Gerard learns Monica understands about his feelings towards Liv. Monica is forced to face her past.
Guilt washed over him. She knew he was keeping a photo of an old girlfriend who had practically destroyed his life and yet all she said was "love you." He crawled in the small space next to her. Reaching down he grabbed the sketchbook and took the photo out. Once more he studied Liv's face and remembered the day. They had snuck away from everyone just to spend time alone. They had discovered a field of beautiful wildflowers. He had picked some of the flowers and made her a wreath he placed over her flowing blond hair. She had called him a hopeless romantic. He had told her how much he loved her and she had cried. It would always haunt him that he hadn't asked her why. The day had been one of the rare occasions when they weren't stoned out of their minds. When they had returned Liv's friend who was dating Brandon of the Used had snapped the photo.
He frowned; he had to stop thinking about Liv. The Liv in this photo didn't exist anymore. He laid back and took the photo between his fingertips intent on tearing it to pieces. Monica placed her hand on this arm "Don't Gee"
She had been watching him the whole time he was staring at the photo. "It's a sweet photo. Liv is beautiful."
He shook his head, "Monica you know I love you?"
She snuggled against him. "Gee I know you love me and that's why I don't want you to rip up the photo. Neither of us can change our past. Destroying any evidence of the past doesn't erase it from our minds. You and Liv were in love. Loving me now can't go back in time and change that fact."
He hugged her tighter and kissed the top of her head. "I love you so much. Thank you."
She yawned "I love you too but the medicine is making me so damn tired I can't keep my eyes open." She fell back asleep a few moments later as he watched. He gave the photo one more look then carefully, so that he didn't waken Monica, placed it back in the sketchbook.
The trip between Lincoln and Denver was a long one, almost 500 miles. The bus has pulled out just before 3:00 am. He listened to the sad song of the road. The tires on the pavement, the whirl of the passing vehicles, the occasional radio of a passing car. To him it had always been such a sad song. Now with Monica at his side it didn't seem lonely. Before falling asleep he did something he hasn't in a long time. He said a prayer from his childhood. It wasn't a prayer beseeching help; it was a prayer said in thanks.
Hours later Ray gently shook Monica, "Monica you need to wake up and take your medicine" he whispered. She opened her eyes and smiled "Are you my nurse on duty?"
He smiled "Yea, guess I am. All of us just want you to get better." She sat up as much as possible and swallowed the pills he gave her.
"Thanks Ray" she said, "I hope someday we can be good friends"
Ray gave her a surprised look, "Monica I already consider you a good friend. You and Gee are family to me. All of us consider you family. Remember that, OK?"
His words touched her. "You don't know how much that means to me."
He smiled and moved back to the front of the bus where the others were eating breakfast. "Is she better?" Mikey asked.
Ray nodded, "Yea, she seems to be better." He poured himself a bowl of Captain Crunch and took the first bite. He became lost in thought while chewing. "You know I really like Monica. At first I was worried because I thought Gerard was going to get hurt again. Now I'm sort of worried that she is the one who is going to be hurt."
Frank looked at him questioningly. "You think Gerard is going to hurt her?"
"No way, he's totally in love with her." Mikey put in. His cereal bowl was empty and he was trying to decide if he should fill it again.
Ray shook his head, "No that's not what I mean. Shit, I know Gerard is in love with her."
Frank nodded in agreement "I think I know what you mean. It's this whole business with that woman in Topeka. Something isn't right. Have you noticed how she seems so surprised when one of us is nice to her? It's like she is shocked when we are. What kind of a life did she have? Didn't she have friends?
Ray looked uncomfortable. He knew she had been abused by her husband. He just happened to glance over at Bob. He looked uncomfortable too. Did that mean he knew? Bob met his stare and nodded.
"Kara has told me some things," he said in a low tone to Ray.
Mikey looked at him confused. "What do you guys know that I don't?"
Frank agreed, "Yea, what is it Mikey and I don't know?"
Ray and Bob were spared having to answer. "Monica was abused by her husband." Gerard said as he grabbed a bowl and sat down with them. He made a decision he hoped was right. "I want you guys to understand where Monica is coming from. Her husband abused her. The fucker cut the shit out of her back. That was how he punished her for not doing what he wanted. She is covered in scars."
The silence at the table reflected the shock they felt. "Fuck" Mikey spoke first. "Why didn't she leave him?"
Gerard stared at his empty bowl. "Over time he had her completely isolated. No friends, her mother was dying. She had no one to turn to." He toyed with his spoon then added in a hushed tone "He told her that if she told anyone he would kill the girls."
Bob exploded "The fucker said he would kill his own daughters? Shit, Kara told me she thought he had abused her mother but she has no idea about that."
"And it should stay that way." Gerard told him "What good would come of her knowing her own father threatened to kill her if her mother told anyone he was abusing her?"
"That is so fucked up" Bob said trying to calm down.
"Yea, it is." Gerard said. They all grew silent once again each lost in thought.
Again it was Mikey who spoke "But Gee, if the bastard is dead what is she running from?"
Gerard shook his head sadly. "I don't know." He was going to say more but they heard Monica cry out in her sleep. Gerard bolted from the table reaching her only seconds later. "Honey are you OK" Her eyes were open when he reached her side.
She rubbed her eyes and looked at him. Slowly a smile came to her face. "I was having a nightmare," she said quietly. "But I'm OK now."
He seriously doubted her but smiled "Why don't you get up and have some breakfast? The guys are just finishing theirs."
She was hungry so he helped her into the kitchen area. The guys hoped it didn't look like they had been talking about her. Mikey got her a bowl and Frank poured her cereal. Ray added milk and wanted to cut a banana for her. Gerard wondered if they all knew they were overdoing it. Monica just smiled happily at them.
Gerard's sidekick alerted him to a call. He was puzzled when it was Kara. She sounded very upset. "Gerard I tried to get a hold of mom but she didn't answer. Is she there?"
"Sure, just a minute" He handed it to Moncia "It's Kara and she sounds upset."
Monica took it from him "Kara honey what's wrong?"
"Mom do you have Internet access right now?"
She looked over and saw Ray's laptop. "Ray can you get on the Internet now?"
"Sure." He walked over and returned to the table with the computer. He moved her bowl and placed it on the table in front of her.
"OK Kara, why?"
"Mom, go to YouTube and in the search type in MCR Gerard Way's Girlfriend"
Monica had a sinking feeling as she typed in the title. There on the screen was a picture of her. The next photo showed her and Gerard together taken New Years Eve. The song that they used for the background music was "Kill All Your Friends" by MCR.
"Honey, it's just a picture of Gerard and me. They had one on News 27 out of Topeka last night.
Gerard was surprised he hadn't known about that. He guessed it had something to do with that reporter that has asked him if he was in love.
"Mom scroll down and read the comments." Kara's voice was shaky.
Monica began to scroll down the comments. She was shocked that some of them were so mean. Comments about how she looked ugly or older than Gerard. One said she wasn't his girlfriend but a cousin. The ninth comment down she read the lines and suddenly felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach. Her heart felt as if it actually stopped.
Iknow1383: HER NAME IS MONICA KNIGHT AND SHE MURDERED HER HUSBAND
Monica felt the phone slip from her hand.
Author Note - I know everyone is waiting to learn about Monica's past but his chapter dealing with Gerard and his feelings towards Liv is important to the story. As you can tell by the last lines of this chapter it is time for Monica to deal with her past.