Ash has a dirty little secret, only it's not so little, and the Pokemon all know. Rated for shock value, angst, thematic issues, and some vulgar language.
Like, Pokemon. Pokemon can smell it, but they don't really care, usually. And I mean, my family knows, and Pikachu knows... that makes sense... Professor Oak knows, though sometimes I think he's family-Gary always did like to call my mom bad names, and she is over there a lot.
But my best friends, they don't know.
My best friends don't know, and some stranger, some creature who tried to kill me, does-it told me with its mind.. My best friends don't know, and some stranger, some creature who's older than time itself, does-I could see it in its eyes. My best friends don't know. My best friends don't know, and some stranger, some powerful female Pokmeon in the form of a pretty girl, knows, and fell in love with me anyway.
It's so hard to keep a secret from them.
That time at Celadon, I wanted so badly to tell the truth, but I couldn't. I wanted to tell the truth to Misty a thousand times, but I couldn't. I wanted to fess up so many times, but I couldn't. I wanted to say something when Brock was confiding in me about his girl problems, but I couldn't. I wanted to tell Gary, to tell Tracy, but I couldn't
They know there's something I'm hiding. They both look at me funny when I lie down, aching, at the end of a long day. They both look at me funny when I go to the bathroom a lot, like there's something wrong with me-Brock sometimes give me lectures about how boys aren't supposed to get urinary tract infections that much. God, if only he knew what the problem really was.
It contaminates everything-the things they confide in me, the things they show me, the things they try to hide from me. When Misty whines about not being taken seriously as a female trainer, I get distracted, and I can only focus on acting like a stupid boy. When Misty looks away suddenly after staring at me for minutes, I have to pretend to be oblivious, instead of telling her I'm not interested and breaking her heart. When Brock is talking about the hot girl of the week, I have to agree, even though I don't like girls.
Yeah, I don't like girls. That's my secret world-I like boys.
I wish that were it.
Mewtwo knows. Mewtwo knew from the start. Of course it knew. It wanted a perfect representation of humanity for its fight... it never referred to me as anything but "the child" or "the fool" during that whole nightmare at New Island... And it called me Unique. A Unique human. And I know it didn't just mean because I helped it. Just because I wanted to.
I wonder if Misty and Brock noticed the way I carried it to the spring, with the help of my Pokemon. I wonder if they noticed the bitter, unmanly tears I cried at Shamouti, when I was told that I, Ash Ketchum, was the chosen one who would have to save the world.
But... the prophecy said the world would turn to Ash, not to Ashley.
Mewtwo has come out with its secret. Latias has even come out with hers. But somehow I can't find it in myself to take my bindings off one morning and go up to Gary and tell him how I feel . Or tell Misty how I don't feel. Or tell Brock that his obsession with pretty girls scares the crap out of me.
I guess I just don't have the balls.