This is the result of pure boredom- what would a talk show hosted by Erik be like?
Erik: Thank you. This morning we have some very pleasant guests.
Erik: I know. First up is the lovely Draco Malfoy!
Draco: I am not lovely. I am cunning and handsome. (Draco emerges from backstage)
Erik: Er...yes. I just read the cue cards. Welcome Draco!
Draco: It smells here.
Erik: I'm sorry. I don't use Scrubby Bubbles to clean the lair.
Erik: So Draco, do you find it difficult to be a wizard...
Draco: Shut up! There are Muggles surrounding us and you just gave up my identity, you prat headed Bludger brained Quaffle nosed flobberworm!
Erik: ...Moving on. What is it like going to school with the famous Harry Potter?
Draco: I hate it.
Erik: Oookay...do you have a girlfriend, Draco?
Draco: I hate her.
Erik: Hmm. How do you like school?
Draco: I hate it.
Erik: Do you like anything?
Draco: Beating up Potter.
Erik: Er...what do you plan to do after Hogwarts?
Draco: I don't want to talk about it.
Erik: This is a talk show Draco. You talk.
Erik: Welcome back to Good Morning Paris! Sadly, Draco had to be dragged out of the studio because he was a bad guest.
Draco: (in the distance) My father will hear about this!
Erik: Anyway, our next guest is Timmy Turner!
Erik: Hi Timmy.
Erik: Er, yes. Hi. Now Timmy- who are these strange floating people?
Timmy: Well you see, they are my...
Wanda: NO! (Clamps her hand over his mouth) We'll be taken away forever!
Cosmo: I don't wanna go!
Timmy: They are my pet birds.
Erik: They don't look like birds.
Timmy: Well they ARE!
Erik: Okay then. Timmy, what's it like being an average kid who no one understands?
Timmy: It's okay...hey! Wanna see my rocket?
Timmy: Yeah! My fair...er, my birds gave it to me! Wanna go for a ride?
Timmy: Come on! (Timmy grabs Erik and drags him outside and puts him in the rocket. Timmy begins pushing buttons.) Uh-oh...
Erik: Uh-oh what? Uh-oh WHAT?
Timmy: We're going to the moon!
Erik: Due to certain circumstances, Good Morning Paris will be held on the moon for the remainder of the show. We are sorry for the inconvenience.
Audience: Wahoo! Clap-clap!
Erik: Our next guest is Keith Partridge!
Audience: Yay Keith! Wahoo! Yay!
Keith: (emerges from behind a crater with a guitar)
Erik: Hello Keith!
Keith: (guitar strum) (singing) It's so nice to be here Erik!
Erik: Er...yes...so Keith, what is it like to be a teen idol?
Keith: I suppose it's okay...
Erik: Moving on.
Keith: (guitar strum- singing) He's moo-oo-oo-oo-ooving on!
Keith: Why is this show called 'Good Morning Paris' if we're on the moon?
Erik: Don't ask. You know Keith; I am a singing sensation myself.
Keith: Not as good as me.
Erik: Yes I am.
Keith: No way.
Erik: Yes way.
Audience: SING-OFF! SING-OFF!
Announcer voice: The sing-off begins! First up: Erik!
Audience: (chanting) Erik! Erik! Erik!
Christine: (screaming) I love you Erik!
Erik: (Begins to sing) Insolent boy, this slave of fashion...
Keith: You aren't talking me are you?
Erik: Basking in your glory...
Keith: Whose glory?
Erik: Ignorant fool, this brave young suitor
Keith: I am very brave.
Erik: Sharing in my triumph!
Audience: Yay Erik! Wahoo! Go Erik! Yay!
Keith: My turn! (Keith begins to sing) I think I love you
Erik: You'd better not be talking about Christine.
Keith: So what am I so afraid of?
Erik: Probably me. I am very frightening.
Keith: I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
Erik: Sure of what?
Keith: A love there is no cure for!
Erik: I'm not sure I understand.
Keith: I think I love you
Erik: Haven't we been over this?
Keith: Isn't that what life is made of?
Erik: No. Life is made of music. And cheesecake.
Keith: Though it worries me to say
Erik: That you have to leave? Aw, too bad.
Keith: That I've never felt this way
Audience: GO KEITH!
Keith: Thank you! I'll be here all week!
Christine: I LOVE YOU KEITH!!!!!!!
Erik: (gets very mad)
Keith: Er...I'm leaving now... (Keith backs away from the enraged Phantom)
Erik: (still mad) Well, we have one more guest. Hopefully, this will not turn out to be a complete disaster.
Audience: (still raving about Keith)
Erik: Rrrr...anyway, our next guest is Gerard Butler!
Gerard: Very nice to be here.
Erik: Say...you look awfully familiar...
Erik: Hmm...anyway, Gerard, I hear you have had some excellent success in movies.
Gerard: You could say that.
Erik: What movies have you been in?
Gerard: Well, my most successful movie was by far the Phantom of the Opera.
Erik: I heard you. (Thinks for a minute) YOU are the imposter!
Gerard: Er...excuse me?
Erik: I KNEW there was an imposter pretending to be me out there somewhere!
Erik: It's all YOUR fault!
Gerard: Can't we talk this out!
Erik: Ahhhhh! (Leaps onto Gerard. Fight breaks out)
Keith: Oh no!
Timmy: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Wanda: Oh dear!
Cosmo: I brought popcorn!
Draco: Kill him!
Audience: KEITH IS BACK!!!!!!!!!
Keith: Oh my. (Struggles as girls run at him)
Draco: No fair! I want hordes of girls running at me!
Timmy: Me too! Put it in wish form! (Wanda grants his wish. Hordes of girls run at Timmy).
Erik: I'll get you yet, imposter!
Erik: (looking very beat up) That's all the time we have. Join us tomorrow on 'Good Morning Paris'...(falls over).
Draco, Timmy, Keith and Gerard: (bow)