUH!? What are you talking about!?"

"I'm calling Jabba."

"Oh go jump in the sarlaac!"

"Aye-aye, Captain Solo!" The Zabrak laughs until he hears a few shots fired by the human. He yelps in surprise and starts to fly his starship away as the human chases him, firing shots madly.

The Twi'lek, completely oblivious, continues her song as her two friends fly around in the background.


"And I've never poked a Gungan
And I've never sniffed a Jawa
And I've never tried to imitate a Kryat Dragon call!
And I've never worked for Jabba
And I don't look good in light pink..."

The human and the Zabrak return. The human heaves a sigh at his confused friend as he says, "You just don't get it."

The trio then sings the last line together:


"And we've never been to Coruscant at all!"
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