With the support of her friends and Gerard, Monica must face her past.
"Monica talk to me" Gerard had literally turned her head away from the screen and made her look at him. "Why would someone write that?"
"Fucking Internet" Ray said closing the laptop. He moved the computer off the table and put it out of sight.
Monica's eyes were wide and she looked as if she was staring straight through him. "Monica talk to me. What the fuck does that mean?" his tone was rough.
"Hey man, back off her." Frank put his hand on Gerard's shoulder. He had never seen anyone look as frightened as Monica. Gerard shook his hand off angrily.
"No, Frank this has to end. People are fucking with her and I want to make it stop. You know who wrote this and what they mean. Damn it Monica talk to me."
"Gee, go easy on her" Mikey said coming to stand near Monica. "Shit she's in shock or something." He reached out to touch her shoulder.
Gerard batted his hand away from her. "Back off Mikey. She has to deal with this, it's time. Fuck it's been time."
"Gerard, you're not helping her," Frank told him angrily.
"Fuck off Frank. I've been trying to help her and she won't let me."
"So you're gonna force her, is that what you think?" Frank yelled back at him.
Ray who had been watching the scene unfold spoke, "Frank, he's right." Gerard looked up at him with pain in his eyes. Ray understood. He squatted down beside Monica. "Listen to Gee, Monica. You know he's right. Look around; you are surrounded by people who love you. Tell us."
Tears that had formed in her eyes now began to flow down her cheeks. She looked over at Ray. "I don't want to hurt Gee." She whispered.
Gerard wondered why Ray was able to get through to her. Jealously flared but just for a moment. She turned to look at him. "I'm so sorry." She said through her tears.
He pulled her into his arms. "Please honey, let me, let all of us help you." He hugged her tightly feeling her body tremble.
"Monica it's time" Ray said softly. She pulled out of Gerard's embrace and wiped her tears. Looking around at these men she realized she really was surrounded by loved one.
"I'm sure that was posted by my sister-in-law. When Kyle died she was positive that it wasn't an accident. She was sure I had something to do with his death."
"Why would she think that?" Mikey asked. "Why the fuck would anyone think that about you?"
Monica looked at him "Because Mikey, I did"
Gerard stood and pulled her up with him. He led her to the sofa. Taking a seat he tried to pull her down to sit with him. She pulled away from him. "Gee, I have to tell this and it will be harder if I'm touching you." She turned and walked a few feet away. Bob, Mikey and Frank had sat back around the table. Ray sat down by Gerard. All eyes turned to her.
She glanced over to Gerard. His eyes were pleading. "God, I'm so sorry, Gee. I should have told you this so long ago but I've been so afraid."
Ray tried to help her, "Monica we all know Kyle abused you."
For a moment she looked shocked. Then she simply nodded. "He didn't start the abuse until after Kelly was born. It was like something in his brain snapped. So many times I hated myself for not leaving the first time it happened but I loved him so much. He would tell me how much he loved me and how all he wanted as to be with me. I stopped working, quit talking to my friends, I spent all my time with him. When things got brutal I had no one. He had made sure of that. The first time I told him I was going to leave him he calmly told me he would go into Kara and Kelly's room and kill them. The look in his eye made me realize he was insane. He would have killed them so I let him hurt me. Afterwards as I would lay crying he would whisper how much he loved me."
"Jesus" Frank uttered.
Monica began to slowly pace as she continued, "For years this went on. It was always the same. He would hurt me and I would cry. Sometimes he would cry too. As the girls got older it got harder to hide the truth from them. Always in the back of my mind I knew it had to stop." She was getting tired and starting to shake. Slowly she sank to the floor, sitting so she could face them.
"Monica can you go on?" Ray asked. He was watching her closely knowing she was physically weak.
"I have it" she took a breath, "Two months before Kyle died I took the first step in my plan to break free. We lived on a farm outside Alma. In town there was a small community center. Since I didn't have a car I would walk into town occasionally. I had seen a flyer about a self-defense class that was being offered. I thought that if I learned to defend myself than maybe I could defend the girls too. But I knew what would happen if Kyle found out I was going to the classes. They were during the day when he was at work in Topeka. For the first month I went to the classes and thought I was so smart. He didn't know and I really believed it wouldn't get back to him. For the first time in years I was starting to gain confidence. I was so stupid to think he wouldn't find out. I'm sure someone from his church saw me and told him.
She paused momentary, "The day he died I had walked into town for my class. The girls were in school. I remember walking back home feeling good about myself. I was feeling stronger with every class I took. If I had been paying attention I would have realized something was wrong. His car wasn't in the driveway, he had hid it behind the barn. But our dog who always ran to meet me wasn't there. I should have noticed." She whispered letting her mind travel back to that fateful day.
I walked up to the front door and let myself in. Molly our beagle ran to me. As my brain registered that the dog shouldn't be in the house I felt a sharp pain. He was standing right inside the door waiting. He had hit me with his fist. Hit my face, something he had never done before. Never where a mark could be seen. As I realized this I knew in that moment that the time had finally came. He was going to kill me."
She dropped her head, not able to face them anymore. She couldn't bear to see them pity her.
Her voice was much weaker when she spoke, "And it was at that moment that I realized I had to live. Not for myself but for my daughters. If I died they would be left with this monster. He was standing over me yelling. He called me a slut, told me I was a worthless piece of shit who needed to be taught a lesson. I began crying not because of the pain but because I knew that was what he would expect. He reached down to grab me not noticing I had hold of the heavy metal doorstop. When he pulled me up I swung it, hitting him in the head. My swing was off but it did hit him slightly, just enough to surprise him and make him let go of my arm. I ran for the kitchen. I was trying to find a weapon. A knife to bury in his chest. Before I could reach the knife holder he grabbed me and threw me against the counter. The only thing within my reach was the blender, which I threw at him. It hit him square in the face and he screamed. I ran for the back door and got it open before he could stand up. Running down the steps I slipped on the ice and hit the ground face first. I could feel the warm blood from my lip. The wind had been knocked out of me and I just wanted to lie there and give up. I was so tired. He was screaming my name inside the house. I forced myself to get up and I started running, not knowing were to go. My only thought was to get as far away as I could. He was at the back door and I heard it open. I slid on the ice again but got my footing before I fell. I could hear his footsteps so I just blindly ran. I was running towards the pond because he was right behind me. I made the mistake of looking back and tripped. I slid down the hill and onto the ice covered pond. This time I started sobbing because I thought I had failed. He was going to kill me and I had failed my daughters, I had failed myself. He made his way down the hill towards me. He was calling to me in an eerie voice. He called me like a man would call a dog. Told me to get my ass off the pond and come to him.
Then I heard the sound, it was like ice being thrown into a glass and I realized the ice on the pond was cracking. Suddenly I wasn't afraid to die, not as long as I could take him with me. If my death could cause his then it was alright because my girls would be safe."
She glanced at Gerard who was looking at her with tears in his eyes. "Gee, I lured him to his death. I did kill him."
Authors Note - I don't mean to make this a cliffhanger but her story is long. I promise the rest will be posted tomorrow.